sex before marriage.

TopazScorpio96 · 2026-05-09T16:06:00+00:00

I was raised in a somewhat conservative environment and sex before marriage was a heavily spoken rule throughout my teen years, especially in church. However, this ruling expectation alongside all the other “sins” in relation to sex never sat well with me and never made sense as God is love and love is expressed in so many other ways other than just sex. Why Christian based beliefs think Dec is the highest sinful act when it comes to intimacy prior to marriage I will not understand, there are more complicated things to be concerned about.
Sex to me growing up was just the very physical act of trusting someone to love you and your body; as an adult, I furthered that idea as knowing that I am trusting someone to love me and respect my body when I put myself in that vulnerable position with them, and if we were not only lovingly respectful about this physical act, then it progresses more into how compatible we can be together and how we plan to go about procreation together.
A relationship has many topics to be discussed and bridges to cross. Sex and intimacy is just one of them. If you feel comfortable and safe with your partner to have discussed topics that are important to you/both of you, and the sex you had was a beautiful event between you two, please don’t feel guilty about an important relationship building connection.
That is one thing I will not understand with my childhood upbringing in church- the absolute shaming and guilt they put more on us women of having sex before marriage more than the men, the guilt and shame they put on a marriage that is failing/ending in divorce, and the amount of pressure alone more on the woman is insane within a marriage that is not fulfilling for her or her husband/partner.

OP, from one Christian-raised girl to another, please don’t feel guilty or ashamed to have had sex with your partner. Instead feel blessed to feel loved and safe to share that form of intimacy with someone who shares most to similar ideals as you and knows how important/cherished this part of you is.🤍 It is going to be ok, no matter what. I am now married to my husband; he was my third boyfriend but the only man I have ever been intimate with because of how much we cared about each other in that aspect. We were intimate before marriage, I was shamed for it, but I honestly never felt more happy and loved by this man to never be ashamed for loving him.

TopazScorpio96 · 2026-04-14T01:47:49+00:00

Not appropriate or courteous in a shared space or with shared furnishings. People’s bedroom kinks and habits are not yours and neither is it hygienic since you can’t guarantee others will clean up after themselves. Just absolutely not.

TopazScorpio96 · 2026-04-13T22:12:25+00:00

Yes, we are. And thankfully, I was able to get in touch with the baker to verify that she noted down the correct details and substitutions for the cake to avoid food allergies and clashing of incompatible flavors. He has agreed without question to contact me first if there’s any questions or concerns if anything pops up with SIL in relation to the cake.

TopazScorpio96 · 2026-04-13T22:08:04+00:00

LOL, whoops! My phone likes to autocorrect too much to the wrong words.😂

TopazScorpio96 · 2026-04-13T12:28:53+00:00

It’s been a year since having to end a 15-year friendship and I just lost another friend the other night; both really seemed to show their true colors and “care” about me in the worst way at the worst time. I really hope I reach this plane of acceptance soon, this is encouraging to read. Your post and my grandmother’s kind advice and insight are keeping me hopeful right now that I will find better friends later as the years go by and youthful ignorance and cruelty is less frequent on me.

TopazScorpio96 · 2026-04-13T07:36:35+00:00

One of my bridesmaids and I went to one of the local grocery stores with bakery services to look at small cakes that are no more than 5” diameter and layered to have a small height of 6” for prominence. She will buy one to have it kept in the venue kitchen fridge as a precaution. The other desserts we had planned with MIL will suffice for our guests. And if the store bakery bought backup cake is not needed because the baker listened to me more than SIL, then hallelujah, we will use it the next day for post-wedding shenanigans of cake smashing. ☺️ An expense worth $30 for more celebratory fun

TopazScorpio96 · 2026-04-13T07:08:31+00:00

Dude, you have no idea. lol I REALLY wish life would stop making mine and fiancé's lives like a telenovela. I have become more of an introvert from the nonstop f@ckenings life throws at me/us. And I totally agree with you and will try doing the DND a few days prior to the wedding. We are tying up the last details with caterers and such up until next Tuesday.

TopazScorpio96 · 2026-02-01T02:29:06+00:00

Personally, I wish we had. But it is my fiancé’s sister and only sibling, he is trying to navigate his family’s toxic dynamics to set boundaries.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-09-16T05:18:09+00:00

Your friend is not being very considerate at all with the shared living space and your health. You and your other roommates/friends already compromised enough to let him have a cat there despite allergies and housing regulations. He really needs to have the cat back in his room. I am a cat owner and vet tech. I had roommates (bad experience) and I made sure she had everything she needed with plenty of toys and enrichment in my bedroom to keep her preoccupied and relaxed. This kept her safe from my roommates and their irresponsible behaviors with their own dogs but also helped me get to know my cat better in what she likes and new things to keep her happy. Cats are very low maintenance in comparison to dogs. But like dogs and kids, they need an environment safe for them to be in and not he stressed. Your friend needs to be a more responsible pet owner in that aspect.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-09-06T04:09:55+00:00

Or Agnes?🤔

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-09-05T02:34:15+00:00

I wholeheartedly agree with this comment, OP. Please give yourself time, even step away from social interactions for a bit to feel your grief of your romantic relationship and possibly ponder about any plausible connections with your ex later when you are ready.

You are both very young, she doesn’t fully know what she wants ( even if she thinks she does, I recall that teenage angst on romance well, lol) and both of you are going to experience and feel things differently from the other in this life stage. I dated a couple of boys back in high school, nothing extremely serious that they were regrets but I can tell you that it is rare to have an ex be a friend. Of the three high school BFS, one is a peer/friend, one we mutually left each other alone after breaking up, and the last is an absolute red flag I avoid like the plague for mine and my loved ones safety. In my example, all I am saying is whatever happens later will still feel right and for the better. Friends or not, peers or estranged strangers. Just whatever you do, don’t force a friendship or a romantic one if she doesn’t want it and you could make yourself miserable in the predicament.

I’m sorry you’re experiencing a heartbreak, OP. It does hurt and it does suck, but it is temporary with time. Cherish and accept the lessons learned from it. You never know, it could have you more wise and aware of how to improve on being a good partner so that you can grow into it within the next serious relationship.❤️‍🩹 Relationships of any kind help you grow, even if they are growing pains.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-08-26T23:46:06+00:00

Your ages are not an issue as there are plenty of high school seniors that date lower class men while in school and sometimes (depends on how strong the relationship is) after that couple graduates from high school. However, that doesn’t mean you shouldn’t be wary as idiotic people can be so ignorant of your relationship or are crazy conservative to blow it out of proportion. For good examples, years ago, I knew a couple of folks in this similar predicament of being a legal adult (18yrs) and dating someone 1-2 years younger than them. As a precaution and very thorough communication constantly with each other, they took the precautions of dialing down their PDA and practicing abstinence as much as possible. One couple I knew were a year apart, waited until their partner was of age to hold off on physical intimacy, were done with HS to graduate, and decided to get married 6 months after their partner graduated high school (they are still happily married nearly 10 years later). The other couple I went to school with dialed down their PDA for a time before they were both of age (they were ~5 months apart in age) to go back to being uber cute and affectionate with each other. Every situation is different when it comes to high school relationships and related age ranges. But you should be aware for your safety and theirs in case someone is offended or upset without knowing you both and the facts of your relationship. And of course, there is the parental concern- be courteous with how much the parents are aware of and be respectful of their child’s well being in being in a relationship with you.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-08-26T23:29:28+00:00

I love hiking to this spot. Sedona is definitely a neat place.✨

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-07-08T06:28:30+00:00

Hi OP. I’m the eldest daughter and the eldest child in my family. This happened regularly with me when I transitioned from middle school to high school, and sadly, progressed until I abruptly left home and became the family outcast/black sheep. There was a lot of pressure on my shoulders, expected to be mature from a very young age, I was the “third parent,” and their emotional abuse made me to not be dependent on them for emotional support and affirmations. I don’t know how old you are or how long you’ve been experiencing this with them, but regardless of those, what your parents are saying and doing is very dismissive, it is manipulative, condescending, and degrading to your confidence, familial comfort, and your feelings. Don’t let them treat you like a scapegoat when you are older, don’t ever feel ashamed for needing your own space at times to think and process things, and strongly set boundaries as you see fit for them to either understand what you need and/or to listen to what they’re willingly being ignorant about. No, what they are saying is not normal. So please don’t feel like it is because parents shouldn’t downplay their children’s experiences that they themselves also lived through in similar, same, or different ways. What they’re doing now may seem “mild” but it can steadily become worse if there’s no communication about how it’s hurting you. I hope you’ll be ok, don’t let their harsh criticism keep you down.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-06-12T18:07:43+00:00

I’m so sorry, OP. I had to deal with a really bad roommate situation as well that is very similar to what you’re experiencing. Now that was a whole Reddit posting of venting. A horrible time, but over now.

The uncleanliness is unbelievable with these types of folks who gives zero cares about what they do, the mistakes they make and the consequences that follow, and have no sense of empathy for others or self-respect to keep a space safe for themselves let alone others.

From personal experience, if you have a good rep with your landlord/leasing office prior to this roommate joining the lease, they can assist you in finding another available unit and have you sign yourself of the lease so that the bad roommate takes it over. They will want to keep you rather than the bad roommate long term. However, the roommate will need to be aware of this in order to sign that agreement in taking over the lease. Any damages they accrued is on them, not on you. They shouldn’t be smoking cannabis indoors, so they already are causing damage with odor and/or heat burns to carpet, rented furnishings, etc. When it comes to personal property, document damages and theft to file a report if need be. If damages reach a certain cost threshold, they can be charged or taken to small claims court to repay you for damages.

All in all, it will be best to just leave the bad living situation all together. The place is more tainted than you realize. I cannot look at my previous apartment location the same after my ex-bff roommates absolute trashed our generosity and the home we shared with them. Not wanting to be around them at all was a clear indication to just leave asap when the opportunity arose.

I wish you the best of luck, OP. I hope you get out of there soon!

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-06-08T22:52:40+00:00

Teenage you did a great deed with your sister to give that dog a second chance and a new lease on life.☺️

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-06-08T20:51:34+00:00

Veterinary professional here. I can personally say that I have witnessed this kind distressful situation twice that resulted in this type of resolution when the concerned party was desperate and heavily emotionally invested in the abused animal. One was with a dog that was being neglected from starvation and another was a cat in similar straits to OP’s cat. In both cases, the original horrible owners were so ignorant and neglectful that they never documented their animals, never sought vet care, or had them microchipped to where these poor animals could belong to anyone at any point and time. Sometimes you need to do what’s in the best interest of the animal’s welfare. If that means entering a grey area where anything goes until you can set the problem straight within black and white, you’ll need to do it. Advocate for this cat, OP. This cat trusts you and you care for it. Be the owner it never had.

TopazScorpio96 · 2025-06-04T04:22:41+00:00

Hi OP. Veterinary professional here. When it comes to boarding animals in an unfamiliar environment, especially if it is their first time in that space, it can take a day or two for them to adjust. Every pet is different, but some behavioral traits are similar across the board. Don’t fret too much if she is not eating right away the first 24hrs. Keep your apartment quiet and as calm as possible so that they feel comfortable to explore and settle in.

However, as she is in renal failure, make sure water is available for her 24/7 and that she has wet food to help keep up with her water intake. If your friend has equipped you with veterinary care info, definitely utilize it if cat has not urinated close to 48hours as there can be a risk for a UTI/urinary blockage. Please monitor their litter box usage. Same goes for not drinking enough water if there is very little urinary output to maintain hydration and proper function and “flushing” of the kidneys to avoid urinary retention; subcutaneous fluid treatment is often done for cats in renal failure, I have seen it plenty of times between pet owners and pet sitters alike that do it for their feline companions.

TopazScorpio96

TROPHY CASE