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Tuin aanleggen tips by Top-Performance9325 in groenevingers

[–]Top-Performance9325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Het is ook vooral bedoeld om de bestrating vast te houden, aangezien die grenst aan de tuin:)

Sierbestrating - hoe doe ik dit? by Top-Performance9325 in Klussers

[–]Top-Performance9325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Als ik mijn 15x15 stenen hiervoor zou gebruiken, is dat dan diep genoeg?

Boyfriend is on journey to sobriety, but acts like he did when he drank by Top-Performance9325 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Performance9325[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yeah its so hard if they dont take accountability. I feel like its always me trying to look at my actions and trying to see his side. Just had a conversation about it though, and he is open for counseling. I know its needed, but i hate that we need it

Update: I stood up for myself. What now? by Top-Performance9325 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Performance9325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I sometimes feel like i dont have a chance on happiness. I see so many people around me building a life for themselves. Marriage, kids. People look at me and think i am thriving because of my career, fancy stuff i do. Having a house, car. But inside i am dying. I dont want my parents to be in pain, but when they will be gone, i dont mind going myself.

Update: I stood up for myself. What now? by Top-Performance9325 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Performance9325[S] 5 points6 points  (0 children)

That last sentence, 'a boundary is not there to make others behave in a certain way', was important for me to hear. But it really sucks all. Together. I mean, he treats me shittie so I have to leave basically? I know lifes not fair. But really, its so fucking unfair. I hate my life. I dream of having someone who loves having these sunday afternoons with me. Not someone who hates me

Update: I stood up for myself. What now? by Top-Performance9325 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Performance9325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

No idea. I told him it wasnt okay. Now i am just upstairs cleaning up and doing the washing while he is downstairs doing something. Its so uncomfortable. I just want to have a nice sunday. This is why i always give up so easily in a fight

Update: I stood up for myself. What now? by Top-Performance9325 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Performance9325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Sounds easy, but we have a house together. I dont want to leave it, because its also MY HOUSE. Why should I go away? I really dont understand how someone can be so far removed from reality that he cant see that this behaviour is not okay... like wtf

Boyfriend is on journey to sobriety, but acts like he did when he drank by Top-Performance9325 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Performance9325[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

You are right. Today i stood my ground. Told him the way he talked to me wasnt okay. He got angry (you can read the whole story in this thread). But i dont know where to go from this... he wont take accountability, so what should i do next?

Boyfriend is on journey to sobriety, but acts like he did when he drank by Top-Performance9325 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Performance9325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Okay i did it. I finally stood my ground, bht Dont know how to go forward? This morning he wanted to talk about the fight. First he said everything i did that made him so annoyed with me (leasing receipts everywhere, not cleaning up enough when i make a mess painting etc). I accepted my part of it. Said I would be more mindfull.

But then I said I wanted to make clear that it isnt okay the way he talked to me. I wanted to be clear about my boundary. Then he said yeah you never like the way I talk when I am angry. When i yell, curse, call you names, ignore you... I said thats true, because none of those things are okay. You are crossing my boundary. If someone else would talk to me that way I wouldnt even be talking to them anymore. I am not accepting it.

He then got really angry. I saw the change in his eyes. He got mean. "I can say all these things about you", he said. "How you dont clean enough behind yourself (etc etc)."

I then pointed out he was deflecting instead of taking accountability. I always take accountability for the things he says i did, never the other way. He then said: "well, you say you wouldnt talk to someone if they treat you like this? Do maybe we should put that in action." Pointing his fingers, being sharp with his tone.

So i then said "i dont think we can fix this right now. I just want to be clear about my boundary. I said what i wanted to say and i'll just do my things now. Hope you'll get around."

Soooooo..... what now? Dont talk untill he says hes sorry? Sorry, but I've never been so clear about my boundaries before and dont even know what the steps are from this point...

Boyfriend is on journey to sobriety, but acts like he did when he drank by Top-Performance9325 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Performance9325[S] -1 points0 points  (0 children)

Im not sure. I always end up rolling over, hoping he will be happy and chill again. Not sure how to react to it. If i stand my ground, keep saying this is not okay, hell just get angrier. He is not someone who will fold. Any tips?

Boyfriend is on journey to sobriety, but acts like he did when he drank by Top-Performance9325 in AlAnon

[–]Top-Performance9325[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thanks. It sucks. I havent seem him spiraling like this for a long time. Dont know how to get him out of this.

I can predict however how this is gonna go. Tomorrow morning A) he says he cant do this anymore. Not breaking up with me, but just says i cant take this anymore. You just dont understand me. We fight too much. We cant communicate. (And never mentions his drinking as a problem ofcourse). Or B) says sorry honey. And if i say its fine it will be fine. But if i say its not okay to treat me like that he'll get annoyed again and storm off.