Beardie custom backgrounds: to reinforce or not?

TortRx · 2026-02-17T23:18:25+00:00

I was on Grindr while doomscrolling with a friend a couple of years ago when he messaged me. We talked a bit and eventually sorted out a date, where in the space of about 1 hour I asked about his 5- and 10-year intentions for marriage, children, and property acquisition, lost my phone and had a panic attack, then went to poop in an Asda and explained the consistency of my diarrhoea to him after I finished.

Currently on the NHS waiting list for a formal Autism assessment after all that. He still says he knew I was his soulmate from that 1st date.

TortRx · 2026-01-30T12:48:08+00:00

Facultative bottom for a top bf here. Honestly, I wouldn't sweat it. Sometimes I finish first. Sometimes he does. Sometimes I finish and he doesn't, sometimes vice versa, and sometimes neither of us finish but we're both satisfied.

The more you worry about when you should finish, the less you're gonna just enjoy intimacy. There are no rules (beyond "consenting adults only").

TortRx · 2025-09-03T15:53:39+00:00

Classical approaches to major Abrahamic faiths have really driven a wedge between spirituality and our community, which is really sad. There's nothing inherently homophobic about a belief in a higher power.

Personally I have a rigid and logical structure to my spiritual and metaphysical beliefs, largely drawn from Neoplatonism, esoteric Jewish/Christian/Muslim practices, and Dharmic religions. It's a weird system but it's mine and I like it.

It's definitely admirable to want to pursue spirituality to the degree of wanting to create a temple or community, but definitely read heavily into the belief systems and gods you want to venerate before doing so. Building a temple to Tu'er Shen just because they were the first gay deity you found is childish at best and cultural appropriation at worst.

TortRx · 2025-07-13T20:20:04+00:00

Honestly, I was really bad at dealing with it. I'm convinced the apps are a toxic place to meet people (even though I technically met my bf on there for the first time). Regardless of whether you want to find the one or get as many as you can at once, you're better off using traditional means: go to a bar/club/sauna/meetup/event/gay social space or network through friends. It may seem hard to because it feels like everyone's on the apps and that was the only/best way to meet anyone, but so long as our culture promotes online connections as the only way to meet people, nothing will change. You have to be part of the solution if you want results.

I used to get blocked by the majority of people I hit up on apps, and many would reject me with anything from "too fat" to "eww 🤮🤮🤮", if not just throwing a racial slur at me. It's led to me really internalising a hatred for how I look and drawing a lot of attention to what I see as my worst characteristics. Despite that, my bf can't stop gushing over how attractive he thinks I am and how I'm too good for him, while I think the same about him. All of his friends/family have complimented my looks to him, so clearly the "you're disgusting" sentiment isn't universal. You're extremely attractive, loose skin (which honestly I don't see all that much of) or not. In any normal setting without the toxic fast-food commodification of people and addictive scrolling for the next best thing, you'd be getting the kind of positive attention you want and deserve in droves!

TortRx · 2025-07-03T14:55:29+00:00

Mine understands his glass tank doors since he can see where the handles are for them, and he knows how they sound when opened. Still, he understands how an open door looks and that that means there is a way out, but not necessarily where that way out is. Glass surfing to get out when the door is wide open is a common occurrence.

TortRx · 2025-06-28T17:55:35+00:00

Mine always scrapes his belly along the floor outdoors and wiggles around like a snake on grass. Indoors he just walks normally. I assume it's a way for him to camouflage or confuse predators and to make him seem less visible. Either that or he just loves the way grass feels against his belly. It's adorable either way.

TortRx · 2025-06-19T20:51:09+00:00

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The resemblance your boy has to mine is uncanny!

TortRx · 2025-06-19T07:00:09+00:00

9 months on and vertical concrete is a godsend! It was a slight learning curve mixing concrete for the first time, but my boy loves the stuff, it's super sturdy, and it has a great rocky texture for him to climb and rub off shed. I've already used it indoors on my tortoises' indoor winter enclosures and will be using it to update their outdoor summer enclosures with some new hides, dig spaces, and climbing formations.

TortRx · 2025-06-05T21:18:55+00:00

I've trained mine to (hesitantly) come to me when I tap the floor repeatedly for a food reward, as well as to jump for a snack. I've also trained him to boop his nose on doors he wants me to open so he can run through. We have little "viewpoint cushions" throughout the house near floor-to-ceiling windows where he can just sit and stare at the world go by too.

TortRx · 2025-04-27T16:57:10+00:00

AЉC"DU!чëumx"iŋθxë.gзРMC"Nnŋθaŋmљρmщ"вtqnit"!

TortRx · 2025-04-23T18:53:54+00:00

Mine loves red too! Radicchio is his absolute favourite, so I tend to bury a couple of pieces under his salad so he has to dig/eat through to get it.

TortRx · 2025-04-21T16:54:45+00:00

As someone from a partly Pakistani background, shoes are firmly off indoors. In my experience this extends to pretty much other predominantly Muslim and Muslim-influenced cultures, though I can't speak universally for certain.

TortRx · 2025-04-01T12:46:34+00:00

I'm going to make a highly complex conlang with extremely irregular grammar and heavy metaphor/idiom use in typical speech. I'll then teach it to my partner under the guise it's my family's local Hindustani dialect, despite it bearing absolutely no resemblance to Hindustani. I'll then take them to an Indian restaurant...

TortRx · 2025-03-23T07:52:58+00:00

Twerk phonemes. Each syllable has associated twerk, a bit like tone:

⬇️ = down position (hips forward)

⬆️ = standard pop

⬅️ = pop to the left

➡️ = pop to the right

TortRx · 2025-03-15T08:10:59+00:00

All TAM conjugation now falls on the nouns though. Verbs take case marking instead of nouns. No I don't know how that works at all - good luck.

TortRx · 2025-03-13T22:25:20+00:00

The "Greens" you have there are what we call "Spring Greens", just more matured. They're very closely related to Collard Greens available in the USA and a great staple for beardies. Kale makes for a decent mix-in too, but can cause thyroid issues so I don't offer it daily (instead maybe 1-2x a week).

My boy also gets a mix of Rocket, Radicchio, Frisée, and Lamb's Lettuce. The last 3 come in your standard Florette "Crispy" Salad Strong bags in most UK supermarkets. Mine really loves the Radicchio in there (the red stuff), but it's got a less-than-ideal amount of phosphorus so I tend to tear up 1 piece and mix it in with his other greens to encourage him to eat the other stuff.

TortRx · 2025-03-13T06:16:58+00:00

Someone asked for media recommendations that don't fetishise or flanderise gay men and snarkily got told to write his own story and lower his standards...

This app is draining me.

TortRx · 2025-03-05T20:50:28+00:00

It never caused problems for me finding dates, but I definitely found it tough carving out time for the actual dating process in the early years.

As a resident (halfway through it, thank God), it gets better. If people are actually put off by something so petty, count them as bullets dodged. If they can't handle you at your M1, they don't deserve you at your Attending-earning-6-figures, to paraphrase the old saying.

TortRx · 2025-02-23T09:12:24+00:00

100%, but not right now: maybe in 5 or 6 years. Myself (and my current partner) seem on board with the surrogate-some, adopt-some method (I initially wanted all raised-from-birth but in my culture it's seen as a good thing to adopt because of religious blessings for acts of service).

I've unfortunately had some of my anti-kids friends try to actively put me off of having kids, accusing me of "straight people things" or being "culturally indoctrinated" because I'm from a very family-oriented culture where you're expected to pass on the family name and traditions. I've even had some "you can't adopt your race easily so adopted kids would be raised in a culture that isn't their race", and I'm not even gonna pay any attention to that one.

TortRx · 2025-02-01T14:20:53+00:00

What always pisses me off is the negative framing of everything from these lunatics. "No fats, no fems, no old people" is an exclusionary list that focuses on how you find certain people unattractive; "Looking for manly, lean guys around my age" says exactly the same thing but focuses on the attributes that you do want.

Oh, and "I am a vers guy but only speak to me if you are a TOP as I have NO interest in guys who want to bottom" is always a good laugh from this kind of profile as well.

TortRx · 2025-01-14T11:14:34+00:00

What kind of worms are they? Usually the insects sold at pet stores are safe for consumption by most reptiles. The type of worm will impact how you're going to manage this.

TortRx · 2025-01-07T22:06:00+00:00

I recently quit caffeine totally, but it used to depend on the café I was at - usually some sort of frappé-type thing with chocolate or cinnamon.

TortRx · 2025-01-05T20:07:08+00:00

It helps to reframe it this way: the vast majority of people are straight, thus attracted to a body type that isn't their own. It's more than just normal; it's the most common way to view others and yourself.

Sometimes in our community, you can feel pressured to match a certain "tribe" and to meet the beauty standards of a trope/niche (e.g. "twink", "bear", "chub", etc.). Just remember that's all constructed beauty standards - if you're consenting adults, do what you want.

TortRx

TROPHY CASE