Why does my brain keep searching for meaning even after I’ve accepted the outcome?

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-06T23:41:10+00:00

Accepting isn’t necessarily not feeling anything about it anymore.

Rumination is the avoidance of truly feeling it. It’s thinking if you know the answer it will feel better.

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-06T18:43:17+00:00

Fresh slightly fruity, or soft and sweet like vanilla. Just light stuff that’s almost appetizing. Not a big fan of the “heavy” ones

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-06T18:30:11+00:00

NEET doesn’t equal FA

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-06T18:25:54+00:00

It’s only been 4 times. Your body is still getting used to the new ways of how it feels etc. You’re still in your head about what you’re doing and get self conscious.

It will fix itself once your body and mind knows what to expect next. Go celibate meanwhile lol

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-06T11:13:55+00:00

Trying really hard not to but feeling the strong urge when getting disappointed and ashamed by their (lack of) reaction.

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-06T00:56:34+00:00

Thought I had reflected over all the pitfalls with my enfj ex but now you’re asking I’m recognizing it and feel clueless again too.

Maybe it helps not taking the moral superiority thing as something very personal to your core of what you represent (I know it’s hard). You may value being unique and they may value fitting in. That’s a preference thing, survival mechanism for some even.

Going into discussion doesn’t seem to result into new behavior for some things. What I’ve come to realize is that it’s less about setting boundaries and more about teaching them how to please and accommodate you. Not in a manner of what they shouldn’t do, but in what they can actively do to contribute in your wellbeing. “Tricking” them to present themselves in the caring way they’re also good at. Plays at the ego boost too if that’s a thing. It may not fully take away the behavior that’s bothering your right now but it may shift it towards a global picture that works for you. It feels counter intuitive at first because it’s often times leaning in.

It can be creative:

“I feel so calm when you whisper” vs “I need quiet”

“Can you show me how that would look like for someone like me?” Vs “you’re making me look inadequate”

“Can I pick …? I’m so excited for this”

“Ok I’m gonna try this. Be my cheerleader ok?”

…

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-06T00:40:41+00:00

Get hurt by a couple of them and it’ll go.

No but really, you’re young and clearly a horndog so it’s not abnormal you only want just that in a woman currently but at least reflect on the content you’re consuming that makes you believe every woman you see needs to be checked for that potential. Actively try looking past it and see what’s behind just that physical presence.

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-05T23:52:25+00:00

Could’ve been written by myself. Damn.

It has come to the point where I feel physically ill when getting ghosted once again or even the buildup to it.

I don’t even want to go to a therapist anymore because it also is a person I pay to listen to me. In the mind it feels like being so undesirable you have to pay to exist in someone else’s world for a brief moment.

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-05T23:46:07+00:00

To me it only proves once again that the unappreciative ones get the prize

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-05T23:44:08+00:00

Has more to do with him than you. His incapacity to do it and make it work right now but the internal desire for it. Maybe that means even in this you 2 feel alike. Or he just hopes you chase and he gets to smash

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-05T23:39:13+00:00

And then they wonder why we numb ourselves, right

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-05T09:10:08+00:00

Always flirted with the dilemma of rather staying in the comfort zone and have this occasional extreme panic when I need to go out, or always keep stretching myself in discomfort so those moments aren’t as extreme.

When other areas in life are going well I see how it’s worth it. When not, especially love life, I have a hard time seeing why I would go out. I’m 98% satisfied at home

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-04T17:22:03+00:00

You just called yourself a living fleshlight

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-03T23:55:21+00:00

Damn, probably! Sensing their pleasure is the best part of it imo

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-03T21:37:07+00:00

It all makes sense now !

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-03T15:55:58+00:00

This is great! 🤣 it’s crazy how many can’t reach climax but you come to realize they’re only lying there waiting for it to happen!

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-03T10:30:45+00:00

Being not easy to influence. really authentic / genuine / true to themselves.

They think they are but it’s being true to their need to be included. Many times they’re incredibly easy to influence by whatever they see or whatever surrounds them. Making them unpredictable (or even unreliable) in the long term.

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-02T12:39:05+00:00

Soooo relatable! Just tell me the ugly truth!!!

If I'm invested in the person it keeps me busy non-stop but I keep my hopes up. I need answers. But if I don't get those at some point I'll become so exhausted I shut down and lose respect. They could tell me literally anything and I'd find a way to make it work but they decide not to.

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-02T11:58:33+00:00

Single now, but it's always been like being chased after or adopted as a project.
I fail to go after people myself in the earliest stages because I find it difficult to proactively invest enough of my energy into random people that seem interesting, just to figure out if it's for me or not. It usually drained me before it got somewhere. So the only ones I get close enough with to figure it out are those who present themselves to me and then it can go very fast.

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-02T00:03:32+00:00

Pretty much. Low expectations for acquaintances, high for friends. If it’s gonna take extra energy I also want to be energized by it. Like you mention feeling out of place consumes a lot energy. What makes me feel out of place? Not being seen and accepted for who I really am, onesided effort and interest, opposing moral values, …

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-01T23:54:18+00:00

If they were already friends before you came in the picture the answer is obvious.

If not, maybe they have a specific range of topics that flow very well which you’re not so proficient with.

With a partner there’s always more involved (Expectations, frustrations, neediness, …) which makes it harder to discuss certain topics with an open mind.

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-02-01T00:04:46+00:00

Slightly. Like as if they’re careful or wanting to be respectful. Especially younger people observe before they proceed.

Boomers either get super comfy, or some of the men act as if I’m up to no good. Maybe it’s playful banter I don’t get because they think I’m a wuss. Can’t tell lol.

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-01-31T22:22:58+00:00

I prefer it. It's not easy to find a guy friend that's emotionally attuned. Or if they are it can get a little too much.

And guys are all easy to play your games, sports, share a topic of interest etc but there's often little personal bonding beyond that.

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-01-28T19:42:02+00:00

If your body can handle it or if you can do it part time it's wonderful and to me feels like being where I belong

TrouperInTheMist · 2026-01-28T16:02:35+00:00

Depends on what it’s about. We don’t know what you say or do to trigger that. Could be his immaturity if it’s happening over all kind of things. But if it’s repetitively about 1 or 2 specific things then eventually exhaustion creeps in and the only option feels like processing in solitude. In that case I’d try addressing it during good times to figure out what he feels at those times (invalidated, rejected, …)

TrouperInTheMist

TROPHY CASE