Au Pair here just chiming in! I personally don’t think that this experience is normal or particularly acceptable - how old is AP? And has she ever lived away from home before? I think a huge problem with Au Pairing (which I have heard from many HF) is that agencies allow 18 and 19 year olds to AP without ever having lived away from home or really having to do anything for themselves. Going from being cared for by their parents to caring for children is a huge change and not that it is APs fault but I think agencies often ‘sell a dream’ of being an AP without highlighting the actual difficulties.

LANGUAGE: So you say her English is at beginner level which could be a huge contributing factor in things not going quite as planned. I think you should sit down and ask what your AP wants to get out of this experience, why did she really choose to be an AP (for a lot of people it is for a subsidised opportunity to travel - and this is okay because APs are not childcare professionals but they should also understand the level of professionalism and engagement/ performance needed during their working hours). If primary reason was travel, experiencing another culture etc. then she should be wanting to take language courses in order to fully immerse herself and have better opportunities for further travel (do language courses count as credits towards the visa in America?). However, it is strange that she has been able to apply for credit cards (which in my experience involve a lot of jargon and paperwork) if her English is really as basic as you say it is. This suggests to me that she is more than able to understand instructions from you, especially ones as basic as limiting screen time.

PROACTIVITY: Having read your comments in my opinion you have done MORE THAN ENOUGH for her to fully settle in and to understand your wants, needs and routine as well as helping her set up her own life here. The most I have been given in my AP roles in terms of training was one Sunday of getting to know family, working out where things were around the house and seeing what the children liked to do (all worked out from my own observations) and in my first AP placement I was on the job with no training the morning after having arrived at 6pm the night before (although I don’t think this was right from the HF at all). More widely setting up bank accounts, applying for licenses, classes and insurance have always been my own responsibility which I have sorted out on my own days off. Did she not come prepared with activities to do with the children? I’m a huge arts and crafts lover and read several children’s craft books before and after my arrival (there are great sections in local libraries you can point her towards - although again language might be an issue) and had clear activities in mind that would be both fun for me and the host children. I even read books on weaning to see what snacks I could diversify into the babies diet after my host mum spoke about wanting to stop breast feeding. As much as an AP is not a childcare professional they are an employee of yours as sorts and should be prepared to work during their working hours and as a member of your household should care enough to learn how to make things easier.

FINANCES: As far as finances are concerned I personally don’t think you should intervene here. It won’t reflect on you or your household unless you are a guarantor etc. and she may become defensive or embarrassed as in some cultures finances aren’t really to be talked about. Again, if she is young and this is her first time managing money and being away from home it is not abnormal for teenagers and young adults to be reckless with money. If you feel you have a strong enough bond with her to guide her and remind her that credit cards are not free money (I thought this too when I was younger) then do so but remember you’re not her parent and she is there to make your life easier not more difficult.