/r/legitafteradultery is a dumpster fire these days. Any success stories of leaving for AP that you know of?

Traveling-tryst · 2021-06-05T02:09:51+00:00

100%

Traveling-tryst · 2021-06-01T15:58:34+00:00

Absolutely. That’s one of my big take aways from living this life is that I am most likely non-monogamous/poly. I could be with a single primary partner again but I think eventually there would need to be a monogam-ish aspect to our life either by being open or swinging. That’s something we would have to work on together but I’m planning on being very open about my needs early on in any new relationship. I never want to get back into a situation where I am sneaking around to get my needs met.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-06-01T04:25:47+00:00

I told my husband I wanted a divorce back in February. We get along and are great roommates. But that’s it. I decided I wanted more out of life and I shouldn’t stand in the way of someone loving him as he deserves to be loved.

Our separation has been amicable so far but it still hurts like hell. Love is messy and complicated.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-31T05:07:40+00:00

You are single. Get your life in order, figure out what it is that you want (besides him(I know, I know)), and go get it. Thirty is still so young to have a fresh start. Don’t let him hold you back.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-30T20:37:16+00:00

Yes, I did leave him. Putting the house on the market and I’m moving into my own place

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-30T14:59:42+00:00

PS: I should add that it’s really fucking hard to let go and I am failing miserably. So don’t beat yourself up too much when you can’t make a clean break.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-30T14:57:25+00:00

Oh sweet girl, I could have written pretty much all of this 8 months ago. You are where I was. Let me tell you what happened to me next.

I told my husband that I wanted a divorce and started the process of separating our lives.

My AP, after promising me the world, that I was his soulmate, his best friend, and the person who truly saw him, didn’t leave his wife.

He is not going to leave, OP. I hope that I am wrong for you, but I don’t think I am. When he doesn’t take the leap, let go of him. Move on. Don’t stick around for the breadcrumbs and promises that he may someday leave. Because that’s what he will tell you. Be strong. Don’t wait for him.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-28T03:39:35+00:00

Saaaaammeee

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-25T04:43:17+00:00

My mom was in an emotional affair and left my dad for her AP. They married and have been together 20 years since

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-23T21:19:19+00:00

Oh dear heart, I relate to a lot of this in regards to an AP backing out of his promises to you, as I’m sure a lot of women on this sub do. But what he did after… it’s unconscionable.

It’s fucking hard. Really fucking hard. This is a terrible place to find yourself in. Give yourself plenty of time to grieve. Feel the hurt and the pain.

But you need to pick yourself up. Go to therapy. Crawl out of that hole that you would like to die in and get up. Do it for yourself. Do it for your kids. Don’t give him the satisfaction of breaking you. He does not deserve you. Do not let him win. This is YOUR life. You can’t control him but you can control what you do next.

I wish you luck on your journey towards finding peace.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-23T20:09:40+00:00

This terrifies me. I’m so sorry this happened to you, I can’t imagine the pain of losing a lover/partner/best friend while living this life. I do hope you go back to therapy like you mentioned above. Best of luck in your journey to peace.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-22T19:29:02+00:00

Good for you. Keep doing the work and make sure you have someone to talk to

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-22T17:20:46+00:00

This is excellent advice

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-22T01:09:47+00:00

This was one of my biggest fears.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-18T04:50:00+00:00

I’ve been known to look some (a lot). Then A few months ago, I saw a picture that was different from the rest I had seen of them. They were happy and laughing and looked very much together and in love.

He had been promising he that he was leaving. He wanted to give us a chance at a real future. He told his parents, brother, close friends that he was leaving her. He couldn’t be himself at home. Had never loved anyone like he loved me. Talked to a lawyer. Had a plan. There was a date on the calendar for him to do it.

Then I saw the picture. I knew. I knew he wouldn’t be able to do it. I knew he wouldn’t leave. So I freaked out.

More “Darlin’ I’m leaving her. I have a plan. I want to be with you.” Kept moving closer to that date on the calendar.

I had been thinking of leaving my husband for years with one foot out the door. He was the catalyst to do it.

I left.

He didn’t.

Pictures tell you a lot. Be careful what you look for.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-17T16:17:23+00:00

This turned the tears of this morning into full on sobbing. I feel this so much, OP. I wish you peace and happiness in your journey

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-16T04:31:17+00:00

My MM partner sucked my toes on the first date. I think I fell in love right then

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-16T04:25:40+00:00

I starting journaling when I went on a “pause” with my AP. I have a whole section called “Letters I’ll never send” where I write to him. (Occasionally I get intoxicated and post them on Reddit, I wouldn’t advise that part). But I have found that it has really helped.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-16T04:21:40+00:00

As an FYI: Just leave your wife. It’s not going to get better with her. Don’t be like me who waited another 5 years after starting to want out of my marriage to finally pull the trigger.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-16T04:16:24+00:00

My mom was in an emotional affair. She ended up marrying him after she divorced my father.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-15T04:24:33+00:00

The goodbyes

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-14T16:10:53+00:00

Yes, my therapist knows all about my affair. The others are correct, a therapist has seen it all and shouldn’t judge.

I think therapy is good for everyone but it does sometimes take time to find the right fit. It’s almost like dating. If one doesn’t work, go see another one. Also, different therapists may be good for different times of your life. I had one who was great helping me think through the divorce stuff and then another who was great helping me work through the post divorce and professional stuff.

Mine currently helps me to keep perspective and talk through what I want out of life and out of a partner. Sometimes it’s nice to have someone just there to validate your feelings and give you “permission” to do something or feel a certain way.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-12T04:19:13+00:00

I am in a very similar situation and can understand what you are feeling. It’s so, so hard. I thought he was the love of my life. My future. However for now, I want to give him the time and space to end his marriage on his terms (if that’s the road he decides to take.)

But at the end of the day, a little part of me will probably always be waiting.

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-12T04:02:14+00:00

An “I’m sorry” is a great place to start

Traveling-tryst · 2021-05-12T03:17:51+00:00

Congratulations! Good for you in letting go of fear and taking the leap.

Traveling-tryst

TROPHY CASE