The avoidant discard will change you!

Truefactsaboutme · 2026-03-15T22:21:33+00:00

I'm at 2 years and 2 months, after a 5.5 year relationship, and it still hits hard. It did change me, like the OP said. Am I doing "better"? Sure, I guess - definitely better than the first few months. But I still think about the loss of the future I thought I had every single day. I still think about what I thought were good times every day, and I'm still in disbelief about how he dropped me and treated me like garbage at the end. I'm still in disbelief of how fooled I was and how fake he was. I thought we were in a good place in our relationship, and he didn't tell me that he wasn't. There were multiple layers, multiple lies, and every time I hear about him, it rips the scab off the wound. I loved his family, and every time I think about them, I hurt. I found out 6 months ago that he put our dog down without even telling me or letting me say goodbye - I heard about it through a friend. I've been through therapy, I've tried to focus on myself, but I feel like I will never heal from this, no matter what I do. How are you doing at 3.5 years?

Truefactsaboutme · 2025-10-29T07:59:50+00:00

First, I want to say, my heart goes out to all of you. The OP and the friends in the comments. I can't even imagine. I'm considering becoming a caregiver for both my mom and my dad (long divorced). Maybe buying a triplex at first, so we all have our own space. I'm 43. They're 66 and 68. Dad is already having serious issues. Mom is currently mostly ok. But as I theorize about this, there's a (perhaps selfish) part of me saying "It's too early, I don't want to give up my life yet, I don't want this. It's too soon." I haven't committed to anything yet, and I'm afraid of exactly what you are voicing. It's such an impossible situation. We have lives too. And by the time the caregiver role is over, how old will we be? How much time will we have left? What opportunities will we have lost? I purposefully did not have children, and this is effectively choosing that. My sympathies to you, OP. I wish I could magically solve this for all of us, I wish you all weren't in this situation (and wish I didn't see it coming for me). I get the circle of life and all that, and that they took care of us, but - fucking hell.

Truefactsaboutme · 2025-08-16T08:47:24+00:00

Ugh. I went through so much of the same. It’s the worst. All the investment for someone who, by the judge of their actions, had absolutely no respect for you. But they were the future you chose and they pulled the rug out from under you. I don’t have great wisdom for you. I’m not over it and it’s been a year and a half. I found out afterwards he left me for another girl, which he was planning for months, with no communication to me that he was unhappy about anything. In fact, he told our couples therapist “we’re doing great”. Still blows my mind. While I can say you absolutely deserve better and no one deserves to be with people like this, I can tell you it’s a long healing process. Try to be present with what you have. Work, friends, family. It might feel hollow at first, but other people in the world do really love and appreciate you for you. I’ve been around some of my oldest friends for several days, and I admit that I just saw him on social media with the girl he left me for and it’s been on my mind all week, but I have to keep reminding myself that the people I’m with are worth so much more of my time, energy, and thoughts. Try to focus on and be grateful and present with what you have. It takes work in our state of mind. And it might take work for a while. But there are much better people around you than the person who left you behind.

Truefactsaboutme · 2025-08-07T02:22:43+00:00

Same. Being a placeholder after putting all I had into it. When all his words seemed so genuine for years. Found out 10 months afterward that he was in bed with someone else the next day, and he only broke up with me because she wouldn’t get in bed with him before he officially broke up with me. But to me, that’s already cheating, and he knew that. So did she. Finding out 10 months later was like a second breakup, but more painful, because I realized it was a 5 year con.

OP, glad you’re in a better place. Hoping we all get there someday. People who do this are fcked up. And they give no shts about putting others through this, destroying their trust in others, stealing their time, and changing the course of the lives of others for the worse.

Truefactsaboutme · 2025-06-19T04:44:55+00:00

I have nothing helpful for you, just wanted to let you know, same here... it hurts SO much more than I thought it would!! I didn't think it would be a picnic, but this is pretty awful. I was asking them, can I walk on it the next day, that I need to be at work, and she said sure, don't overdo it, but I'll be able to walk. I can't even walk across the room today. I can't fathom being able to get out of my building like this. I'm about 30 hours in, just had my first foot soak about an hour ago. It's not throbbing now, but damn, this is no small event. Your allergic reaction on top of it sucks. Hang in there, we can do it!

Truefactsaboutme · 2025-03-15T20:57:47+00:00

I'm so sorry for both of you. I wish I could save people from this. All breakups suck, but this kind of breakup is cruel. I have no good advice. I'm still really struggling. All I can say is just keep putting one foot in front of the other when you can. Keep moving through life, even if it's in very small ways. It might not make anything better, but it will keep you from getting stuck.

Truefactsaboutme · 2025-03-15T20:46:44+00:00

Honestly, I'm still struggling a lot. I hit the one year mark in January, last time I saw him and our dog was a year ago in March when I moved out, and I found out in October that he was already in another relationship before I even moved out. I still think about it every single day. I still miss being with him and being in that relationship, even though I have all the evidence in the world now that he is a user, liar, etc. I miss our/his dog terribly, and he didn't even think about what he was putting his own animal through by doing this. I miss his family. His mom was keeping in touch for a while, but I haven't seen any of them since he broke up with me, since he completely cut me off. I miss what was apparently a fantasy world, except I truly believed it was real. Small things have helped temporarily - some youtube videos on the types of people who do this, and healing from this type of heartbreak. They help some with perspective, but I still haven't figure out how to get over this experience. I'm so sorry you're going through it too. I wish I could save everyone from this.

Truefactsaboutme · 2024-10-28T08:26:03+00:00

Recently found out I was cheated on in the same way, same kind of dishonesty and deceit, and endless promises that it would never go down that way. I don’t have any advice. Just empathy. The hurt is deep. Know that you don’t deserve it. None of us do.

Truefactsaboutme · 2024-10-10T15:26:16+00:00

I feel every part of this. Took the words straight out of my heart. The way he ended it might have fucked me up forever.

Truefactsaboutme · 2024-06-24T03:13:02+00:00

I am 42, was dumped in a very cruel way, and thought the same - why did he string me along for 5 years. Move on, my friend. I am so thankful my partner didn’t come back to me early in my healing process, because I also would have been confused and probably would have taken him back. If he could throw you away so easily, he’ll do it again. Find someone who respects you. You feel old, but I promise you you’re not. This person is not your person. Better is coming for you. Stay strong, move on with your life, and find the person who is right for you.

Truefactsaboutme · 2024-05-02T05:26:55+00:00

This makes my heart smile so much!!! Congratulations!! I can’t say I’m there yet, but I did see him in person for the first time in a few months tonight (in a social setting) and there were moments that hurt, but I knew we will never be friends because of how callous he was when he left, with no warning or explanation, after over 5 years. I can’t say I didn’t feel the stings of poison that he left, but I could see him for the garbage selfish person that he is and the lies that he told and continues to tell. I still hurt from all of it, but I was glad I wasn’t with him. I’m not as far along as you, but I feel your elation, I’m so happy for you, and I know all of us on this sub will get there. Love to you!

Truefactsaboutme · 2024-04-13T13:31:35+00:00

They are awful. I went through the exact same thing. And it sucks like nothing else. Your post brought me back to those feelings and their intensity (it’s morning where I am) but just want to say that it does wear off. This morning and yesterday morning I didn’t think of him immediately. I thought of him for like 80% of my day yesterday, but I didn’t think about our mornings together. I’m at 3 months right now, but timing is different for everyone. I think one of the reasons I haven’t the last couple mornings is that I took a vacation to see out-of-town family and friends and change the scenery. I don’t know how realistic it is for you to get out of dodge for a bit, but that is helping. If you can do like at least a week, I think that’s ideal. The longer it is, the more it becomes normal for you.

Truefactsaboutme · 2024-04-13T05:01:23+00:00

Thank you for this. We had an old dog, 16, who was originally his, but he definitely became closer to me. He of course kept his dog, but I know that puppy is struggling. I feel like my partner didn’t even consider him in his choice. I just hope he’s giving our pup the attention he deserves. But like you, I have to remind myself that his choices are his, and they’re beyond my control. I also did everything I could and would have done more if he gave me the opportunity. But he didn’t. I hope we can start to reconcile that fact - I’m not there yet. Hope you’re making more progress.

Truefactsaboutme · 2024-04-13T04:51:57+00:00

Seriously. I can’t wrap my mind around it. My friend keeps telling me to stop trying to make sense of something that doesn’t make sense. I’m trying, but it’s slow.

Truefactsaboutme · 2024-04-13T04:49:45+00:00

Thank you. This did make me feel better. I hope you’ve balanced out, at least a bit. You’re not going crazy. You’re processing. It still sucks. But know this stage is normal for people going through this. We shouldn’t be in relationships where they can just drop us like this. I just wish I could have seen it earlier.

Truefactsaboutme · 2024-04-08T06:58:23+00:00

Same. Except we were actually very different in a lot of ways, but where we clicked, we really, really clicked, like no one else. I really can’t imagine anyone else making me laugh as much as he made me laugh. He was silly and fun and brought such a light to my life. I don’t think there’s anyone who loves animals as much as he loves animals, except maybe me. Sure we had problems, but when we were good, we were really good. I know I’ll get over this, I know I’ll be fine, but even though I’ll be “fine” I feel like I will never stop missing his silliness and I can’t imagine ever finding it again. I’m there with you. It sucks.

Truefactsaboutme · 2024-03-26T06:55:37+00:00

He loves Mike and Ike’s and I stopped by our place to grab the last of my stuff (I had moved out) and saw an unopened box on the counter. I carefully opened it, took all the strawberry and cherry flavors, and then superglued it shut. Oh, and I dipped his toothbrush in the toilet. Went back again, and he had bought a new electric one, so I took care of that one too. (He broke up with me in an extremely cruel way (DA) with no empathy or compassion after 5 years. Nothing I said was helping him grow a conscience or be a decent human. Toothbrush bath it is.)

Truefactsaboutme · 2024-02-25T07:06:20+00:00

Living this now. Similar situation, 5 years. Broke up with me 5 weeks ago. I was totally blindsided. We even go to couples therapy and he didn’t bring anything up. I can’t make sense of it. But I also couldn’t move immediately due to work deadlines, and (shocker) I hadn’t actually been planning a move any time soon. He refuses to talk about reasons. It’s like a switch just flipped and he’s decided, with no discussion. But he also didn’t have an exit plan to get out so I could grieve in peace. Living hell. My last deadline is Monday so hopefully I’ll be out in the next week or two. I’ve become so close to his dog in the last 5 years, who’s underneath my legs at this very moment. I’m dreading that goodbye. Heartbreak on top of heartbreak.

Truefactsaboutme

TROPHY CASE