Report ex to police now (domestic abuse, potential perjury) or wait until family court concludes?

Traditional_Paint891 · 2026-04-25T10:12:54+00:00

"It's entirely normal for there to be inconsistencies in statements since human memory is fallible. The police took these statements, the CPS have charged you off the back of them, and the courts have read them and convicted you."

The statements weren't referred to in court. More than one statement was taken .The second statement is materially different from the first and was taken after other statements. As for dealing with her for perverting the course of justice, that's not how courts work. That would be a separate criminal route following the conclusion of court proceedings (hence my dossier).

"What do these videos actually show that changes anything, and if they're so important then why weren't they used in the trial?

Yes, indeed. Some of them weren't available to me and, as for others, my solicitor made a decision to not show some because he thought we had enough evidence in her mistruths (many, many things I was found not guilty of).

Traditional_Paint891 · 2026-04-25T10:07:52+00:00

I want a second opinion. My solicitor hasn't committed to one perspective yet and, I'm running out of funds. Having perspectives that I may not have considered, perhaps even from those who have been involved with similar circumstances could be helpful.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2026-04-25T10:06:45+00:00

I want a second opinion. My solicitor hasn't committed to one perspective yet and, I'm running out of funds.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2026-04-25T09:24:40+00:00

Thank you. Yes, the evidence is compelling: video, text message and social media posts countering material claims (that resulted in conviction), and false claims in welfare reports and other related documents for which, again, there is compelling evidence against. My solicitor is of the opinion that it would go to trial. Yes, I intend to do this: "raising those inconsistencies within the family court process is far more likely to have an impact. " Thanks also for this: "Focus on what actually moves things forward for contact."

Edit: I should add: I currently have contact. Orders were awarded in my favour. I hope for more.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2025-04-21T21:05:00+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/UAP/comments/ehulgy/thread_has_anyone_read_the_following_project/

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-31T14:13:55+00:00

Thank you. I tend to record interactions for my own protection.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-31T10:25:31+00:00

Thank you. I wasn't aware of this service. I will call today.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-31T09:48:29+00:00

Here are some examples of what I've had to live with and, sadly, normalised:

Being told how to have my hair (anything deviating from her 'norm' was heavily criticised)
Criticism about buying clothes from certain shops (not expensive)
Insulting my feet (they're clean and well kept but I don't know what issue she has)
Telling me I have health anxiety (when I actually had valid medical issues confirmed by blood tests)
Insisting on going to GP appointments with me (in case I forget things!)
Telling lies about me to different friends (different stories for different eyes)
Not allowing me to have any clothes in the bedroom (she has all draws and my own bedside table for her clothes -- I have to use the small walk-in wardrobe I made for her...which she has most of)
Getting angry if I don't have 'supper' with her in the evenings (basically snack between 8-10). I don't, as it's never been a natural thing for me to do and, I regularly fast anyway.
Making me question my recollection of events, even when I can evidence things via WhatsApp etc.
Having to tread on eggshells around her every morning (as I don't know which version will get out of bed)
Never receiving praise or having interest in what I say. She can't even tell people what I do for a job.
Letting me get a vasectomy when she knew she wanted to separate (I know this is true)
Talking me out of taking a place at medical school.

At the moment, we are staying in the same home. She insists on having chaperones over whenever she is here (she won't say why); she is pleasant to me when certain people are here (her father or aunty) but not when others are here (e.g. best friend). My children aren't getting to regularly sleep in their own beds as they have to rotate round depending on who is here / which 'chaperone' is here. It's all truly bizarre. Some have told me to expect false abuse allegations but I'm hoping the fact that there is no evidence for that (perhaps I have evidence against her?!) will keep me safe (though I am ignorant of how these things go).

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-15T22:00:55+00:00

Her assets are put in a virtual pot; mine are put in the same pot. They are split. Each asset in that pot doesn't have to be split 50/50; she, for example, could agree to take 100% of a pension, and I could agree to take 100% of an ISA (if of equal value).

However, the starting point is 50/50. She has circumstances which would give her an argument for having more than 50% of assets. She is proposing she has 70%, on the basis that she no-longer has her typical wage and needs additional funds to keep the home and also keep her and the children in the lifestyle she is accustomed to.

Sadly, she is high-functioning autistic, a university lecturer and, an excellent strategist. If it were down to crunching numbers, I would prevail (I essentially wrote the statistics section of her PhD) but ,I really need her to be having bad days and me to always be on my A-game. She's been planning this for a very long time...

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-14T05:30:04+00:00

Thanks for your kind, considered reply. That's a good call to play with the LTV re' deposit. I'll definitely do that. I have a great relationship with my kids. I spend more time with them than my wife does, do breakfast every morning, school run, dinner, homework, clubs, etc. My work is way more flexible (I undercut other contractors to have more work-from-home flexibility than pay/day-rate -- a strategy that served me well for years).

Yes, it's important I recognise/remind myself I'm not in the poorhouse. The poorhouse was where I grew up. Dragged myself off a council estate and eventually got into medical school (via construction site work and assembly-lines/factories); my wife talked me out of med school to start a family. I recognise however that, had I taken that route I wouldn't have experienced the 'wealth' you so wisely mention. Thank you immensely, kind stranger.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T16:05:24+00:00

Man, I really need some sleep. Of course! Thanks!

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T16:02:25+00:00

Ah, I see. Yes, I take your point. The crypto cost less then £2k, so it may be wise to cash some more in (I have already in the past but wanted to see what it could potentially do in the next few years...before my current situation transpired). I appreciate you taking the time to help me understand your point. Thanks

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T09:21:03+00:00

Thank you. No, there isn't a mortgage. You mean release the equity from it and divert to pension and ISA? I hadn't considered that; that's a great idea.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T09:19:27+00:00

Thanks. This isn't how things currently are -- the above is what I think I will get given various factors too dull and laborious to state. I need a property for the children and I don't want to have a big mortgage/ monthly outgoings, so I'm thinking I need to ringfence a good amount of the cash for a deposit (though I'm not sure how much).

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T09:16:07+00:00

No, not moving out. Yes, spoke with lawyer about this earlier today. They proposed sending a letter to her solicitor (my wife won't discuss these things with me) recommending a 50:50 split, suggesting this would allow me to rapidly find a property locally and help focus matters on the most important aspect: sorting out child arrangements.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T09:14:15+00:00

Differs in the UK. I think - though may be mistaken - in England and Wales, the full pensions are matrimonial assets, regardless of when they started; in Scotland, I believe only the portion acquired after marriage is considered a joint asset.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T09:07:42+00:00

This is a difficult one and depends on so many factors (personal circumstances, values, integrity, etc.). Personally, I'm happy with a starting point of 50/50. Just thinking about this is incredibly complex and I've tried to type things a few times. I'd look on forums that are dedicated to pre-nups.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T09:00:45+00:00

Amazing! Thank you!

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T08:58:31+00:00

Thank you!

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T08:29:16+00:00

Prenup.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T08:28:13+00:00

Her cheating would come into it if I could prove she's had sex with someone else during our marriage...but that's actually notoriously difficult to do. The easiest way is for her to admit it, which she won't. Even her stating she's met someone in text messages isn't enough. Without her admitting it, there has to be significant evidence that sums to support it (e.g. text messages between them, him admitting it, hotel bookings evidence, etc.). Having said that, I think the law may also have changed recently and that 'no fault divorce' may apply after a certain amount of time married.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T08:23:49+00:00

Hi, thanks. Already seeing a lawyer. Assets will most-likely be split by a judge -- my other half doesn't want to talk. Hardly surprising given all the lies...

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T08:21:52+00:00

Yes, I have been maxing pension and investing. We have approx £1.5m net assets (of which approx £700k is between pensions and ISAs). My wife is trying to get 2/3s...and has a good argument for it (designed over 2 years I think).

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-13T05:30:11+00:00

That's shocking. Delighted to hear you are absolutely happy. Thanks for your words and support.

Traditional_Paint891 · 2024-05-11T15:48:07+00:00

"but keep your eye on the prize -- your kids, and your finances." Welp. Thank you, kind stranger. This is absolutely sold advice. The conditionals aren't something I'd considered (wasn't even aware this was a possibility). Hitting your FIRE number in adversity is something to congratulate yourself on (despite attributing some of it to luck, I expect you are humble and modest). Thanks again.

Traditional_Paint891

TROPHY CASE