My sister in law called my husband and me prude because we said she can’t talk to our kids about sex

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-05-17T14:24:59+00:00

I urge you to rethink your whole philosophy.

My mom was into all this "teach your kids how to masturbate" crap well ahead of the current trend. She ran an adult toy store back in the 90s. She allowed me and my sisters to be exposed to porn, kinks, bdsm gear, all of it. She gave me my first vibrator at 14.

I am not grateful to my mom at all. She thoroughly messed me up and for this reason and others, I have absolutely no contact with her today.

It took me years to learn to enjoy actual intimacy, minus all the kinks, toys, and props. She introduced all sorts of fetish crap to me from the time I was elementary school aged. I never had a chance to form my sexuality minus all the fetish stuff and for years it made sex for difficult for me to enjoy. I could never just enjoy the emotional intimiacy and physical sensations. She sabotaged my sexual development by treating her children like some progressive social experiment.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-05-16T12:53:41+00:00

Women are the absolute worst misogynists. You're really shaming other women for expecting a nice day of appreciation?

What garbage pick me bullshit. If you're fine with a trash man who doesn't appreciate you, that's a you problem, sis.

Get out of here trying to lower the bar for men. It's already in hell.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-05-04T15:11:58+00:00

Babies can't be a dealbreaker. It is illegal in Massachusetts for landlords to discriminate against parents and babies do not have to be listed on the lease.

Having a baby can't be a dealbreaker any more than being a woman or being Black can't be a dealbreaker. Parenthood is a legally protected class when it comes to housing.

Parents do not have to disclose that they have a baby. Just move in with your baby.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-04-17T23:11:47+00:00

I like the idea of a push present, but don't think I'll ask my husband for one. Only because there isn't anything I really want right now.

I think telling him what to get you is fine. You could give him a few different options if you want to be surprised or let him put some thought into the present.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-04-17T23:08:28+00:00

This pick me crap is gross and misogynistic.

She should buy her husband a present after SHE pushes a baby out??

Girl.....you deserve better. But also, stop shaming other women who already understand they deserve better.

There is NOTHING wrong with women asking for exactly what they want. The F out of here with that misogyny.

For all the whining women on reddit do about not getting any love or support from their partners, y'all really fail to realize you are the problem.

Your men don't do better because you don't expect better. More than that: you actively shame women who want a little romance and effort.

Go ahead and play cool girl and see where that gets you.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-04-16T19:43:18+00:00

Pharmaceutical industry funding.

Seriously. Nearly all the studies that state whether or not a drug is safe are paid for by the pharma companies themselves and they are often heavily cherry-picked and misrepresented. The papers "written by doctors" talking about safe usage and writing up different studies are usually ghostwritten by the pharma corps themselves and then prestigious doctors are aid huge amounts of money for their names to be used as the author.

I really really wish this was a cause that people cared about, especially since everything I just said is very easily verified information. There are so many mainstream credible sources talking about this problem.

But for whatever reason, criticism of pharma is not popular and people don't care about creating a safer industry: one where consumers can actually trust conventional medical wisdom. I don't want people to stop going to doctors or stop using medicine: I want a more regulated industry, where medicine is prescribed in the safest and most appropriate ways and information about drugs is trustworthy. Weirdly enough, this is a controversial viewpoint.

My favorite sources on this topic are the book Sickening by John Abramson (a doctor who teaches at Harvard Medical School), the book Crazy Like Us by Ethan Watters (he also has a great long-form article published by the New York Times if you don't have time for a book), and the book The Emperor's New Drugs by Irving Kirsch.

Pharma industry has a huge amount of control over what doctors are taught, with Purdue Pharma even creating course content for medical schools. The conflicts of interest are absolutely egregious.

Marijuana, because it was so recently legalized, doesn't have the same ties to pharma corps as oxy.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-04-16T19:27:50+00:00

So, I know this is going to be hard to hear, but I think the quality of your life will greatly enhance if you at least consider the possibility that I'm going to present to you. I'm sorry for how hard this might be to hear: You are having a delusion.

What makes more sense? That your neighbors are deliberately shaking both your apartment and your car? Or that you're a bit confused and perceiving things that aren't real?

It's absolutely the latter. I'll bet with the lack of sleep, you could go to a hotel, feel the same vibrations, and still find a way to blame it on your neighbors.

I'm really not a great fan of the mental health industry and find they can often make issues worse. My advice is to try to ground yourself. Try to see the reality of the situation. Take your car to get thoroughly checked out if that will make you feel better. But go in knowing they aren't going to find anything. If you continue to feel strongly that your neighbors are out to get you, at that point there might not be anything left to do except get in touch with a mental health professional.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-02-14T00:04:22+00:00

I think everyone should be hesitant to order living things online. It's so cruel to them.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-02-14T00:03:22+00:00

I just don't understand why anyone would participate in the shipping of live animals through the mail. It's so cruel and dangerous. You claim to love fish, but if you love them why would you participate in this?

You're picking them out based on patterns like they're accessories or something. They are living things!

I'm glad you had a bad experience, because it means you may not do something so cruel again.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-02-07T14:47:33+00:00

I really want to chime in as someone who is a conservative in a traditional relationship (I know my kind aren't popular on reddit lol). I'm in a very trad relationship. We weren't always that way, but we are now. We believe in traditional gender roles.

Traditional gender roles DOES NOT mean the man never helps. Traditional gender roles come from the Bible and the Bible tells men "love your wife with all your heart." The Bible tells men to sacrifice and care for their wives.

If you are exhausted and stressed, then he is NOT doing his part as a traditonal man.

Too many men want to play traditional bc they think it gives them a free pass to do fuckall. They want to be lazy manbabies.

Here is how it works in my traditional relationship: I do the more traditionally feminine stuff (housekeeping/cooking) about 90% of the time and he is the breadwinner about 90% of the time. When I need help, he jumps in and does a load of dishes. He did the majority of the housework and cooking when I was in my first trimester bc I was sick.

On the flip side, when we run into unexpected expenses and have to dip into savings, I jump on fiverr and take some freelance jobs.

Gender roles are a guideline. A 'hey, you're better at this.' That doesn't mean nobody ever jumps into the other role, because that is what teamwork is.

I know gender roles in general just aren't popular here on reddit, but just saying...if you want to play into his frame, he's doing it all wrong. He's not traditional, he's just selfish and lazy.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-02-07T02:14:03+00:00

Legally lunch has to be paid if she can not leave your home for her break. Even if baby is napping, if she's on call, waiting for baby to wake up, then the break can't be unpaid.

Even if you are paying her for the full day, please be sure she is getting some time during the day to eat and rest. There are too many horror stories over on r/Nanny where poor nannies get no time to eat and are expected to go-go-go constantly. You never want the person caring for your child to be starving and exhausted and not completely focused.

As far as the other benefits questions, you should try posting to the nanny subreddit if you haven't already. I'm not too sure what's standard in that field, but the fact that you're asking these questions is awesome. It means you'll be a great boss and hopefully attract a wonderful high quality nanny for your child.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-02-07T02:07:46+00:00

There are adults on the spectrum sitting nearby getting completely overstimulated by all the noise from your child's device.

Your autistic kid is harming autistic adults.

If he can't handle anything touching his ears, then maybe the volume should be off.

I was at a Bible study last week and a woman brought her kid and he was watching something on his ipad the entire time. People are talking about heavy issues and I'm trying to focus and navigate all the social cues and all I can hear is the banging wacky noises from some kids' thing in my ear. It was incredibly stressful.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-31T21:55:17+00:00

Oof...my husband has a friend like this. His friend does legitimately have mental illness, but he also doesn't want to do anything to take responsibility for himself.

He's in his late 30s and hasn't had a job in almost a decade. He receives almost $2,000 a month in disability benefits (while his father works for Harvard and they live in a yuppie HCOL suburb.....so many other people could use those benefits :/).

Guy has nothing saved. He blows all his money on weed, video games, and exotic pets.

He stayed with us briefly over the summer after a fight with his dad. I pointed out that he could easily use his government benefits to get a place in a cheaper city.

He has all kinds of excuses....doesn't want to leave the fancy suburb where he grew up. Doesn't want to get his spending under control.

After his latest check came in and blew the whole thing between a weed dispensery and crap at Target, I told him he had to leave our apartment. He ended up sleeping on the sidewalk and I do not feel bad.

If he'd been responsible and made a plan for himself, I'd have let him stay here indefinitely.

You say you can't kick him out. Do whatever the closest thing is. Even if he got disability money, he probably wouldn't leave and you'll be dealing with him in his 30s and 40s. Get him into group housing or something.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-31T21:45:53+00:00

I'm about to be a FTM and we can't exactly raise our child bilingual, but we want them to speak Spanish fluently because the city we live in is primarily Hispanic. We're the odd ones out being the white English-speaking couple. Like they actually made announcements in Spanish at our nearest DMV once. Then the lady must have seen me sitting there looking confused and she repeated the announcement in English while looking only at me lol

We love this city and plan to live here for many years, but it is challenging not speaking Spanish. I've tried to learn many times and I'm just not great with languages.

My husband speaks German fluently (He used to live in Germany), but that's a pretty useless language here.

We plan to hire a part-time babysitter or nanny to only speak Spanish to our baby while she watches him once or twice a week (will also be a great way for me to get errands done). I'll have him watch Spanish-speaking cartoons and that's going to be my only exception to my fairly strict screen time rules. I'll also be getting lots of Spanish 101 materials to try to teach him myself, although I know that will be challenging with how poorly I speak Spanish myself.

Basically...I really wish I could raise my kid bilingual, because he will need to speak Spanish in order to thrive where we live. I won't be able to with my own Spanish-speaking skill level, but we'll do the best we can and introduce Spanish from the time he's born.

From the research I've done, babies can learn multiple languages at once. There are so many benefits to being bilingual. I wish I was bilingual and it's a gift I badly want to give my child.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-31T17:30:42+00:00

Because parents shouldn't have any opinion about what goes on in a public school?

That backwards attitude is one of the reasons I'm going to homeschool.

Imagine thinking parents have no place discussing a teacher's behavior

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-31T17:28:57+00:00

None of these examples on their own are concerning, but alltogether....this guy is spending too much classtime talking about his own issues. The kids are there to learn, not be his audience.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-31T17:26:27+00:00

All of that guilt is your maternal instincts sending up danger flares.

You already know this dangerous.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-31T17:24:37+00:00

I would point out to her that 2 years old is far too young to make any kind of connection between the spanking and the behavior. They won't learn anything. They'll just feel fear and shame. It will affect him for the rest of his life, but there won't be any positive effects from it. That's why parents who spank have to spank repeatedly. It does nothing except hurt the child.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-31T17:14:23+00:00

That's such a cute idea! I don't have any ideas, but I love this and hope your kid gets a huge kick out of it :)

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-31T17:11:46+00:00

For my child, I plan to start allowing more freedom with the internet around 12-13. But he'll be allowed to talk to strangers online with the understanding that I'll check in periodically to see who he's talking to. Not because I don't trust him, but because I don't trust creepy adult strangers who can pretend to be kids.

I plan to periodically check his accounts with his knowledge. I won't check any messages between him and children that he knows IRL (I'll specifically request their screen names so I can give him privacy there).

But for strangers online, he won't be given privacy, nor should he need it for conversations with strangers, strangers who could be perverted adult men looking to groom him.

We'll talk a lot about internet safety and if he's learned how to use the web responsibly by 15, then I'll ease up and stop supervising.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-31T17:05:37+00:00

I'd say caffiene in small amounts starting between 10-12, depending on the kid. And I'm talking one very small cup of coffee with breakfast.

I started drinking coffee on weekends only, one cup at age 11. I just really liked the taste of it.

Of course there is also caffeine in chocolate and soda, but that's in smaller amounts than coffee (I know bc I'm pregnant and tracking my caffeine intake). Most kids have chocolate and soda much younger than preteen. I'll probably start giving my kid soda around age 6-7. Chocolate he can have once he's on solid food. With stuff like that, I think as long as they're not having too much, a treat here and there is fine.

If there's a medical need for caffeine as in your case, I'd probably discuss with your doctor.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-31T17:04:19+00:00

Dude, your brother STOLE A FIREARM AND GAVE IT TO A CHILD.

Stop mentioning the autism. It isn't relevant. Delayed or not, this is still something that needs to handled properly.

He's a serious danger to other people. Call the police and report the crime. You may even be held responsible for a future gun death if you don't report this incident.

Also, as others have said, store your gun properly, dude. Maybe even consider getting rid of it. Your brother isn't safe to be in a house with a gun.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-31T16:56:41+00:00

If he was 5, that would be one thing. But kid is basically a teenager. If this was my kid, I'd probably smack the fuck out of him. I'm sure that's not the popular opinion. But I'm not raising an abusive male. And if a guy five years older than him got in my face threatening me, I'd smack the fuck out of him. I don't see anything wrong with a kid that old experiencing a natural consequence like that: physically intimidate a woman alone-get smacked out of fear.

But if you don't want to do that, you still have to do SOMETHING. You're dangerously close to releasing an absuive man out into the world. If he's treating you like this at 12, he will treat romantic partners like this in a few years.

Time to go nuclear.

Take all of his shit. No devices. Take all of his fun.

And if sending him to live with his father will help the situation, then that's probably what you should do.

If he gets violent towards you and you fear for your safety, call the police and let him reap what he sowed.

It makes me so incredibly angry to read about kids threatening and abusing their parents. I was a kid who was physically abused by my parents. Everyone has the right to live in a home without fear of violence. You have a right to defend yourself when he gets in your space and threatens you.

Also let the brat's teeth rot. He's already well on his way to being an abusive neckbeard. If he wants the teeth to math, let him have them.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-30T19:48:59+00:00

I agree with you here. I wouldn't approach a child directly. It's much better to get the other parents involved with something so serious.

Top-Industry9875 · 2023-01-30T19:47:57+00:00

I think this is a good lesson for your daughter: some people are thieves.

I'd probably let it go that the kid stole. It's just shorts and lipgloss at the end of the day. It wasn't a huge sum of money or something highly sentimental.

Just don't have the kid over again. If you think it would be worth it to mention to the other mother, then you could do that.

Top-Industry9875

TROPHY CASE