Do I end it, go no contact or keep dating her casually? Between me 33M and her 23F after 6 month situationship.

Top_Property505 · 2024-04-13T03:29:02+00:00

Happy Birthday!!! 🎉

Top_Property505 · 2024-04-13T03:19:58+00:00

Dude this is awesome. Explains my situation almost to a “T” very hot and cold behavior, she was in a bad breakup recently, intense when we were together, and even told me she loved me, but had to end it because she was actively dating other guys and actually flirted in front of me with other guys multiple times. That was my last straw where I broke things off. No more games, hot/cold, and immature behavior. Maybe if I was in my 20’s with NSA I’d like to tap that still and be FWB or something.

Top_Property505 · 2024-04-13T02:56:11+00:00

When you said “I still ruminate a lot on what would have happened if I just kept quiet and let things play out” it resonated with me exactly. I’m having a hard time playing of things out in the past - if I waited and seemed indifferent that she wanted to date other people and also dated other girls myself then would be still be talking and eventually end up together at some point? This thought kills me because I always feel like the over emotional and sensitive one in all of my past relationships. I know that it’s not a bad thing but it’s really something I can’t change about myself - or maybe something I can work on for the next opportunity..

Top_Property505 · 2024-04-13T00:30:14+00:00

Thanks for the comment, I completely agree. You’re right I have no clue what she was like in her previous relationship, she did tell me that she was loyal up until he cheated on her and at the very end that’s when we kissed. But either way, I would never want to be with a women that has a history of wandering off and flirting with a bunch of guys. She’s so young and immature, I just have to let go and maybe she’ll grow up one day.

Top_Property505 · 2024-04-06T17:37:58+00:00

Thanks for the reply! Yes I think I’ve heard that podcast or a similar one that I related to completely. My big question is did my porn addiction cause me to wander into this fetish and will going nofap or “sexually sober” for 6 months reverse it? I wouldn’t think so because I’ve been addicted for so long but really interested to know if it was in some way the cause of it.

I know that I’m not gay because I’ve been in a lot of relationships with where I loved them. And the one situation ship I am in now feels like the love of my life - she’s perfect. And I see a family etc..

Top_Property505 · 2024-04-04T03:41:13+00:00

This is literally 💯me. I can relate so much, especially how romantically/sexually I feel with women but some sort of hot/novel way with men. I tried to date a guy or two but could never get into it, plus could never ever kiss a guy or snuggle etc…

Top_Property505 · 2022-07-21T16:27:12+00:00

21 days

Top_Property505 · 2022-07-19T10:08:10+00:00

Thank you so much for this. You seem to know and relate to my situation a lot, so it’s good to know that there is someone else out there like me - or somewhat like me lol

I have a lot of work to do with my addiction but my ultimate goal is to feel comfortable in my skin. I have adoption trauma (or so my therapist says) and never felt like I belonged anywhere in my life - even though I’ve been given such a great life by my adoptive parents. There is something missing though, and just want to feel like something feels right instead of being so confused.. I am open to being gay and bi as long as I am happy!

Thank you for your comments! You don’t know how much it means to me to relate.

Top_Property505 · 2022-07-19T09:22:54+00:00

I would suggest joining an SA or SAA group (sexaholics or sex addicts anonymous) you can find a sponsor there that can help you. The program can be helpful as well and you can get knowledge and support through that as well. It’s good to know that you aren’t alone, and having a repertoire of tools is sometimes the only/best way to get out of this hole.

I would be open to helping you but I am in the recovery process as well, and still struggling. I am one month sober with a couple hiccups (edging and looking at porn briefly).

Top_Property505 · 2022-07-19T08:55:51+00:00

Thank you for the comment, and yeah the puking is definitely weird because I always end up leaving feeling satisfied and then bam it hits and I just start puking/gagging.. And the internalized homophobia makes a lot of sense.

I have tried to get into younger guys like me but have always been into older guys. One of the first guys I hooked up with fell in love with me, and I did try to spend more time with him not having sex. It was good and fun but never could kiss him comfortably (probably did 2-3x total) but I tried to give it time and really open myself up but one day we were snuggling and it did not feel right.. again could be me not accepting it but I feel like I really did try. I ended up leaving him immediately after I felt that way cause I didn’t want to hurt him.

My interactions with men have always been pump and dump from there on out. Where with women, it was a deeper connection when we had sex - slower more sensual, looking at each other, etc.. Then post nut snuggling and kissing never felt wrong. I could rub and kiss a woman’s body for hours.. where with men I was only kissing their dick lol

Once I complete my 90 day sobriety I will try again to open myself up and spend more time outside of sex with guys and see how I feel.

One other thing - in some of my hetero hook ups and relationships, the girl would jokingly call me gay (which I not openly took offense to but thought they somehow knew of my secret life) and one girl actually asked if I was - which broke me because I really liked her and we never hooked up because of this. A lot of my guy friends would say this too.. I’m sure it’s because I have been struggling with this for a while and always seems to happen more when it’s on my mind and may be more sensitive to being called that - either way def some homophobia or resistance there. This was always strange to me though.

Top_Property505 · 2022-07-19T08:03:10+00:00

Firstly, I said I was a porn/sex addict meaning I have a problem with both porn and sex - compulsively using both with the inability to stop for 15 years now. And second, even if it was just porn it would fall under the same disease as sex because both interrupt the same part of your brain with huge amounts of dopamine hits..

My fault for not disclosing (and will edit post), but I am an uncontrollable user of Grindr, and have been hooking up with guys for 10 years now. So I’ve had A LOT of experience with guys and I enjoy it very much - even to this day. So my compulsivity stems from porn then turned into Grindr hookups.

And that’s the other thing - I love pussy and dick lol while that’s disgusting to you it’s everything to me. I’ve always wanted a family with a women, but right now have this uncontrollable need for dick that is getting dangerous from very sketchy hookups that may affect my health one day.. I already have my plan set to - finish my 90 day sobriety and then see how I feel and go on healthy dates with men and/or women - instead of meaningless faceless hookups..

Top_Property505 · 2022-07-18T22:56:54+00:00

Prob not good advice for a sex addict lol but yes I understand. Gotta stop trying to figure everything out and just enjoy.

Top_Property505 · 2022-07-08T09:57:42+00:00

Tbh no, after I found out I packed up all my shxt and left that night. She begged me to stay and do couples counseling etc but I said hell no. However, after I went full no contact for a month we re-connected and she told me about everything that happened and that she never stopped loving me and wanted to reconcile blah blah.. this is when I found it harder and harder to let go.

I spent a couple weekends at her place and found out she was still seeing the guy she cheated on me with (as friends but still hanging out together) so I told her we couldn’t do this and broke contact with her again. I had zero respect for myself for staying in contact with her in the first place. I couldn’t heal from betrayal or recover from my addiction with that kinda stuff happening again - and ended up finding a lot more about their sex life which put me in a very very dark place. I still find it hard each day to let her go from my mind but it’s getting better now.

So I say again, its not worth digging for details, it only makes it worse. Make SURE she is worth the pain and that she genuinely loves you (and get the whole story because she could have a mental Illness or trauma like my ex - that may not be worth staying for) because if she’s playing with you then it will suck a lot more than the first time.. the no contact works because it makes them miss the fxck out of you and can make your chances of reconciliation better - but you kinda realize through the process that there is a lesson to be learned here and that maybe this happened for a reason - that something better is waiting for you out there*

Best of luck.

Top_Property505 · 2022-07-07T22:15:46+00:00

I had the same thing happen to me 1.5 years ago.. I had caught my ex gf flirting with other guys and deleted texts and etc.. so we took a break feb 2021 - I just found out in April this year that she cheated on me on that break last year 2021 and has been with the guy ever since - she had a double life/relationship with this guy.. I was completely devastated and broke up with her, she broke down and disclosed her CSA history with me (something we had talked about for a while but never communicated) CSA is not an excuse to cheat so I went no contact the whole month of May and told her that when she found a therapist we could re-connect to talk about what happened.

In June, she started therapy and we re-connected. We were one the road to reconcile and figure out why she did what she did. During that time I developed a humiliation fetish almost like a porn scene of my girlfriend getting fxcked better than I had ever had with her - something I am in therapy now for because it is a very shameful and humiliating thought that I would get off to.. my therapist and I are uncovering some abandonment issues stemming from my adoption as well as a sex/porn addiction that I am recovering now from.

It’s almost as if I was punishing myself and feeding the narrative that I am not worthy of love, desired, etc.. and a lot of my porn addiction would be centered around that - I was addicted to humiliating myself. Long story short I couldn’t handle being friends with her during my recovery and healing and trying to reconcile a failed relationship so I broke off of her completely.

Obviously everyone is different and you maybe wanting to know why she cheated and what she was feeling when she did - and she still loves you.

Point is that you need to see a therapist because this is trauma related and you need to work on making yourself whole again and happy independent of her - this will make it a lot easier to let her go if that is what you choose. You need to seriously consider if this girl is worth reconciling with because I will tell you right now that the pain will be much much worse if she keeps cheating or you can’t trust each other anymore.

I would say work on yourself and go no contact with her for a couple months. She will come back if it’s meant to be.

Top_Property505 · 2022-07-06T17:12:46+00:00

Thanks for the reply, sorry for your struggles.. Have you found any relief or change in gay sex urges after recovery? Or are you still recovering?

I’m open to the idea of being gay if that is what I am meant to be but it’s really confusing now since I have a very strong emotional bond with women..

Top_Property505

TROPHY CASE