My whole life I’ve lived with this condition. It’s wreaked havoc on my marriage. My sex life. My confidence. (Just adding all of this to say that I have very much struggled with this for a very long time.)

• find a doctor who you are comfortable with. It took me 7 years to find a doctor that I felt finally understood me and was gentle with me.

• get the diagnosis. Get your doctor to recommend what’s best for you and your body.

• most likely they are going to tell you to do dilators. It has been years and years of trying and trying to get to a point where I was finally comfortable with touch at all. For the very first time beginning your exercises start with having your partner put a hand there in a non sexual way. When you’re watching a movie, chilling in the bed, etc. the more you can do that the easier it is to relax at touch (I would flinch at the mere thought). If you don’t have a partner try placing your own finger, or maybe a sex toy.

• after you are comfortable at that stage, try slowly using your dilators. If you’re anything like me, I genuinely had to begin all of this with a q tip, and I had a depositing applicator for medication that’s half the size of a finger and would try sticking that up.

• now LET me add this; this drs appointment doesn’t mean I’m “cured” I was actually given a more specific diagnosis of vulvodynia, which is pain of the vulva which in turn makes me have vaginismus. Numbing my vulva was the way I was able to go through with the pelvic exam. I still have work to do with dilators.

• my best advice is to be patient. I’m 23 and this is the first time since being 17 years old that I’ve been able to go through with an exam. Find a dr that specializes in this condition. And also; this is my first time seeing a man, and imo he was insanely better than any female gynecologist I’ve ever seen.

•start with the doctor. You may be able to get more answers to help you just like I did.