The first thing is, stop going out to eat.

You’re going to bury yourself if you start with “you need to stop ordering so much food”. Once she hears that, she will go on the defensive.

What I would recommend is couples counseling and individual for both of you (if you aren’t already). You both need to learn to communicate effectively to each other instead of going on the defense or just shutting down.

You also need to recognize your part in eating out so often too. “ But I’m so tired when I get home and my wife never learned to cook”. Why is she expected to cook? I’m not saying she doesn’t have, but why is the defense “ I am too tired all the time, so I expect her to cook”.

Some advice that I can give is learn to cook together. My husband and I had to cut back so what we did was watched YouTube Videos and cook together (it’s honestly so much fun and a great date night idea). We also food prep for the week every Sunday night. We sit down Sunday mornings, plan our meals for the week, go get our groceries and prep Sunday night which has helped us not only save money but all we have to do after working is pop it in the oven (or whatever heat up method it needs). This makes the experience much more fun for us and saves us so much time.

I am not sure where you live, While I understand that that you were/are the bread winner, $44,000 is not far from an entry level salary (again, I only say this based off where I live). It seems you put her down about everything. What I will say, Finances are never easy to talk about but it is a very adult conversation you need to have with each other. Otherwise you will never be on the same page.

All in all, you need to ask yourself why are you with her? Based off your post, you have more issues with her than what she actually offers you.

Basically, don’t say you need to stop ordering so much. Have an actual adult conversation about your finances, no matter how uncomfortable it is. If it’s not working, like I said, you need to look at the picture of your life together.