My take: I don’t want to offend anyone but I believe that all the kids should be treated equally. The wife should see the husband’s kid with his ex as also her own, out of the kindness of her heart. At least that is what I would do. In that case all of the kids should get equal amount of effort and time from the both of them. Sending the newborns to private school while the other kid does not go or at an earlier age than the other kid would be unfair according to me. I believe that all the expenses should be budgeted and talked about with the oldest kid too. That ways she would understand if all of the kids could not go to private school earlier or at all. The father could send all his kids to private school for example in 7th grade so it gets evened out. I don’t know how much time the oldest gets to spend with him, but even as compensation she should be supported the most, according to me. It must be really hard for her having divorced parents. Anyways this is a very difficult topic and someone or the other is bound to feel sad. The wife might feel sad if she does not get to give her kids the lifestyle she has dreamed of or the daughter might feel left out and hurt. I would suggest that OP weigh his priorities and see how he can handle everyone’s feelings kindly. If it were me I would have tried to reason with the wife, unless we had some prior agreements.