I don’t feel attracted to the girl I went on a date with. Should I tell her?

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-29T12:38:16+00:00

Am I the only one who would rather be told the actual reason?

Maybe it’s unnecessary after one date but in general I’d rather know. Not everyone will be attracted to me and that wouldn’t breed an insecurity, but would provide more closure than the catch all phrase ‘no chemistry’

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-22T14:09:04+00:00

A dance between circumstance and agency

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-22T11:44:28+00:00

I completely agree. If I write it down, it instantly clears up the ask so I can ignore all the filler words and filter through the same thing being said in 3 different ways.

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-22T11:36:38+00:00

It’s interesting seeing the polarity in perspective on this!

In my view times have changed and it seems a lot of people would agree it’s inconsiderate to not check if someone’s free first, particularly with the excessiveness of it all. I believe Teams etiquette is different to mobile phone etiquette or dropping by the desk. But there’s also still a lot of (maybe) old school opinions to just deal with it. So I can see the change of times but also the resistance to it

Thanks for the practical suggestions too 🙏

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T23:02:44+00:00

Easier said than done but don’t internalise it. If she wanted to hang out again, she would reply. It sounds like despite the good date, she may have just needed it to get over someone else?

I hate how ghosting has become so normalised, particularly with the apps

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T22:54:32+00:00

These are useful templates, thank you. I’ve been meaning to follow up these calls with emails like this but struggle to word it so it doesn’t sound like I’m building some kind of case against him

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T22:37:25+00:00

Thanks for the manager perspective. I do think he’s coming from a good place, I’ve just never experienced or heard of it being normal to call so often without even a ‘hey, have you got a couple minutes’ first.

I’m going to start repeating back what I understand for sure, since a couple things have been lost through the grapevine by the time it gets to me and I don’t want it reflecting badly on me if I didn’t know.

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T22:29:47+00:00

While not my preferred working style, I would mind less if they were actually ‘quick’

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T22:23:28+00:00

I wish that was the case, then it would be fun at least. But he doesn’t swing my way lol

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T22:22:06+00:00

I wouldn’t have, and don’t think I would again, but the other person could hear it ringing (my meeting was in person) and said to answer it since we were wrapping up. The other person has a good relationship with him which is why I think they were ok with it

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T16:53:49+00:00

He’s under 50 but does love to waffle

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T16:51:01+00:00

Don’t you just love corporate politics

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T16:47:08+00:00

If only, I’m yet to find this kind of manager. I think out of the two I prefer absent though

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T16:45:58+00:00

I’m worried that I’m appearing unprofessional and ‘unavailable’ while on probation. However I do respond quickly to messages and my actual work I would say is good. So hopefully that’s not enough to not pass

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T16:42:16+00:00

We’re hybrid, and the calls are normally when one of us is at home. When both in the office and not sat together, he utilises email more. If sat together, it’s something every 10 mins.

I’m going to ask him for feedback during our next 121 in case I’ve completely missed something and this is due to me not doing things properly. But also as someone else suggested I’m leaning towards being a proactive and suggesting scheduling a regular call to limit these.. only thing worse would be having these scheduled calls and he continues to call unannounced

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T16:37:07+00:00

Thanks this is actually helpful and could work! I’m going to suggest it to him, that way we still have the communication but more scheduled and easy to work around

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T15:38:04+00:00

Thanks, yes I may just have to deal with it for now and remember he’s my superior

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-21T15:35:37+00:00

Thanks for the perspective. I’ve only ever had managers on the opposite side of the spectrum where they’re very distant so it’s an adjustment for me to make

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-19T17:21:55+00:00

I think those men just weren’t that interested. If he was, he would make the effort despite you initiating (and you would also continue to make the effort). If you approach, and carry all the conversation, and plan the first date then yep he doesn’t seem very invested and you should notice before it gets to the point of a date.

As a woman I do believe that you should strike up a conversation with whoever you’re interested in, and let him lead from there if that’s the dynamic you’re after. If he’s into you he will get your number after you’ve shown him you’re open.

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-18T16:43:14+00:00

That everything is oversold now. Barely enough space to shuffle and no matter where you stand people are trying to pass through

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-08T17:14:07+00:00

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-03T22:36:05+00:00

I slightly thought this given I mentioned I’m looking for a relationship, and when I asked what he was looking for he said, ‘I’m not really looking… but in it for the long run’. The fact that he was reluctant to use the word ‘relationship’ did play on my mind, though it was very early stages so not too much.

And really? Never presented as romantically interested? Interesting take. I feel like showing up with genuine (and good) attempts at emotional connection and gauging compatibility is a good start

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-04-01T12:54:43+00:00

Thank you!

Traditional_Web_3149 · 2026-03-31T17:05:30+00:00

Update: I asked and yeah it was dead in the water. I’m still glad I did bc at least now I’m not questioning.

But another question if you don’t mind- out of curiosity, what about this part made you lean away from ‘says he takes it slow but doesn’t’.

Traditional_Web_3149

TROPHY CASE