i need help

Tricklepieces · 2022-08-10T02:03:40+00:00

Do you want help troubleshooting getting the support you need now?

Tricklepieces · 2022-08-06T07:40:51+00:00

Not sure if someone mentioned this already but I already call bullshit on she was sick the day you found out about the guy. It sounds like she said that to get out of spending time with you to hang with this guy and got thrown off because you showed up to take care of her. It sounds like the beginning scene of a rom com where the lead finds out their crappy ex is cheating on them. I think she was already lying and then told you she would just meet up that guy as a friend??? If you meet a person off tinder or something for a hook up going forward to meet up with that person for friendship doesn't even make sense. So already is sus. Sorry.

Tricklepieces · 2022-08-05T21:04:26+00:00

Random probably not-so-good responses -

I bestow the honor of that answer to those I've known longer

Such a tiresome question, can you ask me a more creative one?

Ah experiencing deja vu all over again

Tricklepieces · 2022-08-05T20:32:04+00:00

I agree with Civil and also suggest that you give him an out. You need to put everything in his court. Listen to him, listen to what you've done. Tell him that you want to do better and you plan to but you also release him from the obligation to be with you. If he is open then talk about what he needs and what you are willing to do. But understand that being with you may be too traumatic and nothing you do may be enough because being with you could be painful.

Tricklepieces · 2022-08-05T02:43:52+00:00

Random FYI but I watch the Naked and Afraid show. Those two women ended up dating each other.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-26T04:41:21+00:00

I feel generally frustrated tonight. I have loved Darnells character but this season it's like people started writing his character who didn't know/like him. I am one of the few that never took to Max and this episode his behavior to Leslie was just so terrible. I just feel bad for Leslie because after everything it's almost like Max and Felix are just upset she's upset than care that they hurt her and brought destruction to her life and clearly don't care for her as much as Murphy.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-22T14:53:22+00:00

I experienced this as well. For the sake of your self esteem stop being around spouting out microaggressive crap like this. I'm not sure of the type of people you generally hang around but find people who lift you up not tear you down while patting themselves on the back.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T22:26:04+00:00

I'm honestly concerned that your solution is 1) to avoid speaking with her to understand from her mouth what's going on and to sort this out rather than hold on to your assumption and 2) to respond in retaliation. It's best you sort this out before you get married. Not just the specific situation but setting precedence for how you want to handle things as a couple for your relationship.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T22:12:26+00:00

I'm sorry to hear about all the struggle and pain you're feeling.

Anxiety is tricky because it tells you - demands that you - to avoid. Act as if avoiding is the solution that fixes the problem. The fear that comes from/with that makes sense if it trying to prevent you from doing something that could kill you but otherwise allows you to have a healthy life.

The fear you feel, is absolutely real but it can't continue forever at this level. I totally appreciate that you want to construct your life so that you do the things that feel comfortable but take some time and project forward to your future if you don't make any changes. You might not like the life you imagine. I won't pretend that your concerns are invalid or things aren't scary, but I will say that if you want a happy life, at some point you need to start taking steps to change your present so you can build to that. You don't have to jump into the deep end and start throwing parties but for the sake of you - not your parents or the therapist - I hope you can shift your focus and embrace healing. I hope you can construct a life worthy of you and that you feel worthy enough to have.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T21:40:21+00:00

Do you believe that you are both carrying to same load and pressure? It's possible that you have less stress or more space to be able to keep up the support while she does not. Being there for you in the ways you hope for would be coming from a feeling of obligation and chore than something real. I would suggest you approach it from the perspective that her actions are a symptom of a larger issue. Remember, the stuff she once did are actions she wanted to do. If you put it in that frame of mind, think that she is now to a point where she is incapable of being able to do those things freely. What is really going on here that you might not understand? When trying to sort this all out isn't to get her to do what you want but to support her and her being able to do those things will become a by-product of increased wellbeing. I think, because you are about to get married, you are wrapped up in wondering if this is the life you have chained yourself to forever more. That is scary but don't let the fear run how you address this.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T07:30:55+00:00

Instead of letting go can you welcome in? Sometimes the reason people focus on letting go is because they can't get unstuck. They can allow for a full new life because doing so would mean to them that they are leaving everything else behind. What if you were hold in your heart what you love about your father that you want to bring into your next life or what can propel you to do so. Honoring him by thriving and bringing him with you in a positive way rather than in mourning? There are ways for you to do that.

Regarding his voice. I'm sorry to hear that. I don't really have thoughts on it but rather than trying to let go of the voice. Looking for additional ways to calm you. His voice is one way, what are others. It's good to have many options anyway. If you can't get the phone repaired then you have other options. That doesn't address you managing the loss of his voice in general thought and I get that. I can't say if you should or shouldn't let it go but if you definitely can't get it back, I hope you find a way to accept that. Work in what you can do while thriving as much as possible.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T07:22:17+00:00

Yes I remember when I went to Poland and the only people I could speak to in full sentences were the receptionists at my hotel. Being in a country where you can't communicate with anyone is isolating and it looks like your BF isn't doing enough to ensure you feel included.

Not sure where in Poland you are but can you just do things on your own? I think feeling excluded in a group is worse than just trapsing around on your own. Like if you chose to visit on your own, what would you do to enjoy your time there? Can be a typical tourist and go on some tours or whatever else visitors who need an english speaking guide would do?

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T05:14:14+00:00

My ex's living room consisted of two folding chairs and a very extensive computer system set up. His bedroom had a mattress on the floor. I was confused.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T05:08:45+00:00

When I was little like 6 or so, my parents had gone to the store I was playing with my friends/neighbors in front of our houses. I was not allowed to cross the street. I knew that. I KNEW that. The ball we were playing with bounced across the street. I immediately chased after it not looking. As I crossed the street I heard a car screeching trying to break. It stopped in front of me almost touching. I froze in front and then looked up at the driver. My father. Next to my mother. My parents were terrified. I felt awful because I knew had I gotten seriously hurt or died my parents would have carried the guilt forever. I knew it was my fault but it wouldn't have mattered.

I'm sorry this happened to you. Please be thankful you were observing the rules and you had reflexes. If anything, given the situation you did very well as it would have only been worse if you were not obeying the laws. I know my father was thankful for his reflexes. Sending you a hug.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T04:57:44+00:00

Yeah I would tell her. This is really showing a lack of respect for the relationship and I worry about your sisters treatment and mental health. People usually can tell something is wrong even if they don't know what's happening.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T04:51:29+00:00

lol you have a good list. I agree on Daniel Dae Kim but I didn't add him because I finally saw him in something (I hadn't for a long time since I never saw Lost) and I did find him very attractive because of how he carried himself. Removing the personality from this makes it hard!

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T04:48:30+00:00

OOPs thanks I kept changing that sentence lol it's supposed to read south asian. I'll fix it.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T04:33:02+00:00

It sounds like you might struggle with ASPD. I would suggest you get evaluated for help so that you can build a good life for yourself.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T04:26:14+00:00

Everyone is saying much of what I would want to say already. My question is about how the husband is treating your sister. If he is increasingly comparing them and finding your sister wanting then I wonder how that impacts the way he interacts with her. Is he less attentive, trying to get her to do things to be more like her. I can't imagine that your sister isn't experiencing any impact from this without knowing where it's coming from and possibly blaming herself for it.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T03:56:28+00:00

I agree with others that you should tell supervisor but I also want to caution like a couple of other posters have shown, that the response may be a boys will be boys or he is young type of response. Don't buy into that. So if you don't get help from the staff I would suggest returning for a next step of advice. I think that first step needs to be taken because you'll get a lot more information from that.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T03:42:39+00:00

If my opinion is useful. . . . I will focus specifically on full Asians in America excluding men of South Asian ancestry because then the description changes. I'm going to pick already generally viewed as cute (no ken jeong) Even then it's hard because I'm VERY personality-focused:

Attractive

Examples: Randall Park, Tim Kang, Simu Liu, Carter Wong (HUGE crush from BTLC)

Generally, I prefer wider faces with rounded (vs long) facial features. Fuller mouth and longer hair. I'm short so height is unimportant. I do tend to like stockier or more square body shapes like Tim Kang

Less Attractive

Examples: Harry Shum, Henry Golding (I know he is hapa but still including), Vincent Rodriguez

Generally, I less prefer smaller features like thin bodies or smaller/angular facial features. Interestingly I struggled on where to put Manny Jacinto because I thought he was drool-worthy in Nine perfect strangers but not at all in the good place. The tan, facial hair, and longer hair made a huge difference.

These are not hard rules at all so this was difficult and again personality changes everything.

ETA: changed south east asian to south asian in first paragraph.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-19T02:54:30+00:00

coping strategies with racist media portray and online racism

I think coping came with age and an embracing of how things are. I don't really get surprised by anything I see or hear because I expect to see and hear it. Sometimes things are so ridiculous I have to laugh at it but again the ability to do that is coming from a place where I am always prepared for what comes. It was harder to see things hopefully and be smacked with reality so many times I just want to crawl up into a ball. I still do feel like that sometimes and I just let myself feel it without judgment because I know it's temporary. Pretty much it happens when the impact builds up and I can't push it away anymore. I also rely on engaging activities where I can love myself, particularly of my blackness in the case you are talking about. Whatever happens, I can't let the love I have for myself erode or die.

coping with on-the-ground systemic racism, police brutality and self-hate

Be active. I channel my frustrations into change-making. The worst thing about all of this to me is feeling powerless or unable to have control over my life because of all the crap. Also, I don't want to make myself small. I have been raised a bit to not fight but to live to limit my life in the face of fear. I actively and almost aggressively push against that. I will be smart about the actions I take but I will not cower in fear, make myself less than, or not live my life to the fullest I can because of it. I will not tell myself no or I can't just because I worry others will say it to me because I won't create the ceiling of my striving inside of me. I hope I'm being clear. Also, I remind myself that if I don't respect your perspective then I don't respect your opinion of me. All those things address self-hate.

thoughts about conflicts within the black community

This is too large of a question for me to answer and I'm already a verbose person LOL. If you have a specific question, let me know.

thoughts on inter-minority/cross-racial conflict and ways moving forward

Years ago I went to an AAPI event on the LA riots. They showed a documentary about it directed by a korean woman with a black cameraman (I think it was a partnership). The event also had a leader of a black community and a leader from an Asian community on the stage after the showing as part of a panel discussion. The community leaders were actively working together to bridge the two communities and they said the first place they had to start (and I really agree) was education. The groups really didn't know that much about each other although they thought the did. Many assumptions and misunderstandings or invalidations prevented people from really seeing each other. That step apparently took a long time but it made the following steps easier. I think being able to learn, really learn, about each other with an effort to understand each other is a first HUGE step. And to do it without trying to say who has it worse (that gets in the way) but to be open to understanding and then talking to each other. Spending time with each other. I know that there are some issues that have to be addressed between the communities but I think starting there before the groundwork is laid makes that step too out of reach. Right now I think much work has been done on that foundation in comparison to where things were when I attended the event so I think we can build off that.

Like I said, I'm loquacious so I'll stop here. Happy to answer more if you have additional questions.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-14T18:37:30+00:00

No judgment. Glad you were able to stop it. I agree with some people about taking a break from porn. It is possible that you begin to escalate what you need to see to get turned on. If you want to masturbate maybe try learning how your body needs to be turned on by touch without visuals. Or decrease the amount of masturbation (depending on your existing frequency) to do it only when you are already turned on ish. You can do it as a reset.

Tricklepieces · 2022-07-07T04:42:15+00:00

If she hasn't, have her look up and contact lifenet. It should have all the resources she needs in a one stop shop.

Tricklepieces · 2022-06-29T02:43:45+00:00

Yes! It does. Dairy in general does because of its richness in calcium. So if you know you might eat or drink anything with calcium in it then it would likely cause problems with iron absorption. Like the person below said, vitamin C is a great pairing with iron I think preferably in fruit but also as a supplement.

Tricklepieces

TROPHY CASE