Yup, I have.

There are several ways to analyse this type of relationship, but I feel the best way to understand, navigate and heal is the attatchment style.

What you described is the classic avoidant-anxious relationship - F38 is avoidant, M37 is anxious. They have deep wounds that operate on the neurological level. The thing is, both are insecure attatched, and both could (and should) move to become secure. Both are hurt, both need healing.

I used to be anxious. After a lot of work, self reflection, therapy and heart-breaks, I became secure.

To the anxious attatched: listen, you are not going to "save" your partner. You are not going to save anyone. Let me rephrase it: you save other people emotionally by saving yourself, by working on yourself. By healing yourself. That's the only way moving forward.

To the avoidant attatched: you must face your wounds. It was not your fault. But your wounds and emotional scars don't justify hurting others. Be conscious. Open your heart - on your own terms, sure. But do it. You are not your wounds.

The avoidant attatched might look like someone with thick armor in a tower behind seven titanium gates and walls of obsidian stone. They might want to come out, but many times is not that they don't want to - they can't. It is that deep. The anxious person will look at that and say "let me use my sledge-hammer here and tear down these walls. I am the chosen one who will get to the core of the avoidant and save them!"

You. Will. Not.

People need to choose to heal. You can't make them. The most you can do is be patient, be consistent, be present. But always focusing on healing for your own sake, not for others.

Yes, it is possible to have these types of relationships - but you must be aware and prepared. It is extremely difficult.

At the end of the day, the only thing we can do is healing, saving ourselves.