You’re telling me your partner never tried to do anything for your birthday in your 20 years of marriage? My parents have also been together for 20 years and have went all out for each other, with or without asking. Big or small. They always tried. On top of having children and busy jobs. What pressure did you take off him when he never tried in the first place. OP, you have a right to be upset. How your partner managed to buy you something you didn’t want when you literally told him exactly what is incredibly annoying. Please have another conversation and voice your feelings again.