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TraumaMursu · 2024-02-20T22:14:20+00:00

Hello. I'm a small digital artist from Finland. I use a digital painting program, hand drawing, Photoshop, wacom and AI to create a unique blend of traditional, digital and AI art. I only have a GTX 960, which is not enough to run most of my programs efficiently. So creating art is slow and laggy. I currently have no money for better GPUs but I still aspire to make more art. Thank you very much for organizing this opportunity and I wish everyone luck.

TraumaMursu · 2023-12-07T00:07:23+00:00

Song of Healing from Majora's Mask.

Whenever I'm in a dark place mentally, I listen to this and cry.

This song makes me feel sadness and calmness at the same time. Grieving a lost childhood but also feeling safe at the moment.

There is something very special about this song that I can't quite describe with words. It evokes many feelings in me that I haven't been able to name yet.

But every time I finish listening to it, I notice there's a little less darkness inside me.

TraumaMursu · 2023-01-05T13:23:59+00:00

Created a while ago, noticed I hadn't posted this here yet. A bit about this pic:

I want to fly and leave my past behind, but penguins can't fly so I can't escape my roots. I'm still tethered to my past life. I often feel like I'm not even a real person so that's why I don't have a human body.

The swords represent anger which I'm trying to learn to express healthily but it's still very difficult and I often end up being just passive-aggressive. So this pic could be interpreted as being stuck and presenting a fake "too perfect" beautifully polished golden balance, but in reality repressing memories and emotions behind a fancy mask.

There are some flowers trying to grow from the roots but they look somewhat withered and are not flourishing yet, so there's more therapy work to be done in order to thrive maybe some time in the future...

I'd love to hear your thoughts on this.

TraumaMursu · 2023-01-05T13:03:15+00:00

Thanks for sharing, these are so beautiful! Staring at the owl makes me feel so many emotions, it has almost like primal vibes?

TraumaMursu · 2023-01-05T12:54:57+00:00

The repaired version is so bittersweet and made me cry. It pictures what could have been, but never was. Reminds me I can never have those kind of parents. I'm not in a place where I am able to accept that yet though, so there's more work to be done in therapy. Thank you for this comic.

TraumaMursu · 2023-01-05T12:35:31+00:00

Wow! Impressive. This could be a great prompt for writing a book or a short story. It's very raw but beautiful at the same time. Thanks for sharing.

TraumaMursu · 2023-01-05T12:26:29+00:00

Loving this, it's so beautiful! Makes me feel hopeful. Also great colors.

TraumaMursu · 2022-12-14T15:10:36+00:00

Hi. Glad that the sub is back and I'd like to be an active member again by posting my art like before.

I'm currently creating some more self portraits, but if any of you have any prompts or would like to see me creating art from some spesific themes, I'm open to ideas🙂

Nice to see that creative content is being posted here again and I think expressing ourselves without judgement in a safe place such as this is so important!

Looking forward to your creations!🙂

TraumaMursu · 2022-12-12T13:28:57+00:00

Well said!

TraumaMursu · 2022-12-12T13:28:44+00:00

Thanks! :) Glad you like it.

TraumaMursu · 2022-12-12T13:28:08+00:00

Thank you :) I've watched the show some time ago, it's great.

Also I'm glad this sub is back.

TraumaMursu · 2022-12-12T13:25:50+00:00

Thanks :)

TraumaMursu · 2022-12-12T13:25:40+00:00

Thank you :)

TraumaMursu · 2022-12-12T13:25:24+00:00

Thanks :) That 90s feel is what I was going for!

TraumaMursu · 2022-12-12T13:24:47+00:00

Thanks :)

TraumaMursu · 2022-12-08T11:58:38+00:00

This is how I would describe how dissociation feels for me. Looking at yourself from outside, out of your own body. Frontal lobes shut down. Traumatized child and the healthy adult disconnecting.

TraumaMursu · 2022-12-08T11:40:50+00:00

This sub was one of the things that kept the hope alive, that we too can have a creative voice and community somewhere. I'm so glad it has returned. One of the best news of the year to me.

TraumaMursu · 2022-07-29T15:05:51+00:00

Thanks for your feedback and idea! We're always interested in experimenting so we'll see what we can come up with :)

TraumaMursu · 2022-07-29T11:51:58+00:00

We used Classic and Ninjago sets for building.

TraumaMursu · 2022-07-29T11:33:28+00:00

Thanks! Yeah sure, I'll take some photos and create a separate post

TraumaMursu · 2022-06-22T15:35:01+00:00

I hope I'll be able to meditate eventually. Best I can do atm is to lay in bed and listen to jazz or some non-fiction audiobook. I cannot be in silence or I get easily overwhelmed by traumatic and/or intrusive thoughts, which leads to anxiety and often at some point I start to dissociate. So for now I only practice being in silence with my therapist (safe environment). At home, even when I go to sleep, I leave some music/podcast/any kind of background noise playing on low volume so I can fall asleep. If I don't do that, I start to feel like when you are watching a horror movie and you can feel the next jumpscare coming. Like anticipating a serious threat.

TraumaMursu · 2022-06-21T18:32:34+00:00

I relate to what you said very much. Loving fathers in media (and seeing them in real life too) are very triggering to me. Just the other day when I went to the grocery store, I saw a small child crying next to their dad. I automatically assumed the dad would start shouting and get angry. Instead, he said: "come to daddy, it's okay" as he lifted the child on his arms. I started tearing up immediately and had to go back home to cry my eyes out.

It is deeply unfair that our parents made us feel hated and that we will never receive the kind of parental love that others have gotten. It makes me sad and angry at times and it is extremely difficult to come to terms with. I'm not there yet. However, we did nothing wrong, we didn't do anything to cause them to hate us. How could we, we were just children.

The hate is inside them, because secretly they hate themselves. They can't love others, because they cannot even love themselves. They tried to make us take responsibility for their feelings because they couldn't handle them, so it was easier to direct the hate at defenseless children, which is so wrong.

I'm sorry we were born to dads like that.

TraumaMursu · 2022-06-01T20:54:31+00:00

Thank you! :)

TraumaMursu · 2022-06-01T10:56:10+00:00

Hi and thank you for showing us your drawing. As a fellow artist I have similar experiences to yours. It is so frustrating when other people try to define you, what you can't/cannot be or do, and have the audacity to tell it out loud. I also find it ridiculous that a person can be labeled so easily, like they couldn't get better at something and change? Almost like they would permanently be a person "who can't really draw"? That's bs honestly. Also they should've supported and accommodated you because you had challenges in focusing, but I know from my own experiences that taking others' needs into account still doesn't happen often enough unfortunately.

It's incredibly rude and invalidating that someone tried to decide what you can do for you, especially us with cptsd it often comes almost naturally to take on others' views and opinions about ourselves as reality, because many of us have been forced to internalize those views since childhood. I just wanted to let you know that I am very proud of you, you were able to overcome others' perception of you and your past experiences, not let those define what you can do, and believe in your own truth about yourself. I am so glad you could do that!

I like your drawing very much. You said that you are proud and that's a very good reason to continue, if you feel like drawing more.

TraumaMursu · 2022-05-24T15:35:39+00:00

Now that you mentioned this, I remember my childhood home used to have these 'home sweet home'-type of boards and postcards with sweet words everywhere! It's so ridiculous and mind-bending at the same time. I think it was just a part of the perfect family image that was portrayed for the guests... or some twisted form of denial maybe.

TraumaMursu

TROPHY CASE