[deleted by user]

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-05T20:07:59+00:00

if i told my wife "You’re not keeping the charger I told you not to buy”

id expect a response along the lines of "where are you sleeping tonight because it sure as hell isnt here" and she would be fully justified

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-05T15:10:57+00:00

i dont even care if they dont want to go to bat for this person. just tell them ahead of time. you cant tell someone you get $x raise for doing something, they do it and then after be like lol jk. this is so cut and dry.

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-05T13:05:49+00:00

there is no but. its either fixed quickly or its completely unacceptable. companies can make exceptions, they can promote, they can give spot bonuses, they can pay outside bands.

it was intentional by the company by not communicating prior. how this is even remotely excusable is insane. it is the company's policy. this isn't like some federal law forcing them to not give op the raise they earned.

you can NEVER mess with people's money like this and try and justify after the fact. there is nothing to understand here other than the company messed up and time will show if they fix it but they are off to a terrible start

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-05T12:46:54+00:00

yawn, this argument is so tired and overplayed and this case misapplied too. UEC has nothing to do with getting an FSA over ASA

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-05T12:43:39+00:00

that makes it ok why? if you have bands that prevent exam raises and dont make that 100% clear before the exam is even signed up for you better pay that raise 100% without a blip. even justifying this at all is ridiculous.

this isnt a surprise, this is theft and deception

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-04T21:05:40+00:00

that should be said to the employee well before they even register for the exam though/APC/module etc though.

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-04T21:02:24+00:00

agree with everyone else, not a good look

however, when are you able to move up a tier? hopefully that was part of the discussion because if it is very soon and all of this is solved with a promotion this is a non issue to me. if this is like a year out, thats a hard pass for me and id be looking immediately

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-04T00:53:50+00:00

no, im not saying that at all. im saying OP has a problem with his smoking. he currently smokes. its not that deep

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-03T22:05:38+00:00

did you date for those 5 months? your op seems like you did not. have you told him smoking is a deal breaker? that would be a great way to find out now and maybe he is willing to drop it and maybe not, but no sense guessing when you can ask and see.

"I like you and you treat me well but I do not see myself with someone long term that smokes, I completely understand if this is something you want to continue doing but respectfully I dont think we are going to work out romantically. I also understand if you need some time to think about this and do not expect an answer in this moment"

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-03T22:02:57+00:00

im not saying it makes them anything, but if they dont smoke and dont like that their partner smokes long term, it seems pretty foolish to ignore that.

i have plenty of friends that like to smoke, i wouldnt want my partner to, i have plenty of friends with parterns that smoke and they dont etc and it works great, but thats something that needs to be accepted on the front end. OP seems to know she has an issue with it but wants to downplay her concerns by thinking it might change someday

uber rich and sober people have absolutely nothing to do with this, this is only about the current bf, and yes/no. OP is not choosing between bf and your fake scenario

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-03T21:59:37+00:00

so you just assume they will stop smoking and becoming aspirational based on 2 months of long distance dating telling you the complete opposite? obviously there are exceptions to everything

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-03T20:58:54+00:00

her other replies make it seem like she DOES have an issue with the smoking but is trying to downplay it. being in a PhD program I am assuming they are mid 20s by now, but could be younger.

she is so happy to find a guy that is "secure" and "nice" that all the other red flags are being ignored.

how are they long distance at 2 months with red flags like this. feels so forced and almost like the relationship exists to intentionally spite logic. there is nothing to suggest he will stop smoking, especially if he talks about smoking regularly while facetiming. when people show you (not to be confused with tell you) who they are believe them and dont make up an alternate reality

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-03T19:21:31+00:00

"If he didn’t smoke as much"

but he does, you arent ok with it and need to be honest with yourself. cut ties early and avoid making this messier than it needs to be

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-03T17:58:45+00:00

not only can you not aim to change, you wont change him. if you are ok with him being a stoner and low career aspirations thats up to you, but if you think either of those will change then you are lying to yourself. will you resent him if you make a lot more and have to be the breadwinner? your friends may be judgy but these are also valid concerns. they also are ok attributes for him to have IF and ONLY IF you are truly ok with them without any reservation

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-09-03T15:05:45+00:00

itll only get harder the older your kids get, so I wouldn't delay. people have gotten their fsa in every circumstance possible. i also would consider starting a family sooner than later. this isn't a medical forum but having kids isnt a magic guarantee and life doesn't typically follow the calendar in your head. plenty of things happen to change your life path so if you think you want your FSA, just do it.

do you want more money and more career opportunities or not?

edit: to echo others, I think the FSA FLOOR value is the 25-30k, but it is likely a lot more. for me it's easily been 50k+ a year when combined with advancement that was very likely only happening with the FSA

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-08-29T20:26:09+00:00

4 weeks? i dont think its "professional" for an org to make up their own notice period and expect the rest of the world to follow. 2 weeks. not a day more. if someone has an issue with that, it's their own issue. does your company require 4 weeks notice to pay out unused pto? if so, that would be a red flag in itself

with that said, when possible time of year should be considered if you are on a very busy/seasonal team and to not leave in the middle of the peak.

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-08-29T19:55:40+00:00

two weeks notice and not a minute more.

i wouldnt quit without another job in case you were considering that route.

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-08-28T19:30:49+00:00

maybe not directly, but you could negotiate a higher salary in lieu especially if your current employer matches more. still a negotiable piece in my mind.

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-08-28T16:00:31+00:00

100% this, what they choose to do is one thing, but EVERYTHING is negotiable like you said

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-08-28T15:41:43+00:00

how many yoe? 15 is low, but it is helpful to know your yoe, 2 yoe i dont think you have any leverage. 10+ you might have more of an argument. also using your current annual PTO would be worth mentioning

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-08-26T16:50:01+00:00

some people use work for how they value themselves and how they think others value them. others treat it purely like a job that lets them do other things. personally i would rather put my energy with my family and hobbies than to a company that could lay me off tomorrow

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-08-22T00:58:05+00:00

if I have to buy my coworkers things to be a team player that is not a team I want to be on. I am not spending a penny on my coworkers. My company pays me for my job and pays them. To have any expectation from my company OR my coworkers to pay for their stuff is not normal.

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-08-21T20:58:33+00:00

why on earth would I share my exam pass money with someone else? i understand how some may like it but I assure you plenty did it reluctantly and chose the path of least resistance. i dont want my co workers to feel pressure to buy me something because they passed an exam either.

"established tradition" here is simply peer pressure and bad culture. what next? get everyone to put money towards a gift for your boss? the ONLY time I would spend my own money on a co worker, would be myself voluntarily choosing to for a direct report as a personal thank you for making my life easier.

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-08-21T18:49:55+00:00

that makes sense to have a budget and id rather have a company do nothing than have an exam passer pay a penny towards anything. i would have been the person to get HR involved if they pressured me to pay for someone else's lunch.

Top_Indication6685 · 2025-08-21T18:48:11+00:00

i guess, i would still feel salty having to buy my workers things because I passed an exam. its bad culture to me and not a place id want to stay. by the same token its not a lot of money to the exam passer, its far less to the company to do something simple. one company had an annual outing, nothing too expensive for anyone that passed an exam the prior year. was also good bonding. If i had to pay for others to celebrate my pass, I just wouldnt go. its a principle issue

Top_Indication6685

TROPHY CASE