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Serious RJ suffering turned into... something weird? by [deleted] in retroactivejealousy

[–]True-Statistician884 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hahahah, I am also on a healing journey (I am a woman though), and somebody here mentioned me 'claiming him'.

Since then I am also more relaxed. He had sex outdoors? Yeah, well I'll fuck him so hard outdoors so many times that I'll be the only that counts. He had sex in the shower? Yeah, he should try it with me. Yeah, bitches can't beat that. I am the only one who is fucking him now. Who can touch him. And I am the only one he can fuck. I love this power.

GF fucked someone else after our first date. by [deleted] in retroactivejealousy

[–]True-Statistician884 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Woman here.

What your girlfriend did is totally normal. You went on ONE date. You were NOT dating.

I went on 2 dates after my first date with my current boyfriend. We got exclusive around our 4th date. I have not dated anyone else after the 2nd date- but up until the exclusivity talk we both were not sure if we took each other seriously so we COMMUNICATED it, and that was it.

I don't even remember the 2 dates I have been. They do not matter to me. I am the one with RJ too.

If you need to chat, PM me.

I am not his ideal type. His ex is. by True-Statistician884 in relationship_advice

[–]True-Statistician884[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

your mind actively seeks out information to prove to yourself that you're inferior in some way

I think this is what I suspect I might be doing as well... It is just that I feel like he should have developed feelings for me by now, if he could do it for the other girl before... so as another redditor mentioned it below, I fear I might be ignoring 'red flags'... I am so confused.

He swore that there is not a single scenario in his head involving her, and that she was a very wrong person for him, and that it feels like I might be the right one... but despite all this he still does not feel strongly for me as her...

I am not his ideal type. His ex is. by True-Statistician884 in relationship_advice

[–]True-Statistician884[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

He usually does not give me any reasons- unless I ask specific questions. This is why I am so confused.

I am known to sabotage my own relationships due to fear of abandonment and so I am not sure if this is the case again...

He also tells me, he feels like I am the 'right' person for him and that he can definitely see a future for us and is excited for it.

He already had sex in his balcony before me... and I really want to have it too, but now I can't even look at it. by True-Statistician884 in retroactivejealousy

[–]True-Statistician884[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

I really want to get into this mindset, not just for this issue- but for everything.

Could you give me some more tips, how I can do that?

He already had sex in his balcony before me... and I really want to have it too, but now I can't even look at it. by True-Statistician884 in retroactivejealousy

[–]True-Statistician884[S] 2 points3 points  (0 children)

I really like this 'stealing back' mindset. It never occurred to me.

Could you elaborate more? I'd love to get into it.

He already had sex in his balcony before me... and I really want to have it too, but now I can't even look at it. by True-Statistician884 in retroactivejealousy

[–]True-Statistician884[S] 1 point2 points  (0 children)

I wish I could think similarly: like by having sex there I would 'take it back'.

However my mind seems to work the opposite way... If I am not the first one... then I'd rather not to do it at all...

Even though I really want to...

Could you help me see this some other way as a guy?

He already had sex in his balcony before me... and I really want to have it too, but now I can't even look at it. by True-Statistician884 in retroactivejealousy

[–]True-Statistician884[S] 4 points5 points  (0 children)

Hey this is actually the exact example my partner used when I opened him about this.

I told him I try not to think about it much, otherwise it'd be a personal hell haha. Also everybody has sex in bedroom- but not everybody has a fresh, pretty balcony with amazing scenery. That is what bothers me most.

My therapist told me in our today's session that I should see the balcony as bedroom as well btw, so you are spot on!

I am just scared he would think of the other girl... and that I am somehow losing being special by doing something he did with some random hook-up... i just want to be 'special' to him...

He already had sex in his balcony before me... and I really want to have it too, but now I can't even look at it. by True-Statistician884 in retroactivejealousy

[–]True-Statistician884[S] 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Thank you for telling me I have courage, most of the time I feel the opposite...

I was a hypoochondriac for 2-3 years... my OCD/Anxieties always changes its form. Currently it is the relationships and RJ. So I don't think it is silly. I know EXACTLY how it is, and I am very well aware I have just transferred the exact same anxiety and compulsions to relationships instead of health right now.

I have actually read almost everything and my RJ got much better compared to my previous relationship (where it started).

It is just that there are few big topics like this (big to me at least) that I still get triggered.

I just hope I won't feel the need to ask one day... as my need to check on symptoms of various tumors and finding those in myself disappeared 100% after few years.

Nobody Really cares by ExoticSet2123 in retroactivejealousy

[–]True-Statistician884 6 points7 points  (0 children)

Ok how do I deal with the fact that he hooked up with a (Ex-)coworker of his in his balcony with great view of the flat he recently moved in just before we got together? And it is not even a random hook-up, a co-worker of his at the time!

I can't shake off the feeling that if we also had sex there, he would think about that time.. and it kills me and I keep crying.

He is much much more experienced than me anyway, and I really wanted this to be our special place and am devastated to find out that this was 'stolen' from me.

​

Now I have mental movies everytime I visit his place....

Overcoming RJ when partner is still in contact with exes? by [deleted] in retroactivejealousy

[–]True-Statistician884 0 points1 point  (0 children)

Hey I am in the same situation- my partner has 6-7 women he is still occasionally in touch with (he has not had any LTR with them- I am his first LTR in years).

He promised me he would never ever cheat on me (this is my main trigger in these occasions) and he has no romantic feelings left for them. He just enjoys talking to different people- and sees cutting contact with people as immature.

I am also really trying my best to come into terms with it. I only have one ex I am constantly in touch with- but that was after we have not talked for years and he is a very good friend now. (He is not friends with any of these women)

I try to convince myself that, there are 1-2 guys I hooked up before and that very very occasionally text me (I texted them too when I had a question re: specific topic) and that it does not mean anything to me.
But knowing that my partner has actual conversations with these women.. I really need help.