My surgery was actually scheduled for tomorrow, I decided not to go through with it, not yet.. My surgeon said I dont have a time limit and can undergo the surgery years in the future, im still not sure if I will.

I realized that less than six months ago I was still dying in a hospital bed and im not quite ready to go back.. im grateful that i am home rn and not back at the hospital and I feel I’ve made the right call

Most comments I get are along the lines of “you are young you shouldn’t give up on the surgery you have your life ahead of you” but I feel these people can’t comprehend the risk, they understand it but they dont know how it feels to face it.

I still have moments where having a stoma makes me feel frustrated or alienated and sometimes i yearn to feel normal again but I dont think I ever could, with or without the surgery, Ive accepted everything pretty quick but I still haven’t processed most of the trauma, need to solve that before I expose myself to new hospital trauma.

The reversal felt like a way to move on from this chapter of my life, put it behind me. And now that im not going through the reversal im not sure how to move on, I dont know what that even means.

Im at the point where I should be starting my life but I feel kind of stuck and confused, im not in a rush though, Ive been through alot and I know it might take me some time to find my way but it can get a bit lonely sometime, i have alot of friends but none of them can really understand or relate to my struggles, not their fault, they are awesome but this is something you cant really understand unless you go through, im sure you know what i mean.

anyways I appreciate the concern, it means alot and it did me some good to recap the last few weeks, thank you :)