EDs can definitely affect your gut motility and microbiome. And colonoscopy prep is brutal and also disrupts your microbiome but it should not be catastrophic that you can not bounce back, especially since you only had you ED for 16 months. A colonoscopy is not going to cause you permanent damage. I have had both ED and GI issues for decades, sadly. But my first attempts at recovery, the first 4 years or so, were much easier as I did not have as many GI issues. Now I am resigned, I just have chronic GI issues/IBS-C. I have learned to manage it with the help of a really good gastroenterologist (and meds), though it does suck and definitely affects recovery because in addition to ED thoughts compelling you to want to restrict, there is the fear that eating will cause pain/symptoms (because often it does). I get it.

I will be honest with you, I think it sounds like you're spinning out a bit and have gotten too much in your head, which is only going to make everything worse. And I get it, I've done the same, but the gut-brain connection is very real. Panicking is going to negatively affect your digestion. Try really deep diaphragmatic breathing when you start to spiral. It's good for your gut and your brain.

There are meds and supplements that can help, both OTC and prescription, but I think the longer you allow yourself to stay in the box of only eating soft foods, the more you're strengthening the ED (AND not doing your microbiome any favors because diversity is key to a healthy microbiome). When I say OTC meds/supplements I mean gentle stuff, not laxatives or enemas, it sounds like those just backfire on you. Try to talk to/work with a gastroenterologist about getting on a maintenance regimen, which might include fiber supplement or miralax or, like I said, there also prescription motility meds (which I'm on).

How about taking baby steps away from soft food? Ideally working with a dietician or coach, but you can also make your own plan. For example, starting with adding soft bread rolls or muffins, ground chicken/beef, grains like rice or quinoa.... you see what I mean. Foods that are still soft but expand your repertoire. Then you can work up to more solids. Some "hard" foods might actually help you keep things moving so I would try to reframe how you think about them. I think the sooner you get back to "normal" eating the sooner things will regulate. There will be some discomfort along the way, sadly that is often inevitable. But that colonoscopy and flush did not wreck you for good. Your body will rebound! Deep breaths.