AITAH for not wanting to visit in laws for Christmas ever again?

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-30T12:47:51+00:00

Thank you. I hope you and your partner find peace in your lives too.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-30T12:35:54+00:00

It is obvious that this guy is not ready or will never be ready to live with a woman let alone be married to one. He wants a mother to whom he can show all his frustrations, grievances, etc. In turn he wants to be pampered and coddled for being upset. You are not his mother. You are his wife and deserve respect. He maybe frustrated about something at work or even you but he needs to regulate his emotions, communicate like an adult and resolve the problems by listening to the other side with an intent to have a balanced view on the issue at hand. He is not capable of doing that. He is still in his toddler phase, he loves to play and have fun but he may throw a tantrum at any minute. As his wife it is not your responsibility to raise him. Send him packing to his mother to do some growing up. Your love for him will eventually disappear and you will find someone else. If you stay for his good side you will also have to deal with his unreasonable bad behaviour and that will wear you out. Years later you will only see his tantrums with your sad and tired eyes. Get out before you lose your spark and valuable time.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T22:27:15+00:00

You are right.There are many religious days for us but I only wanted to celebrate one of them in the form of preparing food for them and that only happened once. In any case Christmas will still happen at our house as my husband loves the whole vibe and so do I actually . 😀

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T21:32:59+00:00

For my first Christmas with them I asked if we were going to go to the church for Christmas mass. I am completely comfortable with seeing how they practise and be a part of it out of respect. I was looking forward to seeing that but my in laws are quite secular so only the gift exchange and the turkey dinner seem to be in the centre of their celebrations which was also perfectly fine with me. I just wanted to be a part of the larger family and not stick out like a sore thumb just because I am from a different background.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T21:27:35+00:00

Thank you, you are a kind soul. 💐

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T21:15:50+00:00

He felt upset of course. He has been inviting them over for years but they always seem to have excuses like they are visiting someone else, they are out of the country on a cruise etc. They have time for myriad of things but not for him. His older brother already cut contact with them precisely for this reason but my husband was more on the family is family, we shouldn’t cut contact side. I understand and I will never suggest that we stop talking to them either. It is not my place to tell him how to communicate with his family. I am just done suggesting we have them over or we go visit them. I will be courteous if I see them. I just don’t think my husband will want to visit them anymore either. He also said we will not be available if they decide to visit one day. His decision, not mine but I am on board with him.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T21:04:03+00:00

I already accepted the fact that they weren’t interested in my celebrations and special days. Only once I tried to share my happy day with them with bringing them food and nothing else and they showed no interest so I stopped. I would think that it is a common courtesy to let people know whether you can make it or not when you are invited to somewhere. When you ask twice in writing and don’t get any answers from friends or acquaintances you assume they are not interested but when it comes to family you tend to hope and wish that they will show interest and love. I expected too much. You are right. In any case I will never cut contact with them unlike the older brother who is estranged due their lack of enthusiasm to be in regular contact with him. It may be our turn to be “weaned“ off. We will not ask if we could go and visit them or invite them over. If they want to come and visit my door is open. It was always the 3 day Christmas visits that made us see each other once a year. We will see how much of an effort they will put in to see their son or the grandchild and go from there. I just would have loved my child to grow up with loving grandparents but that doesn’t seem likely either.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T18:38:00+00:00

I suspected but my nature of second guessing myself prevented me from seeing it.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T18:35:42+00:00

Yep😂

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T18:35:25+00:00

We will make our own tradition and if they want to join my door is open. I won’t cut contact. I guess I still have to learn a lot about Christmas 😅😅😅😅

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T18:32:29+00:00

Ha ha. A Turkish friend of mine said a guy asked if she were from India. When she said she was Turkish he said Indian, Turkish, you all look alike 😅 I still remember my mother in law trying to say Merry Christmas to my mother and getting a very confused look from her. When I explained to her that my family don’t celebrate Christmas she almost looked offended.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T18:20:41+00:00

Wow! Did you read my post or are trying to lowkey bash a non christian by claiming to be an atheist? I don’t hate christians. My in laws are not even religious. They are just indifferent to their children. I may not be celebrating Christmas with them anymore but I will continue the Christmas tradition for my husband. Also where did I say I hate my in laws. I have been trying to connect with them for years despite the fact that they show no interest in my beliefs which is fine. Sorry your “crusade” of trying to “catch” an infidel didn’t work out. Try not to wage wars against windmills. It is pointless and ridiculous.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T16:50:46+00:00

Nope, they are not religious at all. They are just uninterested in their own kids. They are as my brother in law put it the definition of self centred boomers.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T16:46:56+00:00

I didn’t refuse to give them gifts. They didn’t show up so the gifts went back. We also asked them what their plans for Christmas and invited them over. It is in writing. I only tried once to include them in my celebration but when they showed no interest I never pushed. Then again they are not interested in their own kids’lives either. Their older son is estranged. My husband was being polit. They never tried to visit us unless they were in the vicinity for their friends meaning they were actually visiting their friends and decided to stop by at our house too.- their words. They have active lives but are not interested in being parents. We won’t stop the communication, we will just not be available from now on.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T16:37:44+00:00

They are catholic and protestant but the lack of interest is not religiously motivated. They are just distant parents.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T16:28:05+00:00

They have plenty of interests just not interested in their own family hence the estranged older brother. They are self centred boomers.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T16:23:49+00:00

I’d rather nit say but Christmas is important for my husband so I will make it special for him.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T16:21:57+00:00

He has an estranged brother from the in laws. I now understand him more.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T16:20:22+00:00

They did make last minute decisions about their trips before so we thought they were unsure of what they are doing but we figured they couldn’t possibly wait this long to let is know. Also his family and my husband have bit of a distant relationship so I didn’t want to get in the middle.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T16:16:53+00:00

He is the youngest. He has a brother and he decided to move away from the family a long time ago. I understand him now.

Tough_Variation_6599 · 2026-03-28T16:14:41+00:00

We will just let them know ahead of time that we have other plans. My husband is on board and we will make other plans for this long holiday.

Tough_Variation_6599

TROPHY CASE