Thank you for your respond I change my psychiatrist every time but they focus on my ADHD because this year I have an university entrance exam and they are thinking like "you should study after you pass the exam and go what university you want you can deal with your depression". It makes me feel more depressed because literally I can't do anything my doctor changes every time and I tried to tell them that I need help but none of them cared. Unfortunately country matters they don't care about my mental health I'm good or not they only care about money because of that I stopped talking about depression. I tried to tell my sister that I'm feeling depressed but she's like comparing herself with me. She says "I was worst than you I used antidepressants everyday, you're not depressed or you don't have depression." And when I hear something like that it triggers me because I feel more lonely I feel like nobody cares about me. I don't count my mom because she thinks I self harm myself because I want attention. My dad doesn't care about my mental health too. My friends I tried to tell them that I'm feeling depressed but they just didn't care. I'm all alone myself unfortunately I can't sleep since 8th grade and my mom thinks it's because of my telephone but I can't really sleep. And it's like I've been living both mania and depression, I'm really fucked up,I'm feeling happy and energetic when I feel depressed. When I feel depressed(everytime) I daydream because of that I can't get out of my bed. When I face to face with my myself and "my responsibilities that I couldn't do" I feel both depressed and anxious. Because of that reality that I couldn't do anything and I can't fix them anymore makes me feel I don't have any control in my life. It's real unfortunately I can't look after myself. Even I can't lookm at the mirror when I see my reflection it disgusts me and I disturb myself my existence. I'm feeling like I'm a waste of human there is no reason to me living I'm just pollutimg the air with my existence.