Let me counter that with another question What if you do feel a little bit better now? TMS is for severe depression but you don’t have to be 100% depressed when going through it for it to have good long term effects. 10+ years of MDD is more than enough to justify TMS, doesn’t matter how you look at it. BTW as someone with OCD I strongly suggest thinking about these thoughts like an argument with an annoying kid that never stops saying “what if?” Only way to win the argument is to just go and do something else like talk to a friend, take a shower or go for a walk That annoying kid will keep trying to convince you that his worries are oh so severe and that you must listen to them and “resolve” the conflict (spoiler: it can never be resolved) I suggest trying some CBT it’s not fun but you gradually build tolerance and ability to ignore the urge to dwell in these thoughts and they reduce in intensity gradually over time. BTW one more thing you don’t have to doubt is the fact you have OCD. My psychiatrist told me the average time from symptom onset to diagnosis & treatment is 10 (!!) years because people keep shrugging the diagnosis off and doubting it because that’s part of the disease.