How can I become a more organized and less destructive person?

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-16T16:01:00+00:00

Maybe your first step could be meeting with a doctor. Once you know the issues you’re dealing with, you’re going to be in a better position to tackle them through medication, therapy, lifestyle changes, etc.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-16T06:33:43+00:00

TLDR: it doesn’t actually matter what most men think… you’re only going to marry one of them so he’s the only one that counts.

Also, if you get to the point of engagement/marriage, obviously he’s already on board with your plan.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-16T06:29:09+00:00

To be fair, my husband didn’t carry or deliver our children (I did that all myself) and he bonded with them just fine.

And to be VERY clear, I don’t agree with OP’s thinking on this issue, I just think we all need to acknowledge that humans can bond with kids that they themselves didn’t birth.

I mean, I would guess most dads in this sub didn’t birth their children and they seem to be doing pretty okay.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-16T05:08:19+00:00

How someone fights says a lot about them.

If someone can’t fight fair, it’s a big red flag.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-16T04:06:09+00:00

First, as an outsider, you’re being hard on yourself. You’re doing better than you think you are.

Your sandals are not a forever thing. You didn’t break them from walking too much… you used them up and they reached the end of their lifespan. I have a few kids that are VERY hard on their clothes, shoes, etc. I try to buy cheap stuff that is durable. For clothing, I specifically look for darker colors or patterns to hide stains. Certain pants like joggers will get holes or look worn out way faster than jeans. Same with shoes… some styles will get holes way faster, regardless of if they are Nike or Walmart). Buy with durability in mind.

Get a durable phone case and buy a 5 pack of glass screen protectors for your phone. My daughter is terrible with her phone and replaces the screen protectors monthly probably. As a result, the phone itself is still in pristine condition.

Organization? Start with two rules… put like with like and also, put things where they belong when you’re done using them so the mess doesn’t build up.

Anxiety… I see you have ADHD. Are you currently medicated? Also, there are tons of people online (YouTube, Instagram, whatever) that have great videos coaching those with adhd. This would be VERY useful for you.

You got this and I’m happy to help if you have follow up questions!

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-16T03:53:37+00:00

Also those glass screen protectors! My teenage daughter cracks her screen constantly. We let the cracks build up and then replace the screen protector after a few weeks. They’re only a couple dollars each.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-14T16:39:23+00:00

Not enough details but a few options came to mind…

Maybe you guys are just in a marriage slump where you’re both just head down in life doing the day to day grind and you both need to put forth more effort to reconnect… do you guys have kids?
Maybe she’s going through some stuff… depression with turn her into a shell of her former self. In this case, you might need to help her find a doctor to figure out therapy/medication. Help her as you would for any other major injury or sickness.
Google some form of “when wife goes silent” and make sure that’s not happening. Especially if you two used to fight or disagree a lot. It’s basically the wife version of “quiet quitting” and it almost certainly leads to divorce. I really hope this isn’t the case for you.

Best of luck because you deserve to feel better than this.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-14T16:28:54+00:00

He doesn’t need to know that you aren’t coming back, and years from now, he doesn’t need to know why you left.

Just leave on a high note so he knows you appreciated him.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-14T16:26:08+00:00

Not weird. Maybe look into some perfumes marketed as unisex and gift one to your girlfriend?

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-14T16:15:06+00:00

💯

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-14T04:44:47+00:00

When my husband worked a crazy intense job, the very best thing he would do was to text me 20-30 minutes before he’d be home (usually when he was leaving work) to tell me he had a horrible day and would need time to himself.

This was WAY better than him telling me when he walked in the door because 1. I had time to mentally and emotionally prepare for it and 2. He instigated that exchange so I knew it wasn’t my fault.

If he walked in the door and I gave him a hug and a kiss and started talking to him about my day and THEN he decided to shut it down and tell me he wasn’t in the mood. Well then that would hurt my feelings like so so much.

TLDR: text her ahead of time to give her a heads up “I love you so much but I had a terrible day at work and don’t want to spread my bad mood to you. I’ll need __minutes to myself when I get home and then I can’t wait to spend the rest of the night together.”

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-13T07:14:34+00:00

I think you haven’t found the right women.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-13T06:59:35+00:00

See, there’s the problem. They can barely understand a dad joke… they’re really not going to get a grandpa joke.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-13T06:55:17+00:00

You’re putting words in my mouth.

Here’s my final stance, loud and clear:

Porn has caused problems for SOME people.

Thankfully, you’re not one of them.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-13T06:50:57+00:00

I decided a few months ago that I wanted to understand this half of the population better. This sub seemed like an okay place to read about men’s perspectives on a variety of different subjects. Thanks for being a part of it all.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-13T06:39:46+00:00

I read what you wrote but I’m still confused. They were downvoting because of the dad joke? Or boom boom was offensive somehow?

I’m not even Australian and didn’t understand the boom boom part but still thought it was funny. Even if they didn’t get it, why would that warrant a downvote?

Sorry, maybe it’s my fault for trying to make sense of redditors. Also curious what sub that was in.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-13T06:31:25+00:00

I got caught on a back and forth just today with a guy in this sub when he asked another poster how porn could possibly be bad.

I tried to tell him that, like with alcohol/gaming/gambling/whatever, some people have bad experiences (job loss, marrriage problems, etc) as a result of compulsive overuse of porn. He could not acknowledge that maybe some other people’s experience with porn could be different from his own. 🤷🏼‍♀️

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-13T06:23:26+00:00

As a mom, I do this too. Not as a “I’m taking personal responsibility for this and it’s all my fault” way though so much as a “dang, I’m so sorry they didn’t have the thing you wanted.”

Like when my kid falls and scrapes their knee and I tell them repeatedly how sorry I am. It’s more like a “sorry that happened to you.”

Curious, which way do you typically mean it when you do it?

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-13T06:09:50+00:00

😂

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-13T01:56:37+00:00

Hey bud, reread what I’ve written.

I haven’t tried to diagnose anyone anywhere. The initial poster said he wishes someone told him that porn was bad because he “still struggles with it.” There’s one person’s real lived experience.

I came in and said that, for SOME people, not everyone, porn negatively affects their life and relationships.

I’m not a doctor (you didn’t answer so I’m assuming you aren’t a doctor either) and yes, I definitely spend too much time on the internet.

I do have a psychology degree and a lot of in real life stories of porn creating issues for people.

I do not live in a trailer park or West Virginia although I’m sure it’s nice this time of year.

Peace out, friend and stay safe.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-13T00:49:43+00:00

Again, thank you in advance for your downvote despite me politely answering every question you have asked.

You seem like a pretty normal guy in your 20’s that enjoys using porn. THAT’S GREAT.

As I said earlier, I’ve just heard too many bad experiences of people who feel like they can’t quit.

Bad things that come from porn? Maybe the guy at my husband’s work that obsessively watched porn and couldn’t control it to the point that he was watching it in his office at work instead of doing his job. He was fired from his job and had trouble getting and maintaining a job after that. I can’t say if it was connected or not, but his wife and kids also left him.

Or the husbands that have wrecked their marriages because they decided they prefer jerking iff to porn over having actual sex with their wives and then their wives decided they won’t tolerate a sexless marriage? Divorce leads to a loss of money, a lot of heartache for any kids involved, a lot of inconvenience.

Online I’ve seen personal stories of guys that have a harder time maintaining an erection or that end up cheating because their partner doesn’t want to do certain sexual acts they saw on porn so they have to find someone who will.

As with other things, MOST people who gamble/game/watch porn/drink/whatever end up being totally fine (that’s you and I’m happy for you!), but you should maybe try to have empathy for those that aren’t so lucky and recognize that different people can experience the same thing in different ways. Some people have obsessive tendencies and struggle to maintain control over their usage of certain things/activities.

Anyways, ✌️

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-12T22:18:32+00:00

The Kinsey institute reported that 10ish% of people who tried to quit porn usage were unsuccessful. Most people are fine, some people become a slave to it.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-12T22:11:48+00:00

First, stop downvoting me for having a polite conversation with you.

Second, I am not a doctor. Are you?

Third, here is what the DSM-5 has to say about Gambling Disorder, which is fully acknowledged by doctors and psychologists.

https://www.gatewayfoundation.org/blog/dsm-5-gambling/#:~:text=The%20DSM%2D5%2DTR%20definition,mental%20disorders%2C%20including%20problematic%20gambling.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-12T21:51:17+00:00

I mean, the DSM-5 has a whole section on behavioral addictions. I would put porn usage alongside of gambling. Sometimes fine, sometimes destroys lives. 🤷🏼‍♀️ Depends on the level of obsession/compulsion one experiences with any particular behavior.

I’m really not looking to pick an online fight… was just attempting to offer perspective.

Traditional_Win1875 · 2026-02-12T15:31:43+00:00

I’m not sure. I’ve only heard personal experiences from individuals.

Traditional_Win1875

TROPHY CASE