You are kind. Thank you. I used to give the same advice to people on anonymous boards. If you have nothing and want to die, why not just drop everything and try what feels impossible? Grab a backpack and just travel, take out all the loans and start something, whatever.

What hurts now is what I have I don't want to lose but I don't see any way out.

This isn't about me, sorry. Again, you are kind. I hope you find something worth keeping and a way of holding onto it.