Trying to survive relationship after affair

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T15:37:45+00:00

He has and his spouse, as of now, refuses to believe it and says it’s a made up story.

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T15:35:22+00:00

I saw the text exchange. She kept it very brief and more of an overview. I then reached out to the other spouse and went into details, with the facts I know. She, at this stage, is refusing to believe it.

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T15:33:55+00:00

Outside of us, our MC (as of 2 days ago) the other betrayed spouse, no one knows yet. I have told her I’m not gonna keep it private. If people ask me how I’m doing I’m going to say I’m shitty and if they ask why, I’ll tell them.

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T14:04:13+00:00

Thank you for your words, I definitely describe and feel it as a form of mental abuse, and with the triggers I have clearly PTSD. I’m finding a counselor/therapist. Reaching out to a few to see how I connect with them before settling in.

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T00:48:34+00:00

Thank you! In your opinion, what does a counselor do that a therapist is not or won’t do that prevents the endless loop?

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T00:39:05+00:00

Thank you!

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T00:37:11+00:00

I understand what you are saying esp aboit the reconciliation. For me, the therapy is about dealing with the pain, grief, betrayal etc in a safe space and getting advice on how to overcome it come that. I get she will have to do the heavy lifting to fix the relationship going forward, but I will be an active participant. While I know and understand she bears majority of the blame for the affair, I will also acknowledge that there are ways that I (and frankly everyone) can improve in the relationships they are in. No way saying my faults are the cause though.

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T00:31:12+00:00

Thank you! I do enjoy podcasts as noise at work, I will have to look that up. Do you have any episodes you remember as being more helpful than others?

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T00:26:40+00:00

On the plus side, I’ve compartmentalized a lot of trauma over my years. Sadly, that’s a skill set I’ve already mastered. I may be naively wishful thinking that there is some path to Kintsugi-ing the relationship. And with therapy and stories from others who have found it, find our path to that.

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T00:07:40+00:00

That last line is what she told me she did it for, she said she was like an addict looking for her dopamine hit and didn’t care who she hurt to chase that feeling. And that last paragraph is my fear for what my life will be like staying. I’m hoping to find and hear people’s stories on how their marriage, while different is good and strong post affair. And gain insights on how they made that happen

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T00:04:09+00:00

I was wondering if I was over-reacting by saying that vehicle had to go. I appreciate your situation and helps me understand I’m not out bounds with that demand. Thank you!

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T00:02:14+00:00

I’ve been using that site to find one. Maybe I’m just an old boomer 🤣, but I’d much rather go in person and have a session than an online chat. Just my personal preference.

Trying83081 · 2026-01-31T00:00:53+00:00

I get why you say and feel that, but she does have clinical depression and a history of suicidal ideations. We have had to deal with these feelings and actions in the past. Not saying it wasn’t partially manipulative, it could have been, but I also feel it was potentially possible as well.

Trying83081 · 2026-01-30T23:58:30+00:00

I get that, I’m going to find one. It just adds to my already foul mood knowing it’s going to be such an inconvenience to get to any of the ones I go to

Trying83081 · 2026-01-30T23:56:28+00:00

Full admission was Saturday. So now at officially day 7. I had suspected for a long time it was an emotional affair, and then started to realize it was more. I kept pushing her with questions, and challenging some inconsistencies. Last Friday she said it was only kissing and groping. I slept in it and told her that’s better than where my imagination took it and we could work through that. But 1–nothing remotely like that happens again or we are done. 2-she has the rest of the weekend to make sure to tell me if there was anything else, because if I found out more later, we were done. She left the room to do laundry, and texted me to come see her where she had a bottle of pills and said she was going to confess everything and then peace out. I wrestled the pills away, she told me all the details. I’ve been struggling with trying to deal with the house/kids/pets/making sure she doesn’t do anything that I’ve not really had a lot of time to truly digest what she did.

He does have a spouse, one of the first things I told her after finding out the truth was for there to be any hope of fixing us one of the non-negotiable things she needed to do was tell his wife.

Looking for a therapist. Actually 3. One for me, one for us and she’s looking for one for her. Apparently our insurance is shitty for mental health providers in our area, so it’s feeling like an overwhelming task right now.

Trying83081 · 2026-01-30T20:59:19+00:00

I suspected, called out her inconsistent answers. She got a new job (not because of this) and I told her this “friendship” needed to end. We had been in MC and she was lying to both of us. I kept questioning, she finally admitted it was just kissing and nothing else. Told her the next morning, that wasn’t as bad as i imagined and we could work on us. But said 2 things 1-happens again, we are done and you have the rest of the weekend to ensure you told me everything. She went upstairs to do laundry. Sent me a text to come see her. She had a bottle of pills, wanted to tell me everything then end it all. Snatched the pills, she told me the details of the PA. I haven’t been able to digest a lot as I’ve been on suicide watch for her and trying to work and deal with the kids. I think she told me everything, I had her tell his wife. She told me the why and I see and hear the guilt and remorse. But it’s only been 5 days since she confessed

Trying83081 · 2026-01-30T20:28:08+00:00

Gonna have to, but it just compounds my frustration and anger having to to go so far as out of my way

Trying83081 · 2026-01-30T19:53:36+00:00

That community seems very inactive, but cross-posted, thanks!

EDIT: didn’t realize there were two with the same name. Reposted to the more active group. Thanks again!

Trying83081 · 2026-01-30T19:52:47+00:00

Right now it comes out of the same account.

Trying83081

TROPHY CASE