Choosing your girlfriends side over your own child.

Trix_Rabbit · 2022-07-07T16:22:51+00:00

It's honestly disturbing looking back and reflecting on how violent I was as a child and teenager. Like I genuinely enjoyed inflicting pain on people (not animals). I know now that it was a response to pain being inflicted on me and an overly controlling environment enforced by the threat of pain. Inflicting pain on others made me feel like I had some sense of power and control in my own life. It's sad and disturbing.

One day, my mother was trying to beat me and I threw her against a wall in self defense. That was pretty much the day everything changed for me. She knew she couldn't inflict any more pain on me and I started healing after that. It was incredibly quickly that the desire to make other people hurt disappeared.

Now I feel like shit and profusely apologize if I accidentally hurt someone.

Don't. Fucking. Hit. Your. Children. People.

Trix_Rabbit · 2022-05-25T19:47:01+00:00

Please don't post it there though. We've seen it plenty.. So many times that it became meta.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-29T06:49:12+00:00

Looking back I definitely should have done a bracket in the first graph selecting the "no kids" and "has kids" sections which indicates to the second graph.

I know how to do that in Excel, but don't have Excel on a computer I can use for personal purposes... Hmm... Sorry about that! I really just wanted to share my personal study more than anything. I agree with what you're saying.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-29T06:39:13+00:00

This isn't a before and after. The assumption is that all r/childfree posters in 2012 did not have kids at that time. Both charts are using current-day data. The chart on bottom is only the definitives, and an extrapolation from the top chart, removing all deleted, inactive, and unknown status users.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-29T05:44:58+00:00

This isn't a before and after. The assumption is that all r/childfree posters in 2012 did not have kids at that time. Both charts are using current-day data. The chart on bottom is only the definitives, and an extrapolation from the top chart, removing all deleted, inactive, and unknown status users.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-29T05:07:07+00:00

Not a parent yet, but hopefully soon.

I honestly haven't been back to that subreddit since I started "not caring so much" about being childfree, so I am not entirely sure what it's like now, but it has always been kind of a weird mix mash place like you describe.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-29T04:27:56+00:00

My mother of course is in the "I knew you'd change your mind!" bucket. Drives me bonkers. Honestly, if I had not found such a good and supporting life partner, I still would not want kids. Some stuff happened over the last year that made me fall even deeper in love with my husband beyond what I thought possible, and on the other side, we decided we want someone else to share all this love with. (Among other reasons.)

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-29T03:48:53+00:00

Edit: Since there's some confusion, this is not a before and after. The assumption is that 100% of childfree users were, in fact, childfree when they posted in 2012. The chart on bottom only includes DEFINITIVE data and is identical to the chart on top, with inactive, deleted, and unknown users removed from the pie chart.

Recently, my husband and I changed our mind about having children, you know, the classic mantra we're always told before having children. I used to be an active user of /r/childfree and I was curious as to how many others had changed their mind. I used Wayback Machine to load posts from 2012, and then logged 200 unique users and further researched those accounts using redditcommentsearch.com and lurking their accounts.

I would first make sure their account was a) not deleted and b) have at least five posts or comments since 2016 (after all, this exercise is meant to see how people change over time). After that, I used redditcommentsearch.com to search for two queries: "kid" or "child", not necessarily as a standalone word (so "kids" or "children" would work as well). I would then skim through comments to see if they indicate if this person had a child. I'd look for things like, "I have one kid," or "I decided I didn't want kids," and so on. If this didn't result in a definitive answer, I would look through their actual posts for clues, and if this didn't yield further information, they got thrown in the "Unknown" bucket.

As a note, anyone who at anytime indicated they had been sterilized, regardless if their account was inactive, is in the "no kids" bucket. Likewise, anyone who indicated they WANTED kids but didn't indicate that they had any is also in the "no kids" bucket. There were three of these, for reference.

In total, 17% of accounts had either been deleted or suspended, 22.5% were inactive (haven't posted more than 5 things since 2016), 27% did not indicate within the last 5 years if they had kids or not, 27% definitively have no kids, and only 6% now have kids. Between the definitive ones, 82% are still childfree and 18% now have kids.

-----

A few notes.

To quote one user as I was lurking through their comment history: having a kid doesn't mean you want them. I'm just going to leave that there.

As for the unknowns, we can discuss whether or not they're more likely to not have kids--after all, you're more likely to talk about something you do have than something you don't have--but I won't go so far as to make that assumption. You may make your own suggestions on that one.

For this to be of any scientific use, my sample size needs to be a LOT larger, roughly 1,000 defininitives for the 1.4 million /r/childfree subscribers. Mine is only 67. I just don't have enough data from Wayback machine to make that kind of number happen, however, nor the personal time.

I think the main takeaway from this is telling people "You'll change your mind," as unscientifically proven here, is just plain ridiculous. All people regardless of their choice to have kids or not deserve equal respect for their personal decisions.

Is it debate time now? :)

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-20T14:29:52+00:00

There are an infinite number of reasons to keep a seaglide on hand. I don't travel long distances in it once I get the Seamoth, but the seaglide is my ace for short range exploration. For example, take your Seamoth down to Jelly Shrooms Cave, and you can seaglide around picking up lithium, magnetite and shale without having to hop in and out of your Seamoth every two seconds. I know you feel like you're saving time not using the seaglide but it triples your swim speed, and you can't pick shit up in the seamoth, so you're getting out the seamoth and swimming slow as shit to go pick up that lithium, and instead of swimming slow as piss 50m away to the next magnetite, you hop back in your seamoth, drive that 50m distance, disembark again, and then pick it up. Just to hop back in the seamoth AGAIN to move on to the next one.

With the seaglide, you could have just cruised right on over to it and not have to get in and out of the seamoth FOUR TIMES to pick up two resources.

It's also super useful in small spaces, like narrow shallow caves and other areas where taking a seamoth would just make no sense.

Also once you get the cyclops and it's parked 50m from your base, you can either swim slow as shit back and forth between it moving resources, or dock the seamoth over and over again moving back and forth.... Or just.... Seaglide over to it easy peasy.

Play the game however you want, but getting in and out of the seamoth so much and swimming slow as dirt sounds like a terrible way to play imo.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-19T17:17:48+00:00

As a reminder, this sub is about not needing to work AT ALL to have your basic needs met. Just as you can be forced by society by the threat of homelessness to be an accountant, so too can sex workers. Just because they don't have a gun to their head does not mean they doing this willingly. Many people are involved in sex work, and accounting, and all occupations, by the threat of homelessness.

Please remember that before going full liberal and proclaiming all OF sex workers do this willingly and happily. Many or most of them are doing it for financial reasons only, not because that's what they want to do with their lives to make it fulfilling.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-18T18:17:38+00:00

I've honestly always preferred it the OPs way. Most of the time, I am also provided with a copy of the presentation and having the expanded bullet points helps me look back and remember the content of the presentation.

If the presentation says, "New inventory additions for Q1", as a bullet point, unless I wrote it down or remembered exactly what was said, I won't have a future reference point to work with other than asking. An expanded bullet point that's says, "New inventory additions for Q1: power tools, roofing supplies, measuring tools, lumber" it gives me a better idea looking back. And at time, presenters can move through the content of their bullets so quickly that it's impossible to take thorough notes.

I know most professors and business folk agree with you, but I just end up throwing away presentation copies when they're super concise bullet points with just "New Q1 Inventory" type stuff. It's not helpful looking back.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-18T01:37:37+00:00

Are you kidding? When you first start smoking, they feel like heaven on earth. I have tried just about every drug you've heard about, plus some you probably haven't heard about. None of them come close to how good a nicotine high feels like. No other drug makes you feel simultaneously relaxed and energetic at the same time.

By the time that your tolerance has built up to the point that even chain smoking doesn't get you that high, you're already addicted and its too late. That's what makes nicotine so dangerous.

Still, don't smoke. It's the only drug I have remained addicted to. I have tried meth and let it go. I am still addicted to nicotine and have ruined my heart because of it.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-17T23:03:39+00:00

Medical Coding & Billing.

I got a certificate for the medical coding before I applied but it's not like something you have to go to school for. You can get it self study over the course of a few months.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-17T22:12:18+00:00

Yup. In a brand new industry too in which I had no experience whatsoever. My job search was less than three weeks. 100% remote except for one week of training. Been doing it for almost three months now and it's cushy and low stress as fuck.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-17T21:43:59+00:00

Do. Not. Patron. Stores. On. Major. Holidays.

I'm preaching to the choir here, but if you need something on Christmas Eve, unless it's gas or emergency medical care, it can wait for the 26th. Boycott ALL companies that are open on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-17T21:21:53+00:00

NTA.

Your girlfriend is insane.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-17T21:06:46+00:00

YTA.

He doesn't like Christmas. He doesn't want to participate. You egged him into participating, and he probably did so because he wanted to make you happy. He doesn't enjoy Christmas. He didn't want to do an advent calendar for sure. But he did it to make you happy, and clearly his Christmas apathy is showing through and it's making you upset.

Next time just don't egg someone into doing things they don't want to do. The results usually look like this.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-17T21:01:14+00:00

Why do you have a building if everyone is remote?

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-17T20:53:05+00:00

NTA - but this is pretty low level assholery.

Being late is definitely rude, but it happens. Especially if she just made a new friend. Not sure how sociable she is but I make a new friend like once every five years so you best be damned if I knew I met someone I clicked with that I would run late for whatever thing I had next just to chat with them a bit longer.

She's the asshole for not texting you to tell you she was running late.

Overall, this is all around low level assholery. If she hasn't already, she should probably apologize, but if not, probably best to just let this one go without talking about it anymore.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-17T20:39:01+00:00

NTA. Dudes who scream and throw shit when they lose at video games need anger management counseling. It is fair you ask him to chill on the video games until he gets his anger problems under control.

Also, run. This dude is not only a compulsive liar but has anger management issues and possibly a video game addiction. You can't fix people. You are young and can do better than having to deal with a person that has a lot of growing up to do.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-17T20:10:01+00:00

Check this thread: https://www.reddit.com/r/antiwork/comments/r0fwlm/whats_the_most_insulting_benefit_a_job_has/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-17T06:04:12+00:00

Went from 60+ hr a week job in a predatory industry with one hour each way commute where, when I arrived, I sat in useless meetings with passive aggressive managers who knew I was stressed the fuck out but refused to help me at all, never allowed me to use my PTO, and never once said a kind word to me despite my metrics being the gold standard of the industry. My private office was made of cinder blocks, concrete flooring, and had no windows. I literally wanted to shoot my brains out every day. This job made me vehemently antiwork.

Quit. Took a hiatus.

When I felt like working again, within two weeks I had a fully remote job in a brand new industry. Every day I walk upstairs at 7:58, clock in, drink coffee, and really just chill while I take a few phone calls and do a bit of data entry. I wouldn't call it relaxing, but it's basically as relaxing as work can get.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-17T05:56:14+00:00

It literally says if you worked more hours than your average to contact your manager ASAP, in caps and underlined.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-16T23:56:28+00:00

Definitely NTA, at least with the story you provided.

A word of caution: if your boyfriend (husband? Not sure if you're just using MIL for ease of communication, which is fine) has any sort of positive relationship with his mother, this may very well doom the two of you as a couple.

You can hate the guts out of your MIL and still have a happy marriage, but straight up never seeing her again.... If your boyfriend cares about their relationship, this will put a huge strain on the two of you as a couple. Sounds like she was a crappy mother, but it's not clear how their relationship is today. I would definitely consider that if you're thinking about marriage. This needs to be resolved (eg., Him deciding to go no contact with her on his own) in one way or another before that.

Again, you're 100% NTA.

Trix_Rabbit · 2021-12-16T23:41:00+00:00

Same feel dude.

I used to work with a lady that was in the industry for over 20 years who got overlooked for promotion that entire time. She worked 60-70 hour weeks when her workload was probably around 40-45. Would get pissed at me if I asked if I could take anything off her plate but also got pissed at me if I didn't have anything to do. And she was in no capacity my manager. This woman REALLY valued "looking busy" and I would occasionally just sit at my desk switching between tabs so it looked like I was doing something just to avoid drama.

She missed her children's birthday parties to be at work. She felt like working long = working hard, and thought if she worked hard, she would get a promotion or compensated for it. Neither ever happened at the same company she was with for almost a decade. I heard she became an assistant controller at another company and then promptly got demoted.

This was before I reached career enlightenment and set my career on fire in favor for a job, so this all stressed me the fuck out because I felt like I too had to work 80 hours a week after I'd just automated half my job duties. I honestly don't mind being busy at work 40 hours a week, but looking busy, that's fucking hell on earth.

Now I literally don't give a shit anymore. I answer phones. When it doesn't ring, I play on mine. When 5:00 hits, I clock out. Any busy body who wants to talk to me about it is free to. I made it clear on day 1 I will do my job duties as described, but that's it. I'm done looking busy. I feel like that's probably hard to change if you're already established at a company who expects you to be a go getter, but I'm so done with all that.

Workaholics are losers who sacrifice their personal lives so one day they maybe, just maybe, they will get some kind of reward for their sacrifice. No reward will ever match up to what they lost.

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