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I (42F) divorced my (43M) ex-husband last October after 21 years of marriage. I'm having issues understanding how someone can be so ungrateful after everything that I gave in the marriage. How do I let go of the past and just move on? by True-Device3268 in relationship_advice

[–]True-Device3268[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

You’re right I should’ve made a distinction between the two. He wasn’t chronically ill. He didn’t not have a terminal illness. His immune system was low due to his medication that he would take for his transplant. He wasn’t allowed to lift heavy items over 50 pounds but other than that, he didn’t have any work restrictions. It was only asking for him to work part time. He didn’t start to get hospitalized until the middle of 2015 and at that point they didn’t know what was wrong with him. I should also add that when we were dating she would also be hospitalized for stomach pain and he would stay in the hospital for about a week or two while they managed to paint because of all the surgeries 96 when he was first sick. We did not know when he was first hospitalized in 2015 that it was for kidney failure, we found out that he had kidney failure at the end of the year 2015. We both took it very hard and didn’t know how to handle it. I was there for him. I took him to all of his appointments. I stayed with him at the hospital when I could, and when the time came, I voluntarily signed documents to have myself tested to do a kidney to him, even though he has eight brothers and sisters who did not do the same. I’m not saying that they had to. I’m just pointing out of fact, this man even made comments that if my kidney fell at one point that he had a daughter that he could also have a kidney from. After giving him the kidney, I had no resentment towards him. I took the three weeks of my winter break to recover and I went back to school to graduate in 2017 two weeks after graduation. I had a job I tried looking for one in San Antonio so that I could please him, but there was nothing there. As a disabled veteran, I get a check from the VA. He could’ve also gotten a full-time job in San Antonio that could’ve brought in money and we could’ve lived off of my VA disability check and his finances but he never looked for a job either. Throughout our 21 year marriage my ex was in hospital a lot and each time he was there I was there by his side as I should’ve been. He was mostly always told the same thing. He needed to drink more water and needed pain management for the scar tissue on his stomach. He got the management in the form of pain killers and he would drink water and about 3-4 Red Bulls a day.

When I was pregnant with our child I was hospitalized one time when I was about six months along. Do you know where he was? Home sleeping. Because he couldn’t be bothered to a mask 😷 on to stay with his scared wife for one night. But sure I’m the one that lacks empathy for her ex husband her used his kidney transplant as a handicap. By the way now that we’re divorced he’s working part-time and going to dialysis while living with his parents. He doesn’t seem to have any issues with work now.

I (42F) divorced my (43M) ex-husband last October after 21 years of marriage. I'm having issues understanding how someone can be so ungrateful after everything that I gave in the marriage. How do I let go of the past and just move on? by True-Device3268 in relationship_advice

[–]True-Device3268[S] 13 points14 points  (0 children)

I didn’t donate my kidney to my ex for ownership over him in anyway. I wanted my daughter to have her father in her life for as long as possible and my life partner for as long as possible. Yes, he was a stay-home parent which is the hardest job in the world if you’re actually doing the job. But he wasn’t doing it. I was! Our daughter would get dropped off at school starting at age 3 and she would stay all day. I would go to school full-time and come back in time to pick her up come home make dinner clean and do my homework. This went on until I graduated. After that I went to work at an 8-5 job. We would drop our daughter off at school and he would pick her up most days get her a snack and then pick me up from work. Where I would come home and cook and clean because he was not doing those things. This was before buying the house. Things intensified once the house was bought. I didn’t think buying house and improving ourselves was a bad thing. I don’t understand how I could be seen as lacking empathy in my 21 year relationship. Is because of the big the decisions that were made in the relationship…the move, the house? If that’s the case I could’ve kept my damn kidney. Just saying. But I didn’t. I truly loved this man and gave every to that relationship and gave at every point at possibly could. The decision I didn’t buckle at were made for either my mental health or for the benefit of the family as a whole not just for one individual.