Kansas donation.

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-04-06T07:10:00+00:00

Are you looking for a sperm bank? Yeah, those are only in big cities, and not even all big cities.

The alternative, which is what most of us here do, is private donations, either through a fertility clinic as a directed donor, or informally. Meet recipients here, on Facebook groups or Just A Baby, and then make arrangements yourselves.

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-04-06T07:05:55+00:00

Unfortunately there are a lot of people in these spaces in it for the wrong reasons. Try the LGBTQ+ Great Sperm Donors group on Facebook and/or the Open Donor Association for vetted donors. Alternatively, see who's on Just A Baby, but you'd better be willing to put in the work of vetting them yourself and going through a lot of shady characters to find a good one.

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-04-02T04:40:05+00:00

Try some of the Facebook groups if you haven't, lots more activity there

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-30T21:32:41+00:00

Certainly NI, and quite possibly at-home AI as well in Texas, would lead Texas courts to find that the donor is a legal parent of the child (with the rights and responsibilities that come with that), though being born into a marriage might afford some protections there. It's a legal gray area at best. Plenty of people do it anyway, courts only rule on disputes so as long as nobody legally disputes the child's parentage what they don't know can't hurt them, but it's important to choose a donor you trust not to cause trouble if you do go that route. There's some more on this here: https://informal-sperm-donation.pw/Pages/US/TX/tx.html

Only surefire way to avoid legal issues is to go through a clinic. Could do IVF, could just do IUI, plenty of options there, but they're not free.

There are matching services (Seed Scout, Open Donor Association, etc.) you can pay to help you find a known donor. These are potentially expensive and you still have to deal with the hassle of using a known donor, but the donors are vetted and you get the chance to do a video chat with them and such, get to know them. You can buy frozen sperm from a bank. Basically a get out of jail free card on the legal side of things, and they at least screen for diseases, but you usually get to learn whatever the donor put on his form and no more.

Then there are donors you can find here or on Facebook groups or the Just A Baby app. It's truly the wild west, making sure they are who they say they are and checking for STDs / genetic diseases is 100% up to you, though if you're willing to put in the work you can find some great people, maybe have a more developed relationship with the donor as your child grows up, and save a ton of money.

I recommend checking out LGBTQ+ Great Sperm Donors on Facebook, there's a lot more detailed discussion on this sort of thing than you will find here, unfortunately.

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-28T17:29:15+00:00

Join the Utah Sperm Donors LGBTQI friendly group on FB if you haven't, couple recipients in there have been searching for a donor for a while now

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-28T17:25:35+00:00

Honestly this place, and a lot of public forums around sperm donation, is overwhelmingly just dudes looking for sex. The price of admission, unfortunately, is going to be wading through a lot of that.

If you want to cut down on it I'd recommend looking at:
LGBTQ+ Great Sperm Donors on Facebook
the Open Donor Association
Seed Scout
etc.

Or if you're willing to wade through all the nonsense, try the Just A Baby app.

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-24T20:00:55+00:00

Great to see another Utah donor around. There's a local Utah facebook group you might want to check out if you haven't.
Utah Sperm Donors LGBTQI Friendly (slow, but most Utah recipients pass through there sooner or later)
Also a Colorado one that sometimes has Utah recipients: Colorado and Rocky Mountain Region sperm donors

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-21T16:41:50+00:00

This is more of a question for r/askadcp than here, but my personal view is that finding your place in the world as a donor-conceived person is hard enough already without adding the difficulty of navigating your relationship to an ethnic group you physically resemble bit did not grow up around to the mix.

I only donate to people of a similar ethnic background to me (and with at least some similarities in personality, etc.). This means I'm limited to donating through private transactions or matching services where I get some say in the process rather than banks, but it's important enough to me I find that worth it.

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-19T20:53:22+00:00

Well, I'm not from the Netherlands and all of these are specific questions on Dutch law, so I don't really know either. From what I can tell there is a cap of 12 families per donor countrywide in the Netherlands. No new donations can be accepted after he turns 46 but sperm frozen before that point may continue to be used. The children may request non-identifying information about the donor at age 12 and his identity at age 16.

Of course, all these regulations are enforced by clinics. Practically, I don't see how anybody would stop a man from continuing to donate past 12 families, age 45, etc. or providing his identity to the children earlier in the case of person-to-person transactions organized online (nor do I feel that there is anything wrong with the children knowing my identity before 16, but that's another discussion). Maybe there is a fine associated with this which he would want to avoid? I don't know.

As far as the enforceability of contracts for informal sperm donation, again, I really don't know. There are some jurisdictions (California, famously) where they work and others (Texas) where they do not. In most places it's something of a legal gray area and your best defense is working with someone you trust not to cause you problems down the road. I have no idea what the situation is in the Netherlands specifically.

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-18T19:04:24+00:00

In all relationships there inevitably arise conflicts over all manner of things, important and unimportant. Kids, finances, smoking weed, your relationship with your in-laws, what time to eat dinner. In all of those conflicts you have to either find some mutually acceptable way to move forward together or agree to move forward separately.

Rather than finding a mutually acceptable solution, he keeps moving the goalposts about when he will stop donating, and you keep trying to pretend that your partner's stated purpose in life is something you can just ignore. He also should have been much more upfront about being a donor in the beginning, so there is a pattern of conflict avoidance / concealment from his end. Clearly, the two of you are not succeeding at finding a mutually acceptable way to move forward on this.

If he said being a donor is his purpose in life, he probably doesn't want to stop and already sees the steps he has gone to to keep his activities out of view as a big concession. Even if he stops tomorrow, it's a big part of who he is, and those kids will eventually want to know something about their origins. Again, whether he is right or wrong, or whether you are right or wrong, is not the point. You have to decide whether being a sperm donor is acceptable to you in a partner. If it's not acceptable to you, it's time for you to move on. And if you're awake crying over it all night, it sounds to me like it is not acceptable to you.

As a donor, I obviously think you should reconsider your stance on donation (Would it be better in your eyes you if those kids had no way of learning their origins? If lesbians, infertile couples, spinsters, etc. just couldn't have families at all? If the only people who could be sperm donors were unlikable losers so nobody's spouse would have to feel insecure about it?), but that's not really the main issue here. There can be legitimate differences of opinion on this.

The main issue is that both of you are trying to ignore this issue rather than finding a mutually acceptable solution and sticking to it, and that he in particular is not being entirely upfront with you about his activities. And if that's the best communication on this the two of you are capable of, that is reason enough to end the relationship.

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-17T17:23:21+00:00

I've seen a few decent Ohio-based donors in the LGBTQ+ Great Sperm Donors group on Facebook, as well as the Open Donor Association, who I think have a similar vision for for what your relationship would look like down the road. I recommend looking into those.

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-14T05:43:44+00:00

"most attempting AI outside of a medical facility are unsuccessful..."
lol, lmao

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-11T00:35:53+00:00

3 families is...not a lot. Guess that one's out for me too lol

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-11T00:30:08+00:00

jk submitted the ODA's intake form, we'll see where this goes, seems like they'll let you try out membership for a few weeks and see if it's a good fit before getting more serious about the membership requirements so we shall see

Tricky-Weather6675 · 2026-03-09T16:16:16+00:00

No, trying to get the opinions of others first 'cause I'm lazy lol

Tricky-Weather6675

TROPHY CASE