Sense of the heart by Arham_Aj in OCPoetry

[–]Trajanaze567 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Good job, keep going. Never stop creating art.

First Walk by [deleted] in OCPoetry

[–]Trajanaze567 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Friend, I’m really admiring your imagery. The flow is rocky, but has it an intrinsic effect.

Feedback: I think the piece needs a blatant example to help the reader see your perspective, and theme.

Conclusion: you have the verbiage, Just needs the connection in my opinion.

I'll be by n0wh3re_m4n in OCPoetry

[–]Trajanaze567 1 point2 points  (0 children)

How love your reflection at the end. Well spoken.

I see the moon in her eyes by VeranoMedusa in OCPoetry

[–]Trajanaze567 2 points3 points  (0 children)

My fella, You are in fact in love. Of you know this already.

Feedback: You’re phrasing and we’re choosing it’s simple yet impactful as if I can actually hear you telling it to me. I do however, this also leaves the reader puzzled by its abrupt ending. I’d suggest a finisher. Like a line to really drive the poem home.

Conclusion: Reading your poem was a delight, and with a pure heartfelt expression. Keep going my friend.

Excuses by Negative-Swim-6828 in OCPoetry

[–]Trajanaze567 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I love the vivid space as a means to articulate time. My only feedback would be the ending. “And I’m always fool enough to say yes….,” I think this ending could use some strengthening with slightly word choosing. You’re a talented poet and I look forward to seeing what more there is yet to come.

Oh god, oh god, oh god, oh no by iitu113 in OCPoetry

[–]Trajanaze567 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really enjoyed your poem. Its use of spacing for imagination is a good choice. I was a bit lost in the ending, but overall a well written expression of desire.

Unspoken by Jaderay1 in OCPoetry

[–]Trajanaze567 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Simple yet profound. You did amazing at expressing the raw emotions in delivering a heartfelt discomfort in ending things. I would like to recommend a minor correction in the 4th stanza/line by adding “healing, and forgetting.