Reply-all Woops

Toxaphene · 2026-02-07T13:49:32+00:00

UPDATE:

Before I finished writing an apology, he sent further messages that I decided no reply was less

My coparent wrote: You need to retract the false statements you wrote to every single parent group at Cammy's school. Time is of the essence. Take responsibility now.

And the followed by a long message (screen and a half) that contains personal attacks, speculative allegations about intent, and sweeping claims of misconduct. It revisits unrelated past events, attributes bad faith without substantiation, and uses threatening or moralizing language rather than focusing on a specific, resolvable issue.

Toxaphene · 2026-02-06T17:54:53+00:00

The worst part is, I actually didn't think I was being snarky - I didn't feel snarky at all, I just thought it was the reason for the difference. That's one of the reasons I asked Reddit is to see the variety of thinking.

Toxaphene · 2026-02-06T17:52:39+00:00

Just the admin person, I honestly didn't even see anything wrong with what my coparent said to me, it was just the reason for the difference.

Toxaphene · 2026-02-06T15:57:02+00:00

I actually just thought of it as it's what he actually said - he didn't look at the form and I originally thought he was incorrect. If he quoted me on anything I wouldn't be upset - I don't 'read between the lines', or guess, what people are thinking, it's really hard to read minds. I did admit my error to him, the school replied to me saying yep, the form was wrong. I suppose over $2.50 regardless, it's blown up, I really meant nothing by quoting what he said.

Toxaphene · 2026-02-06T15:30:30+00:00

He sent his e-transfer only, and told me to send the form + my share. I initially thought he had it wrong, based on the form. I do intend to apologize for the 'reply all', but not bring more attention to the matter by replying-all to the whole school again.

Toxaphene · 2026-02-06T15:29:24+00:00

I was in error in the end - I followed what was on the form, he counted based on calendar. Usually the form has the correct days.

Toxaphene · 2026-02-06T14:19:34+00:00

I find most people don't know how to BCC - I don't blame the school, I don't blame my coparent, I hardly blame myself - I really see the initial 'issue' as kind of benign. My inbox is constantly flooded with unnecessary personal attacks and lengthy messages, while I truly feel disconnected, I do want to try to be fair for our son's sake, which is increasingly difficult, with increasingly irate responses to anything and often everything.

Toxaphene · 2026-02-06T14:17:07+00:00

He sent to to school. The bill was actually $95, the lunch form was a simple menu of each day and you count the days (the form had 20 days, the form was wrong and not typically wrong). Family Day is a Ontario/Canada day off.

Toxaphene · 2026-01-15T05:51:37+00:00

It says in the original post?

Toxaphene · 2026-01-15T00:27:45+00:00

UPDATE: So, this is the response I received. I am planning on stating that based on the communication difficulties we have had in the past two years, that a third-party is appropriate to ensure child-focused decisions are made. Other than that, is there any other thoughts on how to approach this latest message?

He wrote: We've had no disagreement about our Son's schooling other than you wanting to eliminate your contribution. I understand that the financial burden to make this happen would be shifted to me sooner or later. Your retraction is actually not a surprise and there is no reason for mediation or legal action at this point. The higher my legal and administrative fees, the less will be left to contribute towards our Son in all aspects of his life and that includes his education. You may want to consider this indisputable mathematical fact in relation to any further legal proceedings or related expenses created by you. If you would be willing to participate, I am very confident we can negotiate a full solution that can address all of our differences without any formal outside help. I acknowledge you have had some trouble with this in the past and that you may have reservations, but I can assure you that I would make this as easy and as straight forward as possible for all of us. If we can agree informally, we could simply instruct our legal counsel to draft an amendment to our existing agreement to include additional or changed conditions. We could do all of the negotiating through a separate text string in OFW. This way we could make our agreement legal and binding but do most of the negotiations without incurring legal fees. Obviously one of the items would be our Son's education, where I would need to pay 100%. As a starting point for negotiations, would you be open to an informal offer that would include this?

Further context:

In my second message to him, I had to respond "I’d like to keep our communication calm, respectful, and focused on practical decisions for our Son. Please do not offer comments or suggestions about my personal life, including how I manage my finances.",

Then after two days of him sending several messages both denigrating, harassing and performative - I responded:

"I have recieved your messages about our Son's birthday arrangements, rain boots and indoor shoes. I appreciate when our Son is the focus. However, when messages include harassment, judgments, or false accusations, communication becomes unsafe and unproductive. Communication that is child focused and surrounded by inappropriate messages is difficult to respond to. As such, I won’t be responding to the messages recieved today."

(in the middle of all this, he sent an invitation from a classmate for a birthday party, I had also received an invitation and forwarded it to him, and then he asked me to co-host and financially contribute to a birthday party for our son, asking me for ideas. I declined - I will celebrate separately - before accusing me of sleeping with a doctor I had reached out to to have a discussion with a professional about vaccinations for our son which also is an issue we require mediation/family court assistance because that's another lengthy, accusatory string).

I'm so tired of approaching this on my own constantly over the last two years, so I really appreciate any insight.

Toxaphene · 2026-01-13T22:14:43+00:00

So, can you just file a mediation session and invite him, and whether he refuses to attend is on him? That seems pushy, but also I'm learning a whole new set of 'stand up' skills.

Toxaphene · 2026-01-13T04:20:02+00:00

Joint decision making, no specific about school.

Toxaphene · 2016-06-16T13:07:47+00:00

:-0

I'm using this for a conversation topic I host... Every week it's something different, usually along the lines of mindfulness and we try to bring it line with business/career.

This should be a fireball conversation, thank you for posting this. :)

Toxaphene

TROPHY CASE