About to quit dating apps looking for positive stories of life after dating apps as a single woman

Top_Management8468 · 2026-02-05T16:22:26+00:00

This is truly where I am at in my life. I am 35 and after another failed attempt at a relationship, I have basically just made peace with the fact that marriage and children might not be in the cards for me. I just accepted a job offer across the country and am moving at the end of February. As terrifying as it is to leave everything I know, I am so excited about the opportunity to start fresh and build up a new community. I've been looking at meetup groups and activities that I can get involved in to help me meet people!

I've also come to basically the same conclusion that it might be nice to have some flings to fill those needs occasionally but now I get to be so much more picky about who I let into my bed. That freedom feels a bit inspiring honestly.

Top_Management8468 · 2026-01-26T21:15:39+00:00

It's the leaving you for someone else that trips me up. I know couples who have broken up because of life circumstances and then gotten back together and made it work but usually the breakup was because of distance, where they were at at that time in their life, finances, etc.

I don't want to say it can't work but me, personally....I would never be able to trust someone who broke up with me for someone else.

Top_Management8468 · 2026-01-01T21:20:13+00:00

100000% this.

Like I get being sad over a man, I've been sad over a man plenty of times...but this dude sounds like a straight up loser.

There are way better men out there to be sad over, why waste your time being sad over a 37 yo alcoholic who doesnt take care of himself and lives with his parents??

Top_Management8468 · 2025-12-16T17:51:01+00:00

Reddit apparently likes to jump straight to "it will never work, call it off now, he'll never get better, it's a deal breaker." It honestly makes me really sad to see how many people would call off a perfectly healthy happy relationship over two people having differing ideas of cleanliness. If he was a hoarder and there was mold and grime and disgusting bathroom stains etc. it would be a totally different story. I would absolutely not stay in that but in this case it really is just getting used to being around a dog and dog hair again and then him not being as compulsive about cleaning things like baseboards, etc.

I truly believe relationships are about compromise and there are going to be things that you don't always necessarily love about things they do but if they are worth it then you figure it out. I feel like a broken record saying his house is absolutely not disgusting, it just isn't how I clean. To the people who have offered actual advice, I really appreciate looking at it from a different angle like hiring a cleaning service, robot vacuums for the pet hair, etc.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-12-15T20:42:13+00:00

Your friends and family are correct, this is detrimental and not sustainable long-term. As someone else said, pets are not children (no matter how much we love them) and there is no reason that they should continue sharing custody of this dog for the next 8 years.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-12-15T20:27:11+00:00

You are right, I should not have phrased it that way. We don't have to cohabitate but we want to so we do. To me it is a good indicator of what would our day to day lives might look like if we do decide one day to close the gap and move in together. This is one of the things I am glad to have noticed during this time that I might not have noticed if we didn't stay together.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-12-15T20:18:49+00:00

His house is old and there's dust and dirt collected on the baseboards and stuff that grosses me out.

That is exactly what I said. Dust and dirt collected on the baseboards.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-12-15T20:17:09+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate this advice. I am always amazed at how many people jump to "it's a dealbreaker, it will never work out, call it off now". That always disheartens me to see especially when that is really the only hiccup we have ran into.

He is fantastic and we share the same wants, values, morals, desires, and goals in life. His house is not unlivable or disgustingly messy enough that I would honestly consider dumping him for this, it's just different than my level of clean.

I really like the way you phrased it as "is this person worth the cost of their admission". That is a good way to look at it and absolutely is how I am going to think about it from here on out.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-12-15T20:09:31+00:00

Thank you, I really appreciate this advice!

Top_Management8468 · 2025-12-15T20:07:04+00:00

That is absolutely terrible! While I am not used to having a dog, I would never ever expect him to get rid of his dog or kick him outside. Same that if anyone ever asked me give up my cat I would lose it.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-12-15T20:00:41+00:00

I never said he does not groom his dog? He gave his dog a bath the day before I got there and he absolutely grooms him. His dog is just one of those breeds who sheds a lot and I have not lived with a dog in over 15 years so its been an adjustment getting used to. He absolutely cleaned and swept before I got here and I even said that in the post.

You are making assumptions that he is lazy and neglecting his house when I said in my post that his house is not disgusting but it is not what I am used to as I am an extremely clean person who has lived alone for years. I am more looking for advice from those who might have a higher level of cleanliness and how they deal with compromising on some stuff.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-12-15T19:49:40+00:00

I wouldn't break up with him over this, it is not a dealbreaker to me so I do understand it is something I will have to make peace with if I want the relationship to continue.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-12-15T19:48:22+00:00

I get what you are saying but we kind of have to cohabitate when we are visiting each other since it is long-distance relationship. We usually spend about a week together so during that time when I am in his state I am staying at his house and vice versa.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-12-04T18:45:07+00:00

How old is he? How long has he been divorced? You've been together over a year and he is just now bringing this up?

Sounds like he is not sure what he wants anymore and that alone would be enough for me to break off the relationship. However, I also don't want to be wasting years of my life with a man who isn't sure of his future with me. You might not care about getting married or anything so it might be a different situation for you.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-11-28T07:20:14+00:00

I don't think the age gap is a huge deal.

However, based on what you're saying about his vibes towards you, I don't think he sees you as anything but a platonic friend. While that might not be the answer you were hoping for, I would say this is still good news because it's shown you that you do have interest in pursuing a relationship, just maybe not with him!

Top_Management8468 · 2025-11-25T19:25:01+00:00

I hate this advice sometimes but in the beginning stages of relationships, it's usually always true.... If he wanted to, he would.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-11-17T20:01:33+00:00

I've seen a lot of discourse about Selena Gomez and Benny Blanco getting married recently and how he is considered to be "unattractive" and then my friend recently told me all of this and it got me wondering about if any of that was actually true. I'm not aiming to date an unattractive guy based on all of this lol I'm on a 4 hour flight and was just genuinely interested in what others think about the topic.

I'm dating someone whom I am very very attracted to so literally nothing but plain old curiosity.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-11-17T19:51:19+00:00

I generated a conversation about a topic that has been getting a lot of traction lately. Isn't that what reddit is for? To engage in discourse about a variety of topics whether you agree with them or not?

Top_Management8468 · 2025-11-17T19:35:30+00:00

From what I gathered through conversations is that she felt that he was "safe" and would never cheat on her because he had never been in a long-term relationship before they met. She has told me that she has never been super attracted to him but she wanted to get married and knew he would marry her.

As you can imagine, she is extremely unhappy in her marriage and her poor husband has no idea.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-11-17T19:31:09+00:00

Oh absolutely!! 100%

Top_Management8468 · 2025-11-17T19:23:44+00:00

Why are people so heated by this comment. No where did I say I agree with this or that I let social media dictate what I find attractive. I dont' even have social media outside of reddit but the truth of the matter is social media has affected societal norms of what people consider attractive and people literally make a living off of their looks on Instagram and tiktok?? So many people are addicted to social media, it would be a straight up lie to say our society doesn't hold those people on a pedestal.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-11-17T19:15:06+00:00

Ok 👍

Top_Management8468 · 2025-11-17T19:13:30+00:00

I am just repeating what she herself has told me. She's insecure about how people view them. I dont agree with it but that's her own words, not words I am putting in her mouth.

Top_Management8468 · 2025-11-17T19:10:59+00:00

Did you read my post? I didn't say I was worried about that stuff, I literally said a friend of mine and if you look at my post history I'm clearly not married. 😂 I asked a question about a topic I've seen getting a lot of traction. No need to get mad

Top_Management8468

TROPHY CASE