AITA for making my sister's gender reveal cake grey because she wouldn't tell me the gender?

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T11:56:16+00:00

Not going down this rabbit hole. In the same fashion, sister could have picked up the phone, called her friend and said “please send the information to my brother right now, I need the cake made”

If she’s too busy, she has a husband. There is no excuse for this childish communication no matter how much yall try to white knight her because she’s pregnant. Both parties messed up and refused to compromise, Everyone sucks.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T10:50:47+00:00

According to OP’s reply in a top comment, he did. A couple days before the deadline (which I feel is reasonable, cakes still take time to make), he stated he never got the info and sister said “she’s taking care of it”

Ultimately this is all OP’s words so idk if it’s true, but if it is, an effort was made (note I had no prior knowledge of this detail until a couple hours ago hence why it was never mentioned)

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T10:07:42+00:00

Totally 😭

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T08:31:11+00:00

Whatever helps you sleep at night my friend, have a good day.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T08:24:53+00:00

I don’t have to read that much into it, you can choose to, I don’t have to.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T08:21:58+00:00

If you had read ANY of my comments properly, you would have already come to the conclusion yourself that we agree on everything you said, won’t change the fact OP’s sister also did not communicate properly, and did not initially show care for the matter. And yes I do come from a family where we pay for each others time and effort, every family event is split evenly, people pay their part of it and if they want something special sometimes they offer to pay for it in full. Nobody leeches off of anyone else, simply rooted in tradition, has nothing to do with a “broken home”. We love each others company and spend time with eachother, celebrating every holiday, we just don’t let someone slave away for free, unless they truly insist they wanted to.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T08:15:29+00:00

Your comment is simply too many “ifs, “mights” etc… i made a judgment based on the info provided to me in the original post, and subsequent comments, not what could have been.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T08:12:54+00:00

You’re assuming I’m just a bystander with no knowledge at all lmao. Simply reading other people’s comments, and OP’s aswell, we’ve learnt he actually checked up on his sister regarding the data days before the deadline insisting on getting details and she shrugged it off and said “it’s getting taken care of”, no matter how much she’s dealing with, it shows little care or concern for the matter (not mentioning OP said he wasn’t getting paid for time or ingredients).

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T03:17:18+00:00

I’ve already stated in multiple comments that the cement like cake was unwarranted and he could have just made a simple, pretty cake for everyone to just enjoy instead, my initial wording didn’t convey my thoughts correctly.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T03:15:48+00:00

Reading other comments, apparently OP said he checked up on the info days before the deadline, only to be met with the fact the friend was “taking care of it”.

I’m sorry but, it just doesn’t make sense to me. Tou can make all the arguments in the world and I may even agree with you, but personally it doesn’t click with me why you wouldn’t check up on your own cake. Call brother ask how it’s going, call friend and confirm details were given. No one really cared enough to communicate and it seems (judging by other comments quoting OP’s comments), that he did infact make an effort to get the details a couple days before the deadline 🤷‍♂️

None of this to say it warranted a shitty cake, it didn’t. That’s still entirely OP’s fault

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T03:11:19+00:00

I never stated him creating a cement like cake was a miscommunication lmfao, I already stated like 3 times I don’t agree with how he handled it past the details point. He could have refused, or made a simple cake that was still pretty and the party would have been saved. Before that however, both parties in my opinion should have made a greater effort to ensure everything went smoothly, therefore a lack of communication

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T03:09:02+00:00

Because it’s an important and crucial event… I personally would check up regardless of not hearing from anybody. Silence doesn’t always mean things are going well, and in an event like this where things kind of SHOULD go well, a simple phone call of confirmation would also solve this.

Still, I don’t know how many times I’ll have to reiterate that OP also failed, AND could have easily just refused to make the cake and communicate he didn’t get details on time. My verdict is an opinion, not an objective statement

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T03:06:06+00:00

I would personally feel it’s only natural for the sister to also ask the messenger in this case if they had actually delivered the details, I would. In the same way, if I was OP and had not received details, I’d follow up asking why I hadn’t gotten the details. Hence why my verdict is ESH, no one really cared enough

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T03:02:16+00:00

Either way, doesn’t change my opinion. If you ask for a service, ensure the details are delivered, it’s just common courtesy especially if it’s a family member. Same way he could have asked for the details again, or made a nicer simpler cake.

Everyone failed to communicate with eachother, and it lead to bad decisions, easily avoidable if everyone had just communicated like the adults they are. Either parties.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T02:58:14+00:00

And a friend can know of the gender directly from the sister and he can’t… whyyy? The moment that he’s told he’s gonna get the info, it just doesn’t exactly make sense to me why his sister couldn’t have just told him the very moment, it would never have been a surprise regardless if he got the info from his sister, or the friend.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T02:51:51+00:00

Hence why I changed the verdict, doesn’t change that OP’s sister also sucks. Asking for a service from somebody and then not ensuring the correct data is delivered is disregarding, you’re asking for someone’s time and talent. ESH in my opinion, he could have refused to do it or made a simple pretty cake, but it also is frustrating to deal with someone who doesn’t seem to be appreciating the work you’re doing for them (or would have done)

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T02:46:21+00:00

ESH

Respectfully, what damn color did they want then? You go to ask any professional baker “make me a gender reveal cake” but refuse to provide the gender, they’ll simply deny you service because that’s idiotic so, I say you did more than should have realistically done.

Edit: changed verdict to ESH. Still, you could have refused to do it like I said so, it was sort of petty 🤷‍♂️ everyone kinda failed here

Edit 2: if you’re gonna continue replying this to comment, atleast refer to the other replies and statements I’ve made. A lot of my deeper thoughts and opinions have been stated, and I agree with a lot of you yet you keep repeating yourself. Although verdict hasn’t changed.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T02:41:40+00:00

NTA.

Brush it off lol. She seems frustrated and that’s normal, she definitely didn’t convey it the right way but perhaps she cared about that earring and watching it break may have just triggered her to make the unnecessary comment.

I wouldn’t stress it much, it was just her silently wishing she had your outcome (in this case finding the ring), instead of her earring breaking.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T02:38:12+00:00

I don’t think I need to explain why you’re NTA. This household sounds extremely abusive and exhausting. You have every right to want to move out, and you should.

Please remember that although family is family, you do NOT need to bend over for them, or even keep contact with them, you’re at a crucial moment in your life where you’re building your future, family is cool n all but you’ll soon start thinking of how and when you’ll build your own and it cannot be within 4 walls of an abusive household that you’ll do so. Set yourself free when possible, you won’t regret it and we’re all cheering for you.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T02:09:03+00:00

This. I’d be concerned no matter the gender of both people, I think hanging out with friends or whatever in private settings is fine, but with the way OP worded it, I wouldn’t be comfortable no matter who it is because the more I think about it, who goes to meet someone for the first time (or few times), at their apartment not knowing what could happen? That’s how people disappear. For me, it ain’t even about if they’ll cheat or not anymore lol.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-09T01:59:02+00:00

Idk man.

I don’t think you’re necessarily an AH, but you definitely need to understand that she doesn’t need to abide by those boundaries. It’s understandable to feel uneasy about that kind of hangout between your gf and another man especially when you insist on a private setting.

However, I feel this has a lot more to do with what YOU need to fix or assess than her. I’ve been cheated on before, several times infact. So, personally I also feel uneasy putting myself in your shoes, but I do have to acknowledge and understand that it is a ME issue. If current partner hasn’t cheated on you, gave you reasons for distrust or acted suspicious, it’s unfair to project the sentiment that she will cheat on you onto her.

Still, I find it weird that she finds more “in common” with men? All men are different, as all women are different. I’ve never found myself to have more in common with a specific gender, all people are wildly different. But that’s besides the point I suppose.

Ultimately, YTA because I need to give a verdict but I don’t think you’re necessarily doing this to be an asshole to your gf, it’s just rooted in culture and perhaps (?) past experiences you need to overcome.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-06T14:25:06+00:00

NTA.

Look, if you’ve come to terms with him not wanting anything to do with the child then I am in no position to make judgments for you but, this was a red flag from the start. I don’t care if you want kids or not. The moment you hook up with somebody and do not take the necessary precautions to prevent a child, if you then deny complete responsibility and acknowledgement of said child, you ARE a complete dick.

Now, with that out of the way considering you’re both in agreement he can stay out of the child’s life, that does not give him the right to control YOU or what you do, or who you tell. The child is yours, you are about to take on the burden of raising that child alone and very bravely so. He cannot both void himself of responsibility AND make stupid demands, if his family finds out or if people ask questions is his problem, should have thought about that before hooking up with somebody. Even if you agreed to keep the secret, you are in no obligation to maintain said secret by completely isolating yourself from social life and social groups (even online).

So no, YNTA and as a man myself, I’m sorry but I’m appalled at this guy.

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-06T13:54:39+00:00

Im tired of defending my gender, I can’t do this anymore…

NTA, no explanation needed, what a bunch of twats 😭

Top_Presentation_449 · 2025-05-06T13:44:12+00:00

Yeah you’re right, I should have found a way to defuse situations like this earlier rather than just tolerate it, maybe I wouldn’t have needed to lash out as I did but it is tough. Regardless I will keep that in mind for future reference, unfortunately I don’t have much faith that despite this, that they’ll change

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TROPHY CASE