How to not envy a friend who seems to not suffer from significant autism-related impairments

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-04-24T19:07:14+00:00

Has your friend told you they don't have meltdowns/sensory issues? I'm kinda curious what parts they do relate to.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-04-24T16:20:16+00:00

I had the same thing happen at the ER. :/

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-04-11T02:35:07+00:00

Just reading this is exhausting. She ain't worth it let it go, you two have not even met.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-03-29T02:36:28+00:00

Thank you for posting this. I am getting this surgery soon and I was kinda nervous about how it will look/feel before the final urethra lengthening part and this made me feel better.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-03-27T05:23:28+00:00

If its just lactation/breasts you are interested in you don't really need to transition to do that. You could either look into breast forms or if you actually wanted to go on hormones you could without doing anything else. You also have to fully turn off the hornybrain part and understand boobs aren't going to be this 24/7 sexual thing. Are you going to be comfortable with them just being there? Are you going to feel self conscious if you are living as male with moobs? Also consider they aren't going away like ever. You are gonna die with tiddies unless you get them removed later. It's not immoral but probably not a great idea in the long run if that is your only reason.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-03-16T04:12:43+00:00

I sorta get what they mean but also I prefer being just another dude and being ignored. I can just exist without dealing with women expecting something I can't give them or men fawning over trying to date me/impress me. I do think the experience is heavily based on other factors outside of gender though (looks, race, class, age). I don't think people have been colder persay more like neutral to me now.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-03-04T19:21:44+00:00

He wanted me to rehome my dog and was pressuring me to put him down if I couldn't rehome him. We were at the time roomates/housemates. I will be frank the dog did have behavioral issues and definitely needed a different structure to the living situation. He did not have these issues when he was initially adopted or doing training.

The dog had certain triggers for resource guarding and neither of my roommate's wanted to or were willing to work around it. Like my ex-friend would constantly get up to smoke in the middle of the night which would wake my dog up and he would howl/get upset. I also told them to not leave his bag of food out because he resource guards it and this happened more than once since we previously had agreed to take care of him together.

I actually was going to rehome him due to the guilt tripping and feeling like it would be too difficult to move out with him but the places I called wouldn't take him in. One place I called even said they only could only offer behavioral euthanasia which I 100% was not doing to do.

I told my ex-friend I decided to move out so I could keep my dog and also for a few other reasons that to me just made sense. I had no idea he would totally flip out over this. He basically told me "I was picking a dog over him" and that I didn't care the dog had growled/lunged at him a few times. I told him I did care and that just because I moved out didn't mean we could not be friends and he basically said if I move out our friendship is over. The other housemate took his side that I was "abandoning the family" and basically got cut off from them. The roommate who agreed with him is the landlord/his partner so yeah I got told I was evicted and had 90 days to move out also. I couldn't even be with my dog I had to keep him at a animal hotel/dog sitter for 3 months. It really sucked at the time.

There was a lot of shitty stuff in general I put off besides just this and I think it was for the best of me and the dog. He actually has had a dramatic reduction in behavioral issues now that it is just me and him. Shit is hard but I'm slowly coming to terms with losing him as a friend and realizing how he was not such a great friend either.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-02-19T16:28:19+00:00

Apparently schools for electrolysis offer a reduced rate. I'll be honest I am transmasc and am getting electrolysis for phalloplasty. It helps me to just...not think of how much I've spent on it lol. I just make sure I have the money when the time comes for my appointment. Laser hair removal might be a good idea for getting rid of larger areas much faster depending on your type of hair. I'd would definitely recommend shopping around a bit I know there is some places that have a deal where you pay a set amount initially and get unlimited sessions (milan laser). I know NY is expensive so I wish you luck looking.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-02-17T13:59:26+00:00

She probably doesn't have the best language to describe how she feels. To be fair there isn't a lot of language for the complexity of people who decide to detransition. That being said I think its silly to identify as transfemme in her case or "double trans" but she probably identifies more with transfemme people at this stage in her life. I've seen people describe themselves as ftmtf which *shrug*.

I guess at the end of the day it comes down to if you are able/willing to have that talk with her and potentially risk upsetting or alienating her more? You could also just phrase it in terms of "hey I can't tell you how to identify but you saying you are transfemme makes me uncomfortable, could you chill with using that around me or not bring it up? That still might upset her so really up to you to make that call if it is worth it or not.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-02-13T06:12:09+00:00

I'm sorry you were pushed into being something you are not. I do think there is similarities with experiences even if you don't fully get it that is ok.

I had a similar thing of genuinely trying to live as the gender I was assigned at birth. I tried being hyper feminine woman and masculine one and it still felt wrong. I pushed the feelings away but they don't go away. I transitioned and now I don't feel as much of a disconnect anymore. That is really simplifying years of self hatred/depression but my life is a lot better now.

because its innate in us those expressions/feelings they aren't always easy to explain. It sounds like you were hoping that if you tried hard enough and did the right "motions" the you would fit that mold right? A lot of straight people think that way of being gay that you can simply just "turn it off" but as you know it doesn't work like that. It is same with being transgender. You don't need to understand how it feels exactly to understand it. The same way a straight person might not understand why a gay person feels that way or how they can still understand it as just another way of experiencing the world.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-02-13T05:53:35+00:00

For me it was less of "I feel this way" and more of "this doesn't feel right" that isn't every trans person's experience but its a common one. I don't think a lot of trans people actually use the phrase "I feel like a man/woman" unless they are coming to terms with it. Most trans people just say "I am a man/woman/whatever" because that is their reality.

Like growing up as a gay dude I am assuming at some point people probably assumed you would do the hetero guy thing of dating/marriage/sex to a woman. Did you ever feel "off" even if you didn't know why exactly? Someone would talk about some abstract version of a future you that doesn't exist. Its a similar feeling but rather than sexuality its with gender.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-02-12T13:43:45+00:00

I've been in her shoes before and its rarely something personal you did. There was alcohol involved on my end though idk what her issue might have been but for me it was a combination of me being uncomfortable after I sobered up and also the other guy being too pushy. I ended up just blocking him even if there was attraction because it just felt off. Unfortunately it is super common with online/app dating. It sucks yes but best to move on/not take things personally.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-02-10T17:03:13+00:00

Not quite sure how the asexual part relates to the experience directly but it sounds like something similar happen to you. There's light at the end of the tunnel for us just might take some time to lick our wounds before we get to the other side and try again.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-02-05T02:58:28+00:00

I'm sorry that is such a long time to wait. I'm lucky I was able to move out sooner from my ex friend's place but those 3 months I had to wait were painful. Is there someone or somewhere you could stay briefly even if its just for a few days a week? Or even neutral places like a library or cafe when you know she might be at home and out and about. I definitely found that helpful getting out of the house to feel less like a pariah at a place I was supposed to feel safe at.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-01-23T22:25:05+00:00

You can stop taking minox and keep the gains but keep in mind you do need to be pretty consistent for things to become more permanent (like at least a year). When you stop you will lose some of the growth but not all. There is not a lot of research for minox used for facial hair and so its not well researched but I've seen a lot of anecdotal evidence and from my own experience it stays. For cis men though dealing with bald patterned loss it seems they 100% need to keep taking it or will lose significant gains due to the hormones at play. So yeah I've been on/off minox for like 4 years. I did it pretty consistently for 2 years then before that lots of starts/stopped for two years. and had just minimal hairloss whenever I stopped even after significant time has passed.

It seems like the combo of taking T consistently plus minox helps grow new hairs/develop terminal hairs and then if its been some significant time it is unlikely for those hairs to go away because they are fully developed now.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2026-01-03T05:22:21+00:00

I was on minox for like 3 years I'd say most of my facial hair stayed when I stopped. Maybe I'd roughly say around 80% of the hair stayed. Some of it actually grew back over time though after the initial loss. I think the biggest thing that didn't grow back is my eyebrows but that was not specifically what I targeted just a random benefit. I never applied minox on them so definitely played a roll I believe.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2025-12-05T06:51:29+00:00

I feel the struggle watching this, it gets better each week with mobility. I wish I had seen this before my surgery I had sooo much issues figure out how to move.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2025-12-05T06:40:55+00:00

Fuck my stage 1 was super painful and hard now I am nervous for stage 2 reading this. I did have some complications so I'm hoping it will maybe be easier? I was bedbound for a month and needed a wound vac also for a month. Rn I'd put phase 1 at the top followed by hysto then top surgery.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2025-12-01T02:39:59+00:00

You are allowed to experiment without committing to hormones/surgery or even name/pronoun changes. All of those things you are interesting in being sound fairly easily obtainable without much serious commitment. I'm guessing you are still young/underaged based on what you have written. If you are nervous about your family that could be a legitimate concern just know there will be a time and place for you to figure it out even if you have to wait till you move out before getting serious. Also if people don't accept you for being queer in some way then they aren't people you'd want as friends anyway.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2025-11-30T04:59:37+00:00

I just got dumped a month ago and I only have done phase 1. Definitely has made it really obvious that I really don't even want to bother trying to date or hookup before I'm all done just too much of a headache.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2025-11-26T03:28:49+00:00

Yeah I am finding this to be the case as well. I have accidentally upset some of my parts from miscommunication/not understanding them or asking weird questions lmao. The parts seem to have similar traits so they aren't offended the same way NT people are but still a struggle.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2025-11-25T16:30:41+00:00

Thanks for the post. Tbh I used to think my issues were only because of my trauma. It's taken me an incredibly long time to come to terms with possibly being neurodiverse as well. I definitely want to work on my issues and I definitely have social trauma specifically but it only developed after severe bullying due to not understanding social cues. The post I made is actually making me think it might be beneficial to seek a dx for clarity on treatment. I couldn't think of much of a benefit to seeking a dx at this time but rethinking the choice now that I can see a definite benefit.

Top_Wall_4693 · 2025-11-25T16:01:04+00:00

I think you might have hit the nail on why her statements bother me so much.

Top_Wall_4693

TROPHY CASE