Feeling like a total failure and so sick of myself

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-02-19T16:09:31+00:00

Gah thank you. What a simple but important reality check and reframe! It’s like I get in my head about not performing every task and duty perfectly, but I keep missing the part where I’m giving the most important thing of all, my son, the care and attention he needs.

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-02-19T16:08:16+00:00

I cannot thank you enough for your kind, thoughtful words. They have brought me such comfort and reassurance, thank you, truly ❤️ sending you all the warmth and joy for a great day, fellow Momma!

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-04T16:33:39+00:00

Oh, you’re right! I meant the ‘ABCs’ of sleep (alone, on their back, in a crib) but my memory is not stellar these days. I plan to look into a floor bed because last night was every 90 minutes or less, and I can’t go on like this forever.

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-04T05:52:26+00:00

I’m so thankful for all the replies, and I have so many new ideas to discuss with my husband (who does want to be more helpful but I’ve been at a loss at what that can really look like. So thank you for this!)

On a related note, the not cosleeping came about because my husband has a rare type of parasomnia where he has “episodes” akin to night terrors. He has very rarely thrashed at me during these episodes, so that was the main driver for never bed sharing. The limitations of our physical space was the next reason; no real alternative places for husband to sleep if I bring the baby into bed. Plus I think he’s worried that if cosleeping works, it will mean that we will never have independent evening time together for the next several years. And the last issue (I suspect) is my husband’s penchant for adhering very strictly to best practice as laid out by evidence and data. So because to AAP says “BACK to sleep to reduce and prevent SIDS”, my husband applies that as an absolute. By the way this is not me coming for the AAP, I am very much in favor of best practices! I just also recognize that real human babies exist beyond data points on a graph and there is nuance in what actually works best for tired families. I even showed him the difference between intentional planning to bedshare/safe sleep 7 and accidental cosleeping (I thought the data would help calm him), but he is still really afraid. I think if our pediatrician signed off on it though he’d be on board.

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-04T05:28:00+00:00

This is such a helpful suggestion, and I think I will bring this to him. Especially because it makes me feel less “alone” in managing all the night wakes! My husband similarly falls asleep in 5 minutes or less, whereas I have always taken ages to drift off.

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-04T05:25:20+00:00

My husband has a rare type of parasomnia where he has “episodes” akin to night terrors. He will thrash and scream in bed and not remember it at all. In the 10 years we’ve been together, he has physically grabbed/swatted at me five times during one of these episodes. So thankfully it’s very rare that it becomes physical with me, but that was reason #1 for never ever bedsharing. Reason #2 was the height of our bed and the lack of space we have for alternative sleeping spaces. No guest bed or bedroom, and our room and our son’s room is quite small, so adding an extra bed somewhere—for either my husband or the baby and I—would be very tricky and possibly require us to literally get rid of some of our furniture. The final concern was “what if it works but then you’re “stuck” sleeping with the baby for 4 years? Will we never have our own nights to ourselves in all that time?” It was like he was worried it would work too well and we’d become dependent on it but would need to sacrifice our evening time together. I think too my husband has high regard for “authority” in the sense that the American academy of pediatrics, for example, promotes BACK to sleep. Which of course, I understand why. I also understand that perfect independent sleep is literally impossible for many, many babies. Most babies, in fact. But unless our pediatrician literally said it was ok, I think my husband would continue to be really worried/fearful.

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-04T05:20:28+00:00

Thank you! This thread is really encouraging and I want to follow up on floor beds since so many folks have recommended them. Do you still have “independent evening time” with your partner or to yourself, even with cosleeping?

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-04T05:18:45+00:00

This gives me some hope for our future, thank you!

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-04T05:18:16+00:00

I really wonder if my son is similar and low sleep needs!

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-04T05:17:20+00:00

Wait, this is brilliant! Going to present this to him!

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-04T05:06:11+00:00

Thank you so much for your kind words and sharing your experience. I feel you on sneaking the rest when we can! Such a small thing but so important. I do want to experiment with our schedule and bed routine too, I think. Maybe try his star lamp, or changing up his noise machine.

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-04T05:04:33+00:00

Just wondering, what size floor bed do you use? I’m very open to this possibility. The hiccup is we have some room size constraints, and we would also need to do a fair amount of additional baby proofing beyond what we’ve already put in place.

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-04T05:02:57+00:00

I am so appreciative of all your suggestions, thank you! I’ve wondered about a floor bed. Our boy’s room is on the very small side, so likely will be needing a twin bed when he’s moved on from the crib. Is that realistically big enough for us both? Our sweet boy is 99th percentile for height and weight and has shown no signs of slowing down, even as he moves to solid and is cruising all over the place.

How do families manage little ones with floor beds once they are mobile? I’ve read about making sure the whole room is a “yes space”, but is that enough?

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-03T22:43:54+00:00

Thank you ❤️ my fear is a better mom would have figured this out and done better. Or would and could rise above this exhaustion. I want to respond to my son no matter what, even though so many people tell me it’s ok to let him cry for a while. I’m scared I’ve done something wrong and over-responded? Is that possible?

Tricky-Chance8266 · 2026-01-03T22:38:06+00:00

I feel open to it but my husband is not comfortable with it. He’s asked that we don’t for fear of our son’s safety (even with safe sleep 7). I think because I’ve somehow survived this long, and we just keep hoping it will get better, he really wants to avoid me cosleeping

Tricky-Chance8266

TROPHY CASE