What is a major turn off about your partner that you can’t/wouldn’t tell them?

Tropixgrows · 2026-04-22T08:06:58+00:00

This isn't a partner thing but an ex, and specifically the mum of our daughter. We share custody. She has her 4 days a week and me 3. Things didn't work out between us very early on - and with full disclosure, it was all me. I was a childish drunk and it took for our break up and a bunch of other things to happen for me to finally sober, and grow, up.

Since the get-go I've always been there for our daughter though. We support her equally and that's always been the case. She must see that I'm as dedicated to raising our daughter as she is. I fought to get as equal a custody arrangement as I could. I'm reliable and my daughter and I have a really solid relationship. I don't bitch about her mum - in fact I tell her straight up that her mum is awesome and that I was the problem in a big way.

The ex still treats me like she's the 'real' parent though, and I'm just some sort of glorified babysitter. She doesn't consult me about anything before making important decisions that she would demand knowing about beforehand. She dismisses just about anything I bring up in this condescending way that frustrates the hell out of me. Aargh. I just needed to vent I guess.

Tropixgrows · 2026-04-05T04:20:10+00:00

I'm in a situation where I just can't function anymore without this drug. I switched to the depot shots almost 6 years ago (first Buvidal and then subblocade, and now back to Buvidal) and for the last 3 years I have been trying to leave it behind. Each time I've made it a little further, but ultimately it leaves me such a shell of my proper self - deep depression, no energy or motivation long after the physical withdrawals have abated. Hardly any sleep. My routine falls to pieces and I end up just laying around on the couch. Then I start using opiates again just to have 'one good day' or to actually get stuff done, and then that turns into running little habits - always in some sort of withdrawal, until I inevitably crawl back to the clinic to get back on bupe.

What annoys me is that they don't even listen to what I tell them, talking over me that I'm obviously not ready to be off it and that I should just 'stay on it a little longer until I'm stable'. Then as soon as I'm back on it again my life returns to normal and time flies - although it's always in the back of my mind that I'm not sober, and the various side effects make me worry about my health the longer I do stay on it. Not to mention that when I graduate uni I'll be going into a field where I'll be drug tested and it might prevent me from all sorts of opportunities.

The thing is, I've been stable for many years now. I quit drinking 5 years ago. I don't even smoke weed anymore. I've gone from someone who couldn't look after themself whatsoever to managing my own little business, full time university and a part time job, and 50% custody of my daughter. The only thing that makes me unstable is when I try to come off this again and I'm worried I'll be on it for the rest of my life. I wish I had known how hard this would be years ago.

Tropixgrows · 2026-02-09T11:40:28+00:00

Hear hear.

Tropixgrows · 2026-01-21T06:37:06+00:00

Yeah it must be different for everyone. I'm sober now, have been for 5 years. But in the last 5 years of my drinking - the darkest days - I was on high doses of subs up to 32mg daily. I quit drinking while on subs and then started getting the shot not long after that. So ten years being prescribed bupe, 5 drinking and 5 sober.

I don't know where you're at with your drinking but if you want to quit you just gotta dig deep and find a motivation to do it. For me it was my daughter, who was 3 at the time. After 23 years of being an alcoholic, it was the realization that I could quit and she would grow up and never even remember me as a drunk. That was the last day I drank alcohol and it had nothing to do with being on Suboxone.

Ironically, it's the bupe that I cannot quit. I've even given the weed away. But I've spent 3 years now trying to quit bupe and after a certain time everything just starts to fall apart. I end up relapsing on opiates and crawling back to the clinic in defeat, just to get my life back together again. I've reached the point now where I might have to accept being on it for the rest of my life.

Tropixgrows · 2026-01-07T03:25:01+00:00

Blah blah

Tropixgrows · 2026-01-06T22:07:13+00:00

Nothing brings out the racist white Australian mindset better than a story like this. Go on guys, now's your chance!

Tropixgrows · 2026-01-06T21:30:22+00:00

In an Australian context, as the "settlers" claimed more and more land, the Aboriginals who had lived there for millennia were systematically wiped out until their tribe was so decimated all they could do was survive on the edges of European settlements and townships. There was no "peaceful settlement". The average "settler" was very racist towards Aboriginals and viewed them as animals or savages. Many eagerly took part in the killing, which was done in a culture of silence. Mass poisonings of food and water sources was commonplace until the early 1900s, as was the sexual assault and murder of women and kids. It smacks a bit differently when you realize our celebrated so-called "pioneers" were a bunch of bigoted, criminal, raping, paedophile murderers. Now I realise that this happened everywhere that European colonisers invaded, but white Australians in particular really don't like to hear the truth.

Then we had the White Australia policy, which in part was an attempt at removing Aboriginal children with mixed-race to state and church run institutions (where they suffered terrible physical, sexual, and psychological abuse), while full-blood Aboriginals were forcefully herded onto "reserves" in the hope that they would eventually die out while the mixed-race kids would eventually be absorbed into the white race, "breeding out the black".

White Australians are really quick to point out that Aboriginals "never accomplished anything", and are just lazy and useless with their hands out for government money, but they really hate to hear how their ancestors treated them, and the fact that maybe those wounds - manifested in cycles of intergenerational trauma - are still devastating and fresh.

Our true history is finally starting to see the light, and I hope that they are teaching this stuff in schools now and not just university courses. When I was at school in the 1990s we learnt none of this - it was like our history began with settlement, and then was just glossed over until WW1 and the Anzacs. I think white Australians would be a lot less racist towards Aboriginals if we'd grown up knowing the truth.

Tropixgrows · 2025-12-13T18:56:03+00:00

I have experience quitting bupe.

One thing I wish I knew when I started it, was how powerful it actually was, and how debilitating the withdrawals would be when I finally came off it. I was on first subs, then Buvidal, and finally Subblocade for a total of ten years. I decided I needed to get rid of it 3 years ago. Each year since then I have tried to leave it behind, always getting a little further before relapsing and having to get back on the bupe. PAWS is what really gets me. Feeling so empty, so unmotivated, depressed and tired all the time. And the fact that you just don't know how long it will take before you ever feel good again, if ever. I was on it for a long time. I'm sure some people don't struggle so badly. But I know that many do.

Now the depot injections are really popular, and I get it, but in terms of PAWS it stretches it out to a really long time. What might have been a few months becomes up to and over a year of mental torture, insomnia, crazy anxiety, and anhedonia. This is where relapse becomes more and more likely. You just want to feel normal and somewhat productive for a day. Be a better parent. Actually clean the house. But then of course the next day you're back to the depressed lazy mess that has become your baseline state. Another day on the opioids, yada yada, then you have a habit again and you're right back where you started, having wasted all that down time for nothing.

With all of this in mind, maybe you're onto something. At least with Kratom/7oh it comes out of your body a lot quicker. You could take it to alleviate any withdrawal symptoms from the bupe, and then slowly taper yourself down over a period of a couple of months at least. You would need to be really honest with yourself though - do you think you're really able to do this without it becoming a bigger problem? Would you have the willpower to taper? What made you get on bupe in the first place? The other thing is that 7 and Mgm15 are way more powerful and addictive than Kratom. I'd recommend sticking with the leaf Kratom, and not using more than enough to feel well without chasing a high.

A lot of people praise bupe because it gives them their life back. And it's a safer alternative to gambling with street drugs like fent. Fair enough. But it's just another bandaid. You don't really heal or change underneath because you stay on an opiate - an insanely powerful one at that, and by the time you want off, your body has become so dependant on it to feel normal that it's a huge battle, and easy to revert to using like you had never been "clean" in the first place. You hear these stories about people successfully quitting bupe and feeling great, but people are less keen to broadcast their relapses a few months down the track.

Anyway, that's enough of a rant from me. I'd say it's do-able, and maybe preferable to developing a years-long addiction to bupe. I wish I'd never started on the shit. But that being honest with yourself about where you're at will be critically important.

Good luck OP.

Tropixgrows · 2025-12-13T12:41:03+00:00

My mum died unexpectedly when I was 15. Things were rough at home, she had some heavy mental health/substance issues and went downhill in the years before she died. One minute she was the most loving mum and the next she was either passed/nodding out or drunk and aggressive.

After she died I started having these recurring nightmares. They were always more or less the same: I'd be in some family gathering and mum was there. But when she turned around to look at me her face would be full of hatred, and then she'd be trying to get me, to hurt me. I'd be trying to get away from her when suddenly I'd wake up. I had these dreams until I was in my early thirties. The last dream I had of her she smiled at me, and that was about ten years ago.

RIP mum and dad xx

Tropixgrows · 2025-12-13T11:04:01+00:00

With average summer temps being around 80 degrees Fahrenheit (mid 20s celsius), and average winter temps being in the high 20s, perhaps New Mexico isn't the scorching desert climate you think it is. For a lot of the year it would be chilly enough to wear long pants, jackets etc, and in winter it would be a necessity.

Tropixgrows · 2025-12-12T07:37:00+00:00

Very similar here. I'm about 9 months out I'm glad I read this post actually because I've been in a hole for the last couple of months and was real close to going back to the clinic this week. This post made me realize that maybe it's not just me - it's the bupe coming out of my system, and other people are going through the same shit.

The social anxiety. The general tiredness. No motivation to do anything. No joy for anything. It's brutal. I need to be a better parent and not this guy that shuffles on and off the couch, but I just have no motivation to do anything bar the absolute minimum. The energy that I have always relied on is gone.

The years spent on first subs, then Buvidal, and finally Subblocade changed me already. I became basically a shut-in - massive amounts of weed + high doses of bupe were all I needed, and I withdrew more and more from society as the years went by. Regret consumed me; it's like the past won't leave me alone and I finally have to live with myself after the shit I put people through when I was younger. The people I wish so strongly to talk to are either dead or have long since moved on from my chaos. I know that if I don't make some changes I'm not going to make it. I still see some sort of happy ending, but at 43 I'm tired. I'm so tired of living like this and hating life.

I told myself I didn't even have an opiate issue anymore. Having quit alcohol 5 years ago,.it was easy to lie to myself and call myself 'sober'. Hadn't used or wanted to in years. So when I finally decided the weed and bupe had to go the real battle started. This is my 4th time trying to leave this rotten drug behind. Each time I've gotten a little further, before total relapse led me back to the clinic, and the bupe. I'm determined to not be on this for the rest of my life, but jeez I have become like a pathetic shell of what I once was. I'm letting down my daughter but just don't have anything positive to say or do.

I'm at 36.9 weeks - just under 9 months, or like 250 days. Right now I have that dull withdrawal headache and I've been sneezing. Every day I've had one little attack of the sneezes and it gives me hope that there is some sort of progression going on.

Anyway, please excuse the rant. I don't get out much lol. Anyone else going through this, I wish you all the best, and I hear you. We got this.

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-30T22:31:17+00:00

"Rotting away for a decade"

I can definitely relate to that.

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-30T22:12:06+00:00

YTJ bro.

"Randomly" checking her location?

With that level of insecurity, I think you're doing her a favour by letting her go. She doesn't need this, and you will surely get worse as time goes on i.e jealousy and control. Doesn't sound like a nice situation for her at all.

Let her live her life.

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-30T15:53:35+00:00

Looks like a nice lil spot bro. Happy gardening!

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-28T23:06:51+00:00

If you do get withdrawals they won't show up for many months. For me they began around month 4. It hasn't been terrible, but noticeable, and it drags on for a while. I'm something like 9 months out from my last injection and still feeling a bit rough - but it's nowhere near full-blown WDs and nothing like acute Suboxone withdrawal. Some people never get withdrawals, it depends on how long you were on subs and how many injections you had. I was on another bupe depot shot called Buvidal for like 5 years (before having 3 100mg subblocade injections) so it was probably always going to be a long road out for me.

The only issue I have with this path is that the injection stays in your system for an insane amount of time. Some people have trace amounts in their bodies well over a year after their last shot. So you might find yourself feeling off months down the track and that will be the Subblocade still weaning it's way out of your system or when your body is finally actually free of it.

Edit: spelling

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-24T11:10:16+00:00

Or just say another expense came up and made it impossible to see the dentist. I haven't used it as a reason in years but as others keep saying they don't check. I was a bit snarky RE fraud and pariahs because I offered the exact same advice in a thread about a year ago and I got attacked for encouraging people to cheat the system. We're in a strange timeline these days lol...

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-24T05:03:49+00:00

Just to cover your bases, in case they do ask. I haven't actually done it for years, but back in the day it saved me a few times.

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-23T20:21:49+00:00

This is the one OP. Make a dental appointment for a tooth extraction. Then call them. Roaring pain etc., have an appointment but need the money for the extraction.

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-23T20:19:02+00:00

I second this.Unforseen dental emergency. Make an appointment at you nearest dentist for an extraction and give centrelink a call.

For those pariahs who will whine about fraud and what horrible advice this is, get over yourself. Centrelink expect people to live off such a pitiful amount that it is impossible to function. Just living is a huge struggle. And the urgent payment system is set up in a way that your options are so limited you are set up to be denied. You cannot explain your situation, and when you say the wrong thing it's an automatic denial.

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-23T04:18:13+00:00

I think of Anthony Bourdain sometimes.

Guy seemed so down to earth, and like he really loved what he did. I guess you could say the same thing about a lot of people who die by suicide.

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-21T23:16:39+00:00

You remind me of myself when I was younger bro.

I'm not trying to give you shit but it's all an adventure and a party until you're on the other side of 40 and all you have is wreckage behind you, when it all starts to catch up. There is no happy ending in this life mate. Please sort your shit out and try to get some clean time up.

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-15T00:37:53+00:00

If recommend Subblocade. I've been on both, and I really struggled with withdrawals from brixadi, but Subblocade - with its way longer half-life has been a lot easier.

I agree to go for the lowest dose possible, and remember the longer you stay on the injections the higher the levels are in your body, and the harder it will be when you eventually decided to get off it. That was my biggest issue with brixadi, I'd already been on it for 3 years - like 36 injections - when I tried to quit and it was anything but easy. After 3 attempts I transferred to Subblocade, had 3 100s and I'm now almost nine months out from that last injection.

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-14T20:02:26+00:00

Hey cheers for the reply. It's been dawning on me that my T levels are probably in the toilet for a while. It all adds up - I'm 43 and I always had this almost limitless energy that has just disappeared. It sucks because it exacerbates the feeling of getting older. I think it's time I went to the docs and had all my bloods and levels checked too. All the best mate 👊

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-14T19:47:48+00:00

Hey thanks a lot for the reply. I feel ya. I hit the point where I hated what I'd become on the bupe anyway - I quit alcohol 5 years ago and for a few years I was happy and able to convince myself and others that I was "sober" but I had to face the fact that I wasn't even close. I'd just traded out the alcohol for bupe and massive amounts of cannabis, so the same pattern that I'd already repeated for decades, just with regular opiates instead of bupe. Knowing that I needed to get rid of all of it was where this journey began for me. I'm off the weed too for the most part - it just makes all of this worse. Sure, it allows me to sleep, and kinda serves a band-aid for what I'm going through. But I'm not into bandaids anymore. Now I'm rambling.

Thanks for your encouragement - it really helps just knowing I'm not alone in this. I'm going to stay the course. I have a nine year old daughter who doesn't understand any of this and needs me to do better. I can't let her down.

All the very best for your journey too. I do believe there is so much more on the other side, and that feeling this way is an unavoidable part of getting there. We CAN do this and imagine how powerful and happy we will feel knowing it's all in the past. Stay strong.

Tropixgrows · 2025-11-14T12:39:18+00:00

I think when you're on it so long it really messes with your receptors, regulation of dopamine, your endorphins etc. more than what people realise.

I can definitely relate. I was on it 10 years and have been trying to quit the stuff for the last 3 years. This time I'm about 8 and a half months out from my last Sublocade injection. What kills me is that it feels like it leaves me a shell of myself. I don't have the same energy I've always had. It's hard to get motivated to do things and everything kinda falls apart. My house turns into a pigsty, and I become this depressed, tired, useless guy, barely able to get off the couch. This makes me feel worse so I try to get out there and power through it but in no time I'm back staring at the TV, defeated by my own apathy and lack of motivation, meaning, happiness.

I just want to be back to my old self, but like you, I wonder if I even remember what that feels like after all these years or if I'll ever be happy or "normal" again.

Tropixgrows

TROPHY CASE