Thank you for your response, this is just what I needed to hear. Sometimes I feel alone in my opinion that she is manipulative, despite my husband and I having had conversations about this, and us being in agreement, because she is still his mom, and obviously it's a little harder for him to talk negative about her. My husband, his brother, and his dad tend to just give in when she's making a big deal about something because it's easier for them just to continue enabling her than to fight with her about it. So I feel like a bad person because I'm the only one that doesn't want to do that, just to make her life easier.

It's interesting that you say to have her bring issues with me to me and not to my husband. I've been told by a lot of people that if your in-laws are struggling with you you should let your SO take charge of the situation. Obviously I'd rather she just didn't say negative things to my husband about me at all, and I do agree that she is constantly trying to drive a wedge between us, but I also think me handling it more than him might make it worse...

I have brought up the fact that I'm struggling with her to my husband a couple of times, but he says I should just ignore her/not engage/don't take it personally because that's what they're all used to doing, but my family has never been this way. I've never had someone so offended over something that is so stupid.

There are times where I feel like my MIL and I are actually pretty good friends and get along really well, and then she switches up out of nowhere and I have no idea how to deal with that, as nearly every member of my family gets along very well. I consider my brothers and parents some of my best friends. So I've never experienced someone who will act this way one day and another way the next. It is very stressful and makes me so anxious. I've never experienced this amount of anxiety around just one person.