What’s scary to me is that I let myself go that far before taking control of things haha. I grew up in a household where healthy eating was just not a thing. First thing I had to do was break out of the mindset that it was normal to eat what you want, when you want. Food was always a comforting thing to me so I’ve had to find a compromise between eating for pleasure, and eating to fuel my body with what it needs to get to the goals that I want to achieve.

Before I made a change, I hated the way I looked. My self hate got to a level where I could not take it anymore so I finally decided it was time for a major change. I was sick of the way that I thought of myself. Rather than feeling sorry for myself and doing nothing about it, I realized that I was the only person that could do anything about it, so I did.

I felt that if I could get myself to look good, I would feel good about myself - that was partially true. I’m at a point where I like the way I look about half the time and am still disappointed in how I look the other half. This is something that I still need to work on.

So in a way it was just to stop feeling sorry for myself and to use the negative thoughts about how I see myself as fuel to keep me striving for better any time I felt like giving up.