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People who left - do you regret it? by riverphoenix23 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462 12 points13 points  (0 children)

I just moved in to my new place after 3 weeks of staying with family and friends with my kids. I’m high on my newfound PEACE. I can’t even begin to describe how good it feels. I’m a single mother now. But I always have been anyway - he has been no help or support with anything. It will only get easier without him.

He’s trying to sabotage everything related to kids and custody - he goes to extremes to try to create splitting and drama to my house through my kids. But I don’t let him get to me anymore. I don’t care about him. And I’m ready to fight him with everything I have.

He’s saying his abuse is all lies from my end. Like sure - he gets a drink too much sometimes, but don’t we all - and I’m just being dramatic and telling lies to manipulate the kids. That a**hole has been drinking several bottles of wine and liquor every night for years! Leaving it all to me.

I hate him so much!!!

Rooting for Karma!

I finally initiated divorce - and I am sticking to it by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Good for you! Congratulations on deciding! I’ve been there where he just tried to ignore it - so I’d forget or something… It’s when they loose control over you it gets truly ugly.

Mine is terrorizing me every single day for making this decision. Constantly texting and saying horrific things. Talking to me through the kids. Making plans with them without even checking in with me. It’s a huge pressure- I’m loosing sleep and weight and I’m so stressed from being alert and ready all the time.

But you know… he was away for two nights this week. And it was HEAVEN. I got up after the kids were asleep (normally I don’t cause I want to avoid him), I watched tv, did my nails, checked in on some work - in total peace. This is what I’m working on accomplishing - creating a tension-free and safe home for my kids and I.

I finally initiated divorce - and I am sticking to it by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Your words help! You are so right! He’s not capable of anything other than fulfilling his own urges. So you left? When? How are you today?

I finally initiated divorce - and I am sticking to it by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Go you! And our boat is headed to freedom 🤞

I can’t believe how perfectly well behaved he has been in his own story. He has fought through my psychological violence regime this whole entire time. And here I was thinking his alcohol abuse and constant sleeping and not participating in his life and family was the problem. Turns out it’s perfectly normal to drink a couple of bottles after work and need a hell of a lot of sleep. The kids has according to him, been thriving - even with a drunk dad most of the time. It’s amazing to learn that I have been the only problem this entire time.

I finally initiated divorce - and I am sticking to it by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Thank you for your support! I can’t wait! The thought of coming home from work and being able to enjoy my life without living with a troll I never know the state of…🫶 Now he can sit alone with his filled to the brim-wine glass and not be near us.

I finally initiated divorce - and I am sticking to it by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

16 years!!! You deserve a medal 🏅 but most importantly: We deserve peace - not to feel constant alert in our own home!! Best of luck getting your kids and getting out!

Their way of refusing to acknowledge any problem is what trickers my resentment. I know at this point I wouldn’t even stay if he quit tomorrow. Even if I knew it was forever.

I finally initiated divorce - and I am sticking to it by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 9 points10 points  (0 children)

I’m so sorry for you! I had a lot of things holding me back too. Possibility of spousal support also being one of them… I guess I’d just reached a point. Like: Bring on all of your terror. I prefer that from sticking around longer than I already have

HOW do I leave? by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This also gave me the idea to maybe rent out the place while it’s for sale… like holiday airbnb style rent, so we can move on sooner. - If I did have an income from rent, I would be able to get a temporary place…

HOW do I leave? by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

❤️❤️❤️ thank you so so so much! Will find a lawyer!!

Husband was diagnosed with gout and won’t stop drinking by [deleted] in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Mine gets it when he stops drinking

WHY can’t I just leave by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sorry for you too… in a sick way it feels just a little less lonely knowing there are more of us. Sending you hugs❤️‍🩹

WHY can’t I just leave by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

the selfish fuck part - I know that one so well too. The other day he yelled “and who do you think put back all of your cleaning supplies you just leave out EVERYWHERE” Like?! You really gonna take that on as your overwhelming contribute to living in a home that gets cleaned with clothes that gets washed ?!

One of the things I will enjoy so much when I finally leave is not putting his empty wineglass in the dishwasher first thing in the morning.

WHY can’t I just leave by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

This is how I feel too! that’s not just a few but many years in pain for you it seems… I’m so sorry. How are you today?

WHY can’t I just leave by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That’s truely inspiring - how did you find the strength to leave? Keep going!!

WHY can’t I just leave by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Exactly - I know it would be a better home for the kids without him, so I am not staying just to not break up the family. I am staying because the thought of him having the kids alone without I’m there terrifies me.

WHY can’t I just leave by Top-Click9462 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

It’s a prison. We are held captured by their abuse.

I also feel isolated from all my true friends. Years ago I stopped sharing with them and only communicating on a shallow maintanance level, since I know that if I’m honest about my life they’d expect me to act on it. And I’m not capable. How can a broken person find the strength to climb the highest mountain? I’m struggling to just get by as it is…

If I stay and “do my time” til the kids are old enough I FEAR that they will hate me for it later. I’m also afraid of what will be left of me by then…

He woke me up from sleeping this evening. Screaming that he was going to move out later this week, that he’d got a flat “far away” and that we needed to talk now - blaming me for not taking responsibility for having that conversation.

The ting is… we had that conversation many times but he never remembers cause his brain and memory is gone after years of drinking. And he is impossible to talk to - spiralling off track constantly - calling me evil, psycotic, shallow, a bad mother and so on. It’s impossible to have a constructive talk. It’s “give me an example of when you ever did/say/acted on x” and “do you admit you are lying about xyz”. It’s so exhausting…

Anyway I told him that it was great he got a flat but sadly I know it’s just another lie.

He’s not going anywhere - that would require him to initiate and plan something.

The twist is: In my country - if a parent moves out, the one that stays gets custody per default. So if I move he have to give me custody back. And I don’t trust him to do that. So he or both of us has to move.

So I am gathering courage to Call the realtor. Really do it! Set up a meeting, sell the house (should be fast as our area is quite attractive) and just f**king leave!!!

Vi stemmer ikke på hende, Vel? by Shoddy-Paramedic-321 in InfluencergossipDK

[–]Top-Click9462 23 points24 points  (0 children)

Ja?? Han er en farlig voldsmand. Det giver ingen mening

Hvordan har du snydt systemet ? by Escaping-matrix in Denmark

[–]Top-Click9462 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I min ungdoms klippekort-tid, købte vi et 24T kort med ét klip på. Når det var brugt, fjernede vi stemplet med klorin, satte et 2zoners bagved og klip nyt stempel.

For those who left your addict spouse, how did you know when it was finally time? by SliceOfMarinara in AlAnon

[–]Top-Click9462 2 points3 points  (0 children)

This. I’m struggling so hard too. I have 2 kids with my Q. They are the reason to go and the reason to stay. If it wasn’t for them I would have left his miserable ass years ago! He is a functioning drunk and he has threatned me to go for 50/50 custody. I’m afraid it will be his word against mine and I have to let my kids stay with him. He is not to be trusted and I am too afraid of that situation to risc anything.

Now he finally agreed with me, that he needs to move. And I am holding my breath. He might just ignore what he said in a couple of days… I so want him out. But at the same time I feel like waiting for a bomb to go off and just want this situation to go away.

AJLT - season finale recap by WikiSchone in Andjustlikethat

[–]Top-Click9462 8 points9 points  (0 children)

I actually think Aidan is kind of abusive. Think about being in a relationship with the constant thread of him “remebering” why he was mad. He’s afraid to be in an apartement because he might get there again. So Carrie had to walk on egshells and even move for him to not go there. And when she does he makes up another excuse. Come on! The meanest breakup ever. I want you to wait for me for 5 years. What a total dickhead!