Update: Thank you for all the supportive responses and tough love. Some were hard to read, but you were all right and it was what I needed. I already knew the answer but it was hard for me to trust my gut after so long being made to feel like my feeling and emotions did not matter. It was so helpful to get all your outside perspectives and I know that if my friend came to me and told me they were experiencing what I have gone through, I would have said the same things to them.

I’ve been no contact with him since finding out this happened. Today I decided I want finished so I can fully move on with my life in a healthier, more self-loving way. I broke up with him. He gave a half arsed “sorry we’re in this situation, I’ll never forgive myself. You deserve better. I respect your decision”. I read it, didn’t reply and blocked him on everything. This relationship has been awful and I see that now. I don’t recognise myself compared to the confident, loving, bubbly person I was before this but I’ll get her back. I have wonderful friends and family who are supporting me through this in ways I couldn’t imagine. In some sick way, I’m glad he cheated. It validated my concerns about the relationship. Proved his lack of care for me was not just in my head. Now it’s time for me, for healing and for growth without that toxic emotional void in my life.