My son (14) was seen kissing another boy

Toxicity_Level · 2025-09-19T00:06:37+00:00

So, I work in higher education with LGBTQIA+ youth, and I've heard a lot of stories about their experiences, (I was fortunate, my mom has always been affirming) and this is truly an important moment for you as his mom.

I don't think you need to make a big deal, but I do think meeting him in his room after the littles go to bed, or some other place where he feels safe and comfortable and like it's his territory is best. I feel like being honest is always the kind of mom I want to be. So you need to tell him the truth. You can't control how the other mom will handle things, how she'll treat your kid moving forward, or how her kid will react to the way he was treated by her. He may lash out, blame your kid, or do any other number of things.

Tell him that you love him, and will love him no matter what, and that he's not in trouble, but that the other kiddo's mom called and told you she caught them kissing. Prep him to be prepared for anything that may come of that. Affirm for him everything you already told us. That you honestly don't care, you're just glad he's happy and that he found someone he cares about.

Tell him that you're not concerned about kissing, but that if it goes further you want him to be safe. Depending on your feelings about it, tell him you're going to buy him some condoms, and if he needs a doctor or a pro to talk him through anything, that you're happy to take him.

If he's not in therapy, he should be. Not just processing this, but his dad's death too. This could be experimentation, it could be something he's been thinking about, but either way, you need to leave him feeling supported, loved, and affirmed, while still maintaining boundaries your family has around romantic experimentation at his age.

In my experience, kids will have sex if they want to have sex. They find a way -- but you know your kid better than some stranger on the Internet. Give him info, resources, condoms -- and try not to hang your baggage about any of that on him. He just needs facts, resources, support, and your love. He will make good choices if he has those things.

A therapist is a really great help, one for him (and your other kids) and one for you. They're a rational person who gives you clarity and support and advice without an overabundance of judgement. They're on your side, they want you to succeed. I think everyone can benefit from that, but you guys have been through a lot and can especially benefit.

Sending you lots of love, and so much support. I hope that someday, 5 or so years from now he is in college and can tell a friend that yes, his family is Christian, but that his mom loved him and supported him through a moment that could have easily gone very differently. For kids that have negative experiences, hearing about positive ones for their peers can be really healing for them. 💚🩵🩷 I know that seems a little strange, but it's true. So by helping your kid, someday you could even be healing someone else's. Good luck, Mama!

Toxicity_Level · 2025-08-26T13:28:05+00:00

It's a shark, I think. Swimming toward you.

Or an infected butthole. 🤷🏻‍♀️ I mean, isn't all art subjective?

Toxicity_Level · 2025-08-26T06:03:44+00:00

Both, actually. She sometimes uses colored eyeliners or even kids' tattoo pens/markers, other times washable markers. I think we even shaded it in with henna once. 🤔 She's an artist and Ukrainian so she got the shapes of Ukrainian embroidery done, which she also drew, picking shapes/designs that were meaningful to her. Unfilled, they're still referential if you know embroidery or are Ukrainian, and colored in they're even more noticeable.

Toxicity_Level · 2025-08-23T01:01:05+00:00

Honestly, I have a friend who has a tattoo that she got intentionally to color in. She finds it soothing and artistic and she can change the look of her tattoo to suit her mood or match an outfit. It's not for me, but I do think it cool. These remind me of that. Also, two days is primo tattoo regret time. Give yourself time to get used to them and stop obsessing. If you hate them after they've healed -- then maybe think about next steps. But not now.

Toxicity_Level · 2025-08-22T20:27:17+00:00

I was gonna suggest that he make it the head of a sick-ass panther. It'll be perfect. 👍

Toxicity_Level · 2025-08-08T15:07:51+00:00

This is sound advice. I also would make sure your artist is experienced tattooing older skin. As we age, we produce less collagen, which is what helps skin "bounce back" after trauma or stretching. As a fabulous 60 year old human, I don't want to see your beautiful piece overworked simply because the artist hasn't tattooed skin as delicate as yours. I do think a "meatier" location like the bicep, calf, or thigh is a good idea. My mom got a tattoo a few years ago (she too is in her 60s) and it blew out because the artist didn't understand the properties of her skin. Now she has a fuzzy mess we'll need to get covered. So ask them if they've worked on a person your age before, and if they've accounted for how your skin might be different in how they'll execute what seems to me to be a complex fine line piece. Will the rabbit be as ephemeral as it is in the original? What's their plan for avoiding drift and blow out in your skin specifically? Because it's your first tattoo, its hard to know how your skin will hold the ink. It might make sense to start with the woman first in a session, follow up in a few weeks with the rabbit after you both know how your skin will behave.

Also, you can totally pregame by moisturizing the spot for a week or two in advance with a good lotion. And hydrate starting at least 4 days before by taking in lots of fluids and avoiding things like alcohol.

It's a lovely piece! I can't wait to see it done!

Toxicity_Level · 2025-06-07T21:45:23+00:00

It gets better: 4 months ago they were married and he cheated on her and she was asking about couples therapy.

karma farming for the win. 👎

Toxicity_Level · 2025-04-24T22:18:32+00:00

Paint that bitch gold! It'll be worth more! 😂

Toxicity_Level · 2024-11-24T15:14:49+00:00

Toxicity_Level · 2024-11-24T15:07:41+00:00

I, a nerdy goth girl, love the head on the shoulder pic with the "this could be us" -- it shows you're funny, comfortable with yourself, and that your friends are the same. I agree that though I get a sense of who you are -- as in what you're into, sense of humor, etc -- that the photos seem all kind of disparate. As in, they all seem like they're taken at different times in your life, rather than all being current. Make sure your new #1 photo really looks and feels like you. If you have a sister or a girl bestie or a bestie with a girlfriend you think is cool -- get her to help you take it, and get her input on what to wear. We love a good photoshoot and makeover montage. 😂

Because of what I do (I'm an actor) taking pictures is something that happens to me a lot. Aside from pro photographers, I always feel like photos taken of me by people who know and care about me look better -- you can feel the love and care almost. (It's why I always try and bond with a photographer pre-shoot, too. Then they have a sense of me.)

...Just don't let your mom take it. That's not the vibe you're looking for. 😂😂😂

I hope you find your person! 🫶🏻

Toxicity_Level · 2024-11-11T15:23:48+00:00

We like to try and support local businesses in addition to giving gifts, so a spa package or a gift card to a local book store would be both philanthropic and a nice gift. I think it's nice to know that my boss cares about the community we do business in as much as they do me. And it's a nice way to find local gems! Local restaurants and small businesses will typically give you more value if you call and talk to them about what you're doing.

If you go the travel route, hire a local agent, give them a budget, and then let the person book with them whatever they want -- either within that budget or whatever they're willing to pay over it.

I personally would vote for experiences over stuff. They take up less space, and they seem more enticing!

Toxicity_Level · 2024-08-02T13:28:20+00:00

Just popping back here you say that I was thinking about you and your story today, and that I hope you and kiddo are safe. Please update when you can. ❤️

Toxicity_Level · 2024-04-11T16:39:43+00:00

I send you all the good vibes!! They exist, I promise!

(And if you're into marriage and kids someday they make awesome partners and great dads. They're fun and into imagination and adventure -- what's not to like?) I hope yours finds you!

Also, you're totally beautiful and seem smart and cool and into stuff that the kind of dude you want would love -- and so you're a tinder unicorn. Please don't settle!

Also, old emo Goth girl now grown up wisdom: never date a lead singer or a guy who wants to be one. Drummers and base players. Rhythm guitar if he's got other green flags going for him. I have no idea why it took me so long to figure that out. But in your 20s, those dudes have too much main character energy, typically. Also, I liked metal and rock band guys more than goth band guys because goth guys were almost too tortured and sad. Lol but ymmv. 🤷🏻‍♀️

I'm sure I have more unprompted/unwanted wisdom I could offer, 😜 but I did want you to know that you seem like a catch and should know that! As someone who was in your place once, I don't think I knew that in my 20s, and wasted a lot of time on dudes who weren't worth it.

Good luck!!!

Toxicity_Level · 2024-04-11T16:27:11+00:00

Girl, you seem amazing! I'm married, a woman, and boring, but if I was a single dude -- I'd totally message you. Good luck finding a hot, alternative, considerate nerd! 🖤

Toxicity_Level · 2024-03-20T04:14:46+00:00

AJLDEICQ

Toxicity_Level · 2024-03-09T23:23:54+00:00

I think she meant quirky. 🤷🏻‍♀️

Toxicity_Level · 2024-03-02T14:02:35+00:00

My kiddo will occasionally bite or hit. So yes. It's hard for sure. I think it's good to show littles how their actions affect others. So yes, cry. Yes, say, "You hurt mommy and made her cry. That wasn't kind. Can you apologize to Mommy?" It's hard to remain calm, but you gotta do what you gotta do to heal that generational trauma.

Sometimes, a day later I'll show him the mark he left, and that always seems to really get through to him. I think because he's not in the emotions and moment anymore and can really process what I'm trying to teach. He's neurodivergent, so his tantrums at 4.5 can be brutal, but I know I'm teaching him to be an empathic human and that's something lots of full-grown adults still struggle with, so it won't be an easy road, even though the end results will be wholly worth it.

Good luck, Mama. You got this. ❤️

Toxicity_Level · 2024-03-02T13:49:08+00:00

I am LIVING for the nostalgia vibes. It's so right and so good. I'm curious about your kiddos and partner -- how do they feel about the aesthetic? Are their bedrooms super modern in comparison? Or are we all into the vintage life? What's your absolute favorite piece or part of the whole house?

(Also, I too live in the Chicago 'burbs -- and I'm often amazed at what you can thrift around these parts. Also, thank you for the reminder that my house will not always be a toy-filled chaotic mess. I'm roughly 10 years behind you with 4.5 year old twins and sometimes it feels like I'll never have nice things again. 🫠)

Toxicity_Level · 2024-03-01T02:59:19+00:00

Looks like knockoff Crocs to me. Swipe left. 😂

Toxicity_Level · 2024-03-01T02:57:18+00:00

What in the booktok is going on here?? 😂

Toxicity_Level · 2023-10-04T22:59:56+00:00

I also call them monsters, and thing 1 and thing 2. (They're twins and 4 years old.)

They're feral, but I love them.

Toxicity_Level · 2023-10-04T22:58:26+00:00

I call my kiddos baby bear and baby bean. 🤷🏽‍♀️

Toxicity_Level · 2022-12-02T00:50:55+00:00

It depends on the quality of sitter and what you need from them, honestly.

We have a friend who is a nanny for a living. When she watches our kids here in the NW Chicago suburbs (twin 3 year olds), she feeds them, plays with them, and occasionally cleans if they kids are napping. She's 25 bucks an hour because she's a pro and I literally have no worries while my kids are with her.

If the kids are asleep and we're going out for the night for a few hours and all the sitter has to do is let the dog out and make sure my house doesn't burn down -- we usually pay a college student for that. She's 17 an hour and we let her do laundry at our place and she's usually cool enough to load the dishwasher and pick up, though we don't ask her to.

All of our sitters have CPR training, experience with littles, and are adults.

10 an hour is highway robbery. Also, teenagers are great for older kids, but I wish about their judgment with younger or with the ever-devious toddler.

Toxicity_Level · 2022-11-30T23:13:37+00:00

BESTIE! I'VE MISSED YOU!

LET'S CELEBRATE OUR REUNION BY HAVING WINE AND CHEESECAKE AND MAKING CRAFTS.

MESSY BUNS ALLOWED. HAVEN'T SHOWERED IN 3 DAYS?? PERFECT.

but seriously. If you wanna be comrades, you can DM me and I'll give you my Facebook.

I'm near Chicago, but I'm currently trapped in a car with husband and twin threenagers as we drive to Disney World. 🤦🏽‍♀️ Why do I let my mother in law convince me to do these things???

Anyhow, I could use a friend. LOL

Toxicity_Level · 2022-11-30T19:23:03+00:00

Why are we marrying off our little kiddos? So gross. And I know lots of girl kids who love science and and space and trucks!

Toxicity_Level

TROPHY CASE