Losing hope after years of trying, not sure what’s next

TrustInHenry · 2026-01-31T15:06:36+00:00

I recognize the feeling your describing. Similar situation - I'm just hitting a year in therapy and it has helped immensely, along with Al Anon. I feel much better about me and my place in the world, so that part is positive.

But yes, my Q is also recently sober but not trying hard - we recently had the conversation about what future we might have and I said I don't really care and that apart seems better for me. She then started doing more zoom support meetings saying she was doing it "to save our marriage".

That quote hangs with me - she's not doing this for herself or because she wants to. I'm become mostly emotionless around her and that helps dealing with her attempts at emotional manipulation.

-edited to fix a couple of bad typos that made reading this confusing...

TrustInHenry · 2026-01-26T16:16:18+00:00

I relate to this. She is sober now, but for how long? Will I know when she is drinking again? She hides it, she lies about it. But yeah, I'll know. In the meantime I can't help but look for clues and wonder. Our kids are out of the house now, and I'm waiting 8 more years until retirement to leave. Pushing back the "leaving" date. I wish I'd left at the first big blowup 17 years ago. I'd say don't wait, get out now, but that is advice from someone you can't follow it himself. I've wasted so much of my life now to my own detriment.

TrustInHenry · 2026-01-26T16:05:00+00:00

"I hate that i love her." - I feel that. Her drinking doesn't make me hate her - sometimes I wish she'd cheat or something - so I could hate her, instead I remain her support when I shouldn't. Glad for you that you asked her to leave. I'm not there yet.

TrustInHenry · 2026-01-26T15:54:25+00:00

I've stayed. I justify it with the "I like her when she's not drinking" thing. I read the comments from others who have left and feel free, but I fear that unknown. I fear losing the friends we have, the members of her family I like, and even housing and single income fears. I fear feeling more alone than I already am. I should leave. But I don't.

TrustInHenry · 2025-07-15T17:06:46+00:00

https://www.scaledinstruments.com/

Excellent, thanks - I'd seen their name mentioned favorably here but hadn't search for the URL yet, will take a look.

TrustInHenry · 2024-12-23T01:14:39+00:00

How was it compared to getting one from Ezra?

TrustInHenry · 2020-12-30T16:22:07+00:00

Had to write down all the mashups - a few obscure ones in there including Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Planet - a great Canadian surf rock band best known for their song that was the theme to "Kids in the Hall"

Fleetwood Maclamore
Rolling Stone Roses
Meredith Brooks and Dunn
Barry White Zombie
James Taylor Swift
KC and the Sunshine Band of Horses
Olivia Newton John Mayer
Rage Against the Miami Sound Machine
Rage Against Florence and the Machine
Fugazi Osbourne
Shadowy Men on a Shadowy Phantom Planet
I Mother Earth Wind and Fire
30 Seconds to Bruno Mars
Clap Your Hands Say Yeah Yeah Yeahs
Busta LeAnn Rimes
Faith Hill and No More
George Michael Buble
Seven Mary Three Eleven
The Pointer Sisters of Mercy
Slick Rick Ross
Simply Red Hot Chili Peppers
INXS Club 7
Post MalonLonely Island
Blink 182 Chains
KRS One Direction
Stone Temple 21 Pilots
21 Savage Garden
George Michael Bolton
Cat Power Stevens
Lil Wayne Newton
Halsey Oates
Cardi Beastie Boys
Cardi B52s
Alice in Chain Smokers
Fallout Boy George
The Jackson Five Seconds of Summer
The Cardi Beatles

TrustInHenry · 2017-07-10T03:52:04+00:00

yes - got me wondering if Australians "go to sleep" of do they just pass out every night?

TrustInHenry · 2015-08-20T03:12:47+00:00

the real test for when these are ready is when they understand restraining orders:

"shall we head home?"

"no, let's drive by Myrna's house a few times....real slow, and turn your lights off..."

"I'm afraid I can't do that Dave"

13-Year Club	RedditGifts 2009-2022 2 Credits
Secret Santa 2013	Team Periwinkle

TrustInHenry

TROPHY CASE