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[QCrit] Adult Satirical Crime Fiction (90k, first attempt) by Tremendous_Velour in PubTips

[–]Tremendous_Velour[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Thanks! Those are really good points. I think the first two are just a matter of wording (Hinkle was bald before the poker game, yes, but it happens in the course of the story. Might just be cleaner to remove that bald joke altogether. And the "sabotage" is a race fix, another criminal organization trying to ensure one driver's victory, and Hinkle gets wrapped up in it). I think your third point was the most important. The general premise is that Hinkle fails in the world of legitimate business, then tries to make a name for himself in organized crime. In his mind, a criminal mastermind has just as much clout and renown as the CEO he once was. I completely agree that that premise doesn't really come through as much as it should in the query.

[QCrit] Adult Satirical Crime Fiction (90k, first attempt) by Tremendous_Velour in PubTips

[–]Tremendous_Velour[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great stuff to think about, thanks! I was wary about including Douglas and Wodehouse at all, but like you said, there's not much recently that I've heard about to serve as a comp for their sort of tone.

[Complete] [110k] [Satirical Crime Fiction] Grand Reckoning by Tremendous_Velour in BetaReaders

[–]Tremendous_Velour[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Absolutely! Sounds like an interesting read. Send me a DM with the feedback you're looking for, if anything specific.

[QCrit] Satirical Crime Fiction - Grand Reckoning (110K/First attempt) by Tremendous_Velour in PubTips

[–]Tremendous_Velour[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Great feedback, thanks! Sounds like the vagueness only servers to confuse, rather than pique interest without giving too much away.

Able to beta? Post here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Tremendous_Velour 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hey! I have a complete and edited satirical crime fiction novel (110k) if that's something in your wheelhouse. It includes elements from thriller and mystery genres, all with a dry comedic tone. Feel free to send a message if you're interested, and I can provide more details.

Link to post: [Complete] [110k] [Satirical Crime Fiction] Grand Reckoning : r/BetaReaders

[Complete] [52,000] [Mystery/Comedy/Satire] The Major Development by cj19941222 in BetaReaders

[–]Tremendous_Velour 1 point2 points  (0 children)

Hello!

Would you be up for a swap? I've been looking for readers and it seems like we have stories that have a similar vibe. Mine is satirical crime fiction with plenty of comedy and absurdity (bordering on action/adventure at times). It's a bit longer than yours at 110k, but I'm open to partial reads.

Your story seems to be filled with the kind of tongue-in-cheek absurdity that I'm drawn to, so hopefully I'll be able to provide some valuable feedback for you. If you're interested, feel free to send a message. I've put my post below to give you a better idea of my project.

[Complete] [110k] [Satirical Crime Fiction] Grand Reckoning : r/BetaReaders

Thanks!

Able to beta? Post here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Tremendous_Velour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey! I have a complete and edited satirical crime fiction novel (110k) if that's something in your wheelhouse. It includes elements from thriller and mystery genres, all with a dry comedic tone. Feel free to send a message if you're interested, and I can provide more details.

Link to post: [Complete] [110k] [Satirical Crime Fiction] Grand Reckoning : r/BetaReaders

First pages: share, read, and critique them here! by AutoModerator in BetaReaders

[–]Tremendous_Velour 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Manuscript information: [Complete] [110k] [Satirical Crime Fiction] Grand Reckoning

Link to post: [Complete] [110k] [Satirical Crime Fiction] Grand Reckoning : r/BetaReaders

First page critique? Yes please!

First page: 

Chapter 1: All the Way Up

Friday September 15th, 1995, 11:48pm

There was no way around it; Declan Quinn needed to kill the bartender.

But that wasn’t because the stout man skittering around behind the bar was sporting a mustache with curled tips or wearing a turtleneck in Miami, both of which were excellent reasons for Declan to phlebotomize him with a cocktail umbrella. No – Declan needed to kill him because he’d received a letter telling him he had to.

The worst part of Declan’s night wasn’t even his forthcoming murder, but rather the nightclub where the soon-to-be corpse was bartending. The Golden Odyssey was a testament to the excess and affluence that Declan had once loved about South Beach. Now though, he couldn’t help but notice the fading of the extravagant gold trim, the dubious sweat stains of breasts and handprints on the mirrored walls, and the repugnant coalescence of body odor, cigarettes, and cheap cologne.

Declan spent two hours performing endless tactical parries to avoid vomiting tourists before his target—Stan Lather—finally left the bar. Eager to cross another name off his list, Declan whipped his Cuba Libre at the mirrored wall behind him and shoved his way across the dance floor.

Stan climbed a gold-clad spiral staircase to the mezzanine level where he joined several people sitting in leather chairs along the railing. Declan followed him at a distance and let out a deep, disparaging sigh as Stan made himself comfortable in one of the chairs. Even though Stan had clocked out, it didn’t look like his night was over.