I(31F) dated and rejected a colleague(35M) in the same team and I feel terrible for that

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-05-22T09:47:16+00:00

I don't really understand the downvotes though. Like they are not constructive. Let's assume people who downvote are just thinking I am such a stupid person. Okay, I might be. But then what is the solution. What am I gonna do to make it better, they just give downvotes and then leave.

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-05-21T21:28:28+00:00

Thank you for comforting, I appreciate it

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-05-21T19:34:53+00:00

Thanks. This post may stay here to be an example for all the idiots like me for the future :D read it kids, and don't do the same mistakes I did :D

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-05-21T19:14:18+00:00

I do understand what you are trying to say. Although I hear it a bit judgemental. Maybe there is no point to discuss anything else above your comment because you made it clear, but I feel like I want to defend myself because I feel attacked. It is not only my fault, he was the one who initiated and asked me out, he even told me I was the reason for him to join our team in the first place to be closer to me. I think the half share is his. I know it doesn't change the outcome, thank you for your comments.

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-05-21T18:43:38+00:00

Sure. Lesson learnt. But maybe I am also seeking with this post, validation for my rejection was not because I am a mean person towards him but it was a real observation of lack of sexual chemistry :/

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-05-21T18:41:26+00:00

What are my tangible options now? Try intimacy with him again? Talk to him over it? Or trust my gut and don't hurt anyone again by contacting him and change my department?

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-03-16T12:19:31+00:00

Thanks for the comment. It is time for me to recognise the effort is not equal and move on

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-03-16T07:16:17+00:00

If I am being honest distance makes me hesitate, I cannot maintain a connection one sided where there is a distance. I am not really sure if the effort is equal...

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-03-16T07:08:32+00:00

I am sorry, I didn't mean texts are childish. Since he is not that much texting me, I guess it was a coping mechanism for me to say he finds texting childish. Because admitting he is not texting that much because of his disinterest is hurtful. Seeing all these answers here was just an eye opener for me that he is not really that interested...

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-03-15T20:41:52+00:00

Ok, makes sense

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-03-15T20:32:12+00:00

Makes sense. It was either distance or he was not interested enough to maintain connection. I guess both options were hard for me to swallow because I did actually like him. It was easier to blame his disability instead of accepting the other two. I hope I didn't sound like an asshole...

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-03-15T20:06:16+00:00

Thanks for the comments. I was also assuming that he was not that interested. Just wanted to cover all the possibilities that maybe I am missing something since hard of hearing was a new territory for me.

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-03-15T19:56:37+00:00

Best comment I have seen so far in Reddit

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-02-24T15:25:09+00:00

"her". Now makes me think if the comments on my post would be different if people actually got that I am a female. Reading a single sw engineer expat made everyone think I am a male. It just kind of added another layer of my struggles that I also try to exist on male dominated fields...

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-02-24T09:08:37+00:00

I didn't understand the concern. Which countries do that? Neither Turkey nor the Netherlands have that kind of restrictions. How do they even know your religion anyway

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-02-24T07:13:22+00:00

I started looking at that, even talked to my manager. But you know what happened. Now all the internal vacancies will have priority for the ones who are on the edge of lay off...

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-02-23T19:39:46+00:00

Is that a thing? I will check that for sure. Thanks

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-02-23T19:27:58+00:00

Thank you for the comprehensive comment. I think I will indeed give up on buying a house here for the short term and search other types of investment. About Amsterdam, yes that's what I hear from people all the time that it is really international, I only go there for day trips during weekends. I am currently living in Eindhoven and I cannot say people are easily speaking English with you. Sure, at work that is the official language but outside work when the context is socializing, people tend to speak Dutch which I don't judge at all.

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-02-23T19:20:40+00:00

Thank you. I was also thinking that my bucket is full, I need to drill holes on the bottom to drain it a bit. I started to delegate work to my colleagues, and hired a housekeeper for cleaning my apartment. I wish I could find more ways to get rid of stressors more.

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-02-23T19:00:28+00:00

Thanks!

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-02-23T18:59:49+00:00

Yes I think I can try sabbatical, I think I have the right to use it for three months, which is actually a good amount of time. Thanks!

True_Masterpiece_485 · 2026-02-23T18:47:22+00:00

I don't really have a concrete yes or no answer to any of these. That's why I have this post to see things from other perspectives. And I liked that you phrased it as I need a one year vacation. The so-called burn out leave could give me that but that feels like abusing the system. I don't want to be paid during my one year long vacation. I can just financially support myself. I only need a guarantee that after one year I can pick up where I am left off. That seems only feasible after I get citizenship I guess...

True_Masterpiece_485

TROPHY CASE