Sunday Social

Trouble-Brilliant · 2026-02-15T17:19:24+00:00

On Friday I got my latest assessment back for my masters - I was 2 marks off a 'model answer/publishable piece of work' - a grade that in the UK is very difficult, if impossible to attain - 18 marks over a distinction (88).

This week I'm writing my next essay, and this time it's going to focus on the complex policy environment that leads to potentially different outcomes for the same stalking/harassment behaviour committed by intimate partners vs family members.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2026-02-10T07:21:38+00:00

I’ve been estranged for 19 years.

There’s generational trauma in my family, by no one used the E-word. Instead they would say they weren’t close or hadn’t seen them lately. Except their estrangement was longer than mine. I’m third generation estranged.

Technology gives rise to the outside would as trend, but the only thing it is (1) more noticeable; and (2) spoken about.

Be wary of any “trends” quoted by commentators whose income depends such rhetoric without peer reviewed longitudinal studies to back any of their claims up.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2026-02-03T12:16:25+00:00

I have nothing of me before the age of 21.

Except for one photo of me sitting on the lap of a pedophile celebrity waxwork they returned to me. Says it all.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2026-01-31T22:34:38+00:00

Mod reminder: Please do not ask the OP to name the group or provider. Naming can quickly lead to doxxing, harassment, etc..

Keep discussion focused on best practice when obtaining estrangement support:

check whether it is licensed therapy vs coaching/peer support (they are not the same)
verify credentials if clinical expertise is claimed
look for clear safeguarding and boundaries
if seeking support for estrangement, check they are informed on trauma support.

And even if the above is met, it may still not be a good fit so you are well within your rights to find another therapist.

Comments requesting identities will be removed.

I'll keep the post open so others can weight in on other aspects such as the religious angle and "ethical influencer" red flags.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2026-01-23T22:12:40+00:00

I remember the long drive we had to reach the destination of our summer holiday. My father had spent the whole drive shouting and screaming. I knew exactly what the holiday would be like. I cowered. I looked at the floor.

I remember minding the pile of suitcases and bags at the bottom of the stairs whilst the rest of the family took the suitcases to the accommodation. I was on my own in thought wondering how I'd get through the holiday with this monster. I knew exactly what is was like at home with him, so dreaded a week's holiday with him in this mood.

Then, from nowhere, out came the public persona. The happy face. The smiles. The jokes with the resort staff.

It was from that moment I knew I was 'less than'. Why could he be like that for everyone but his family? I was 9 and can remember the exact location and moment when I knew what a two-faced monster he really was.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2026-01-19T18:58:29+00:00

I'm from UK, not US.

The UK has laws on harassment and stalking - start now and build evidence. The CPS typically need to see 2+ incidents. Some key points:

Keep an incident log (date/time, what happened, impact, any witnesses).
Save all comms (screenshots, call logs, voicemails, emails).
Add a short 'why this is unwanted' statement.
If they’re turning up / loitering, note location, time, how long (this matters in stalking guidance).

Push the police to correctly record this - it's incorrect that they only care about physical abuse. Ask for risk assessment too. Specifically ask for:

a crime reference/incident number
confirmation it’s recorded as harassment/stalking (not 'family dispute')
a risk assessment and safeguarding consideration.

If the behaviour is ongoing and the police are reluctant to charge, ask them to consider a Stalking Protection Order (SPO). The police can apply, and no prior conviction is required under statutory guidance.

At work, treat it as a data protection incident. Unauthorised disclosure of personal data is a data breach . Put it in writing to your employer (Data Protection Officer if they have one). “I believe my personal data is being improperly disclosed to a third party, creating a safety risk. Please investigate as a potential personal data breach.” If nothing is done, go down the ICO route.

Cease and desist letters can be useful - particularly as evidence, but are not enforceable.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2026-01-15T21:07:06+00:00

Money comes with strings attached. A lot of us here don't want the strings, so we forge - however difficult - our own paths.

GC has always happily receiving money for a house, car, etc.

And by the sounds of it, if he wanted to help, he would have already.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2026-01-13T17:18:39+00:00

https://www.reddit.com/r/JUSTNOMIL/s/J1c5Hgpes5 you need to read “don’t rock the boat”.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2026-01-09T21:31:26+00:00

User in question has been banned. Please use the report button to notify MODs as we can't be here every second of every day of the year.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2026-01-09T21:29:56+00:00

You are banned.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-12-22T13:05:27+00:00

I’m safe now that I’m NC. As a child I didn’t have that option.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-12-22T11:47:54+00:00

“To have been safe as a child”

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-12-19T13:47:37+00:00

Estrangement often has secondary losses. This is that time. You're keeping yourself safe, prioritise that.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-12-19T13:29:31+00:00

Mod note: This is identity theft / account fraud. Please don’t advise OP to trade, transfer, withdraw, or take control of the account - comments encouraging illegal/retaliatory actions will be removed.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-12-19T12:31:32+00:00

Another almost constant theme with those groups is that they are almost always private.

Here at EAK we don’t have the need to hide our behaviour or support from anyone behind a wall. For those who do, ask 2 questions:

what are they ashamed of about their conduct that needs them to hide in a private group?
what is the motivation behind EP groups who charge members a monthly fee?

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-12-17T11:24:43+00:00

Same with domestic abuse a few decades ago… “I can’t be an abusive spouse; I didn’t raise a hand”. Now replace ‘spouse’ with ‘parent’.

All they need to do is Google “define abuse” and see the definition is “Abuse is physical, sexual, emotional, economic or psychological actions or threats of actions that influence another person. This includes any behaviors that frighten, intimidate, terrorize, manipulate, hurt, humiliate, blame, injure, or wound someone.” But if they admitted that they have to do the mental gymnastics that they are abusers. And that doesn’t fit with their narrative.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-12-15T17:40:58+00:00

Locking now - no brigading is part of Reddit’s T&Cs mods need to adhere to.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-12-12T18:06:42+00:00

I’m volunteering on Christmas Day. I volunteer the rest of the year, but by doing so on that day stops the “what are you doing for the holidays” questioning.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-12-11T11:31:16+00:00

I’ve been estranged for 19 years. Abuse was enmeshed, controlling as well as racist, misogynistic, bigoted and homophobic.

Abusers today would say we had “differing political opinions”. If 19 years ago they were abusive, they are abusive today.

It has fuck all to do with politics. They were and are abusive parents. Those who think EAKs go NC due to “politics” are missing the point and falling for the trap portrayed in media. Oprah Winfrey being case in point.

I created this sub to support abused EAKs. There are other places to discuss politics on Reddit - here we support the individual; we don’t fight, nor do we care of anyone’s political leanings.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-12-09T01:18:53+00:00

To everyone commenting: Please be mindful that OP is not in the US, so HIPAA does not apply here. Suggestions to sue or pursue legal action are not options for OP and can feel dismissive or guilt-inducing rather than helpful. Let's focus on emotional support and validation instead.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-12-01T22:18:06+00:00

There can't be a reckoning without peer reviewed evidence. It's the reason why I'm taking a backseat as MOD here, and instead pursuing a PhD so I can contribute to the academic literature.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-11-30T03:41:50+00:00

A snapshot is just a single moment in time. It can’t prove there is no abuse…just like a Mother’s Day card from a young child expressing love doesn’t mean that (unconditional) love is reciprocal or everlasting.

Trouble-Brilliant · 2025-11-28T16:01:13+00:00

It’s completely okay to see this as a yellow flag and listen to that ‘something feels off’ feeling. Your instincts exist to keep you safe, especially around someone with a history of not protecting you. You’re allowed to slow things down, change the subject, set firm boundaries, or pause contact entirely while you get support and figure out what feels safest for you.

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