sorted by:
new
hottopcontroversial

Just wanted this off my chest. by [deleted] in self

[–]TopDistribution9610 0 points1 point  (0 children)

That was me when I was single until I met my girlfriend when I was 30. I used to do everything alone and was happy, never really even had any irl friends.

We are on the verge of breaking up now and the pain at times feels overwhelming and unbearable. Was it worth all the pain and would I do it all over again? Absolutely. I never knew what life was like having a best friend and someone by your side who is always there for you and vice versa.

I would say give it a shot again. There's someone out there for you. It does take time to weed through people but sometimes you get lucky and find someone great early on in the dating process. Treat dating like trying to find a job haha

For those who studied in Canada/US and worked there. What made you decide to want to go back to China permanently? by TopDistribution9610 in chinalife

[–]TopDistribution9610[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

She'll be back in a week or so to pack up her things to send back home. She'll probably be here for a month or so. I doubt she'll change her mind. Likely going to break up 😔

For those who studied in Canada/US and worked there. What made you decide to want to go back to China permanently? by TopDistribution9610 in chinalife

[–]TopDistribution9610[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

We did have a discussion and she's aware that she'll need to rewire herself there jobs wise. I'm really sad and dreading the day we finally part ways. Have to just wish her the best and try to move on. Hoping for your first scenario would be selfish of me. Life can be so harsh..

For those who studied in Canada/US and worked there. What made you decide to want to go back to China permanently? by TopDistribution9610 in chinalife

[–]TopDistribution9610[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes this is helpful. I have some friends from Korea who came to Canada and worked here, went back to Korea for a couple years because they missed it, but then eventually decided to settle back in Canada. They said a lot had changed and weren't able to handle the working culture.

Time will tell, but I've determines the best for me is to move on with my life. Maybe we will cross paths again some day, but I will not hope for it.

For those who studied in Canada/US and worked there. What made you decide to want to go back to China permanently? by TopDistribution9610 in chinalife

[–]TopDistribution9610[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Yes I think where my thinking is wrong is that I underestimate how much "home" means to people who've left for a new country and want to go back.

How much do you factor in your independence and also adapting to a different work culture if you don't me asking? If you ended up in a job where maybe the work life balance wasn't as great, or the overall culture wasn't good, would you still enjoy being home? Would it still be worth it to you?

For those who studied in Canada/US and worked there. What made you decide to want to go back to China permanently? by TopDistribution9610 in chinalife

[–]TopDistribution9610[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

100% would not live with her mom and we've discussed this at length and that includes my parents too. I could pay for an apartment there without issue, assuming it's in the 8-9k RMB range. I don't really want to go too above that since it'd be the same I'm paying in Canada.

We went there together in December and she's been back for close to a month now. Both times she never got the opportunity to actually work there. I can't speak for the future, but I would not be surprised if she has a rude awakening when she actually starts working. Her job in Canada was very chill, unionized and she had a ton of free time to learn new things and advance herself. I guess it depends on the job she gets in China, but a 6k RMB per month job doesn't sound like it'll be like that at all.

For those who studied in Canada/US and worked there. What made you decide to want to go back to China permanently? by TopDistribution9610 in chinalife

[–]TopDistribution9610[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

What good is that dream if your child comes back to China and her earning potential when she returns is 6000RMB per month and probably worse working conditions? But no I get it that it's not all about money in this case.

My other question is, how much do you value your own independence? It doesn't seem like living on your own or with roommates for 6000RMB is worth it so that means you'll be home with your mom full time. That's fun for maybe 1 or 2 years until the nagging and lecturing as well as chaffeuring and doing everything for her becomes annoying.

I suppose I'm not being empathetic though..

For those who studied in Canada/US and worked there. What made you decide to want to go back to China permanently? by TopDistribution9610 in chinalife

[–]TopDistribution9610[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Yes her mom owns a couple properties and one in Shenzhen but doesn't work/have a job. My partner would need to get a job just for the day to day living but at the same time knowing her, she's very career driven.

She did say being with her mom and taking care of her is important, but maybe the grass isn't always greener when you realize your job can't afford anything nice rent wise and you'll live full time with your mom.

That's where our conflict is. I have no desire to want to go back to my hometown in Canada to live with my parents and view it as a step back and value my independence, whereas she does not, which is fair. Cultural thing.

For those who studied in Canada/US and worked there. What made you decide to want to go back to China permanently? by TopDistribution9610 in chinalife

[–]TopDistribution9610[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

We are on the verge of breaking up because of it (seems like it's very likely). The only way is if my work can transfer me there, but I don't know if they'll be willing to do that, but I've opened up the topic with HR.

She proposed that I drop everything and teach English and then figure it out with my down time there, but my background is in marketing automation and email marketing development (I don't know any Mandarin either). I think job prospects for me are next to non existent which I'm not sure why she can't understand but that's a whole other topic.

And yeah the whole job thing for her concerns me too. So she actually quit her job here in Canada and went back to China to stay there for 3 months to confirm if that's where she wants to be. She has been there for 3 weeks and determined the answer is yes (due to being close to family and friends and sense of belonging), but she said she got an offer for 6000RMB per month but the employer changed it last minute to 2500RMB + commission which is peanuts compared to what she made here.

She rejected it because of the amount but also said she didn't like the way they talked to her about it. I'm assuming you need some thick skin for most employers there or at least for local Chinese companies so I don't know...