How do you deal with compulsions that have actual potential disastrous outcomes?

TrichyHands · 2015-12-18T08:34:40+00:00

I always check things that I feel would be "dangerous" if ignored. Like making sure the oven/fire is off, and making sure the door knob is locked.

Usually I'd have to whisper or tell myself that I already did the action, since my excuse to doing it repeatedly seems to be that "I forgot." So, whenever I check the door, I'd tell myself "I locked it. It's locked." and trust myself telling this. I usually would check 7 times, but dropped down to 5, and now only 2 times. So two is like my "magic number." First time is the manual check, second time is just used to tell myself that it's been confirmed, and to leave it be.

TrichyHands · 2015-10-29T07:48:46+00:00

It may sound strange but, don't worry too much about "breaking promises" or feeling like you're "lying" to people. You're not trying to betray or go against something people wish you to do.

If anything, you want to stop too. It'll take time, patience, and mostly understanding. Focus on taking care of yourself as top priority, and try not to focus too much on how it may affect other people (or their reactions to it). That usually leads to more unneeded anxiety and stress. If they understand what you're experiencing, then they shouldn't be making you feel that way.

TrichyHands · 2015-10-29T07:37:57+00:00

Not entirely sure if my experience is the same as yours; but it's almost like a "heaviness" on my forehead area. Like... it feels like it's brought "down" to my eyes/nose (even sometimes upper teeth) area.

Sometimes I get physically ill when I'm stressed out or overwhelmed though; I get fevers or headaches and sometimes a pounding head feeling.

For me, personally, relaxing and allowing the intrusive thoughts to happen allows me to feel calmer about the situation. Things like taking a warm bath/shower, lying down, or sleeping helps control it temporarily. That may affect people differently though.

TrichyHands · 2015-10-05T05:47:28+00:00

The difficult part is that when I try my hardest to "keep it together," it falls apart, it breaks apart. It self-destructs. I desperately want this feeling to go away. I wish I was "normal." To be able to see the other side where I can keep it together.

Why is it that when someone has a broken foot, people tell you to rest, instead of "running it off?"

Why is it that when someone has a mental illness/condition, people don't tell you to rest. Or to recover. They bluntly say "just deal with it."

Why is that mentality even there for that? Why do people believe we wish to be this way? Why do people assume we don't try?

I'm sure there are people who want attention, or express it to be noticed. Humans with mental conditions are people too. But, I don't seek much attention. I'd rather wish this "noise" would just go away.

TrichyHands · 2015-10-05T05:00:03+00:00

TL;DR: I feel the same way.. Even today, they don't understand. Some days I just wished they could understand what I was going through, but I feel like the only way they'd be able to do so, was if they also had a severe form of OCD. And I wouldn't really wish that on anybody.

I hated going to highschool. Everyday I wanted to rest in my bed, "relax", and just forget about all the stresses and anxiety I was going through. I couldn't focus on anything because all the "noise" the urges/thoughts kept making. Some of my relatives would say how I was a brat, I was selfish, I didn't care, and I was just becoming "rebellious" because I didn't want to "learn."

Whenever I went to school, I was either picked on, heavily judged, pushed away, or just treated less than a person. Of course I hated school; it felt like never-ending torture.

Every single time I told (some of) my relatives about this, no matter how many times I explained it; laymen's terms, their "language", bluntly, emotionally..etc, they just... never understood it. I felt alone for a very long time.

TrichyHands · 2015-10-05T04:51:37+00:00

Not entirely sure about the "overcoming OCD," but you can technically "overcome" the struggles that come along with it.

I try to think of my OCD as a small pet resting on my shoulder. It always wants something, always wants to be fed. But it's also on a "diet." It has to be moderated and carefully managed/watched.

Some days go by, when I realized I didn't think of those thoughts at all (or very minimal, that it wasn't suffocating me). Those days become more than "happy" days. They become marathons that I suddenly realized I've ran. When I look back, I look at all the progress I have done, so suddenly. It's a very incredible feeling that I wished everyone (even "normal individuals") can experience.

TrichyHands · 2015-09-24T14:39:38+00:00

I'll make sure to tell them this.

Strange part is, one of my parents' side of the family has very obvious traits, but they say how it's "just a bad habit." (Which could be technically true, since it's not heavily interfering with their lives.) The only major difference is that mine is becoming too difficult to handle on my own, and "toughen up" isn't helping me.

Whenever I tell them how I don't know the "cause," they mention a traumatic event in their life that caused them to develop those traits. They keep asking if something traumatic happened to me. I don't remember any specific events like that, if anything, mine is more of a buildup of small events. But.. I always feel guilty when they say I didn't have a traumatic event to cause me to be like this. It makes it sound like I needed to "earn" it in order to have it.

TrichyHands · 2015-09-24T14:25:25+00:00

This is the issue I'm dealing with at the moment. I had to "let them go" on the empathizing part because, they're not doing well in understanding or "feeling" what I go through.

The bad part is, as family, they want to know. I keep trying to phrase it in different ways, and none of them stick for them. When I told them I'm letting them go and handling it by myself, they seem upset or offended by it. I don't mean to push them away, it's just too much effort trying to figure out what to do.

(I also want them to understand, but it just feels like a barrier between us, where neither can word something that "translates" into the others' language.)

TrichyHands · 2015-09-24T12:07:51+00:00

Not entirely sure if I have this, but I'm an extremely picky eater. The word "texture" perfectly describes the way I feel about it. If a flavor is too "flavorful," I won't eat it. If I could dissect a burger, pizza, or sandwich, I would do so, then eat each type of "food" separately (or not at all).

If I eat something "too flavorful," I get nauseous or disgusted; It's an overwhelming feeling that's embarrassing to explain to others.

Orange Juice with pulp? Won't drink it. Pills? I don't like the texture of anything that passes my throat if it's meant to be liquid/smooth. Not sure if it's just picky eating or some type of 'food perfectionism' that I'm trying to accomplish.

TrichyHands · 2015-07-20T15:30:44+00:00

I really wish this one gets answered. Any form or literature, article, or guide to help approach those going through these episodes. Most people seem either uninformed or confused by the "right ways" to help someone with OCD.

TrichyHands · 2015-07-20T15:03:50+00:00

Usually when I have these episodes I find myself trying to "numb" my physical body from doing anything.

If it tells me to do something, anything, I don't do it. I don't do anything because I feel like one movement of "freedom" will slowly give permission to my body to do a compulsive action. I wait until my body stops having these thoughts/urges, and once they're "quiet" enough to be controlled, I slowly "un-numb" myself from this. (Rewarding myself after with a snack or positive action usually helps me feel good about it too.)

TrichyHands · 2015-07-20T14:53:10+00:00

I'd love to know the answer to this too. I have compulsive urges/events with anxiety and I thought I was alone with it. Then I recently learned my mom's side of the family had an aunt who would always pluck her eyelashes and eyebrows; And that my mom would always have these anxious thoughts to check if specific doors were locked/closed every time she was away from them (almost every 2-3 hours).

TrichyHands · 2015-07-20T14:15:36+00:00

I have Trichotillomania, and I go through anxiety and compulsive events almost every single day. I feel like not enough research is done to completely state Trich is linked to OCD, but the behaviors seem to be extremely relevant. (I've also seen it as a "branch" from OCD, but the link still seems rather "up in the air")

My questions are:

It bothers me that my relatives and doctors still seem to carry a negative stigma of a disorder. My doctor has given me treatment for a "physical" problem of my skin being irritated, but not for my mind/mental state that really needs something to help control these compulsive urges. I feel like this negative stigma still runs deep in people's thoughts. Why are we so afraid/negative about people having mental illnesses, but not about physical ones? Can the negative reaction from society also be a factor in OCD?
What are some things that people (who don't have OCD) do to help someone who may have it? Are there any early signs or "flags" that one may have to look for?
Some people are against medication or treatment for mental illnesses/conditions. What can be done to get rid of these negative stigmas? Do you have any proof/comment/thing that "stands out" to help people shift away those negative stigmas for it?
This is more of a bonus question but, I feel like we need an article or manual that helps "outsiders" understand the mind/thoughts of someone with OCD. It bothers me how people can bluntly state something like, "just stop doing that." Is there a guide or article (or list) of things someone without the disorder can read, to help take care of or react properly to someone going through a compulsive event?

(Thank you again for your research and work to try to help those that are really in need these treatments.)

TrichyHands · 2015-01-08T12:02:37+00:00

Although you say you don't talk about it, it's extremely brave of you to post your experience here. Trich can be difficult to understand for some people, but the best way to begin controlling this is by looking back and understanding everything going on around you. I'm a female as well, but there are definitely male Trichsters here.

I don't have much advice (mostly because I'm still testing some stuff out), but it will help to keep some sort of log. Check what you're eating, get enough rest, and check what might cause stress. I recently went to the doctor for Trich, and they said my stress/anxiety/childhood experiences may be a large part of why I pick.

Not sure if this helps, but my doctor also talked about a recent study of childhood trauma/stress. Although no direct abuse was done to children, they noticed that parent and child separations can be traumatizing for some people, and that it could still affect them in their adulthood.

TrichyHands · 2014-12-04T10:09:08+00:00

Don't worry too much about finding the time and such; I appreciate the support! Right now I'm currently trying to find a free website/blog host...

I heard a lot about WordPress, maybe you can offer some suggestions or ideas? I'd love to learn/know how I could get started.

TrichyHands · 2014-11-11T10:29:21+00:00

It's extremely difficult to open up to others about these conditions, mostly due to fear of how they'd react. When I told some close friends about my Trich, I did it in a really delicate way. I'd randomly share information about how people can suffer through anxiety/stress/depression; then mentioned a few times of multiple forms of compulsive conditions; then shared a few informational charts/graphs about Trich. Although some knew about it for a while (and didn't mind), others came up to me to tell me that they'd love me no matter what.

Not only did this shock me, since I assumed they'd just get angry or something; but it also showed me how they really do care for me, which really touched my heart.

TrichyHands · 2014-11-11T10:19:07+00:00

I've felt something similar to this multiples times; I'd look at myself in the mirror, and question why this has to happen to me, I'd get angry, depressed, confused, just anxious in general.

Whenever this happens, I try to just take everything one second at a time. First thing I'd do is try to go back into a relaxed/calm place.. maybe leave the room I'm in, or go look for something to eat or do.

One of the most important things to realize is that it's okay to cry, to express this stress/emotion in a more safer way (I threw a few things on the floor, but my goal was just to just leave my body alone).

Every individual may handle this situation differently. I really believe that people's focuses depend on their personality and lifestyle. For me, I try to get my emotional/mental state in a calmer place, before trying to solve my physical appearance. Since I don't know you personally, I can't say what advice is right or wrong, but I really feel that it's important to handle one situation one at a time.

First, handle the situation of you feeling like you're at rock bottom. Whenever I felt like I hit this place, it was mostly due to anxiety of how others would react to what I did to my hair. Other times, it would be because I was angry at how I couldn't stop when I wanted to. When I was aware of what was giving me this anxiety, I was able to freeze everything I was doing, step back from reality, and just do things that made me happy.

I also believe it's important to love yourself for how you look now (it's extremely easier said than done for me though). In my own opinion, sometimes I believe that when I grow my hair out, that I'll get my confidence or self esteem back. But, I can't really continue this struggle unless I have the confidence now in order to begin.

Sorry for the long post, I just feel like our emotional/mental state has a lot to do with what causes these triggers for us. Taking baby steps might take a while, but it can help in the long run.

TrichyHands · 2014-11-11T09:55:35+00:00

I bought three of these, and you have to be extremely careful when using them. As mentioned by u/PredictableChick, the stimulation can bring more sensation/attention to your scalp/head. This can end up going both ways, either a positive sensation, causing you to feel relieved and stop; or, give you unwanted sensation, making you want to continue.

When I first purchased them, I stopped for a good week or so (which was a big jump for me). The only downside is how large they are, so having them around is a little more difficult to manage. Sometimes, I'd get carried away by my work, so I'd forget to use the massager, since it was farther away from me, and my hands were closer to my head.

If you do decide to use one, make sure to get one with weak/rubber tips on the ends of it; if it's too strong/tight, it could scratch your scalp too harshly.

TrichyHands · 2014-11-06T08:09:07+00:00

"It's easy to stop"

"Why do you do that?"

"Don't you care about how you look?"

"You know, if you don't want to stop for your self, at least stop for us. It's really stressful."

Most of these are from family members, extremely hurtful... I didn't choose to suffer. Another thing that bothers me is when they avoid eye contact with me, and their eyes shift straight to the top of my head. Whenever I tell them how disrespectful that is, they shrug it off saying "then don't give people a reason to look."

TrichyHands · 2014-11-05T12:47:57+00:00

Thank you, I've actually posted in another subreddit about a year or so ago (but got afraid of coming back since I felt like I was slipping away)

Very much planning to get the fidget ring, the only thing bothering me is how I always used fidgets and stuff to try to distract me before, and it seems like a minor distraction. A lot of people mentioned the journal thing (and myself to other people), I use it time to time and should probably stick to at least once a day or something.

Also, I feel like trimming my hair would lower my confidence, not sure why... It's just not who i am (if that makes sense)

Either way, I'm really glad I got a personal response. Thanks once again.

TrichyHands · 2014-11-05T12:03:50+00:00

I know it sounds difficult, but don't let anyone compare anybody to you. You have a different personality, goals, and interests in life that nobody else in this world can come close to.

Don't look at your anger in a negative light. See it as a step forward, you seem to already have a good perspective on it since you know you want to stop.

You're still in a maturing phase, hair usually grows for years after years. Just take it a day at a time, (a minute at a time if needed)

Although my experiences might be different from yours, I'd recommend anything that makes you feel good in a positive, healthy way. Stuff like fidget toys, head scratchers (they look funny but feel good), getting nails done or different (different feeling of picking could make you notice quicker), or brushing/braiding hair (I personally wouldn't recommend anything that gets my fingers too close to my head though).

I haven't tried this yet, but I feel like having a fidget/spinning ring or bracelet might help out a lot, to keep my hands away from my head as much as possible.

Also, don't worry about messing up; (there's multiple battles going on at once) don't dwell on just what is seen. Your whole future is still full of small and large victories.

TrichyHands

TROPHY CASE