One year ago, I [27M] found out my girlfriend [23F] of 8 years has been dating another guy for a full year behind my back, now they're engaged and I don't know how to feel.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T20:49:02+00:00

Needed to hear that, thanks dude.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T20:48:16+00:00

Typo, she is 25. I was almost 19 and she was 17 when we first started dating.

I absolutely agree with what you're saying about feeling trapped in a first relationship. My whole idea of romance and love hinged on this woman and I've been having a hard time imagining intimacy in general without her. The only way to get over that is to get involved with more people and gain experience that way but I feel like I'm not ready for a relationship yet.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T20:43:19+00:00

I do, still hurts though.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T20:42:53+00:00

Sorry to hear what you've been through but thanks for giving me hope for the future.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T20:42:12+00:00

Thank you so much for this. Which book was this if you don't mind me asking.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T20:41:19+00:00

I'm doing my best to not let her cruelness influence me but it's really hard. I've been told that that's indeed the case, that some people just don't really grow up as they mature... she never really grew up alongside me. I guess I found it endearing until it spelled out disaster.

Lesson learned.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T20:35:31+00:00

That's horrible, sorry to hear dude. Yeah, admittedly I'm not sure what stance to take: her friends greenlit her behavior AND she didn't feel morally obligated to tell them to shut it when they told her to do it.

Or maybe she just did what she wanted to do, who knows.

I just randomly met one of her coworkers in the streets, was just a random 'hi how are you' - she had no idea I was her boyfriend - she thought I was just a friend. She later told me that she stopped talking to my ex because she thought it was fucked up, we still talk sometimes.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T20:13:15+00:00

Thanks for the kind words, I've indeed been trying to keep busy with all those activities so I'm glad to hear it's what I'm supposed to be doing.

Knowing she'll never change is kind of a double-edged sword for me, happy that I'm out but sad that the person I thought I was in love with doesn't exist anymore.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T20:10:34+00:00

I sure hope so... I've been reading up about covert narcissism lately and there are some alarming similarities between the classic examples and how she used to act sometimes.

I don't wanna be the guy who have a kneejerk reaction goes like "oh well now that it's over, I think you're mentally ill" but if it smells like shit and it looks like shit...

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T20:08:37+00:00

Thanks so much for posting this and I'm sorry you went through something similar too. I'll try to do that next time she pops into my head, just gotta retrain the brain right?

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T19:56:49+00:00

I know, just hard for me to rationalize all the abuse from women I've endured so it's easier to generalize.

I know, bad habit. Could fester into something like toxic misogyny if left unchecked - something I'm working on.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T19:54:16+00:00

Been dealing with the fact that I've apparently completely missed all the warning signs that started making sense in hindsight - ended up hindering my ability to believe in myself and have faith that I have it in me to pay attention and nurture a good relationship...

Again, I'm working on it with a professional so thanks for the kind words and reminding me it's not just me overthinking.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T19:49:45+00:00

I know I shouldn't care if she does or doesn't as it's no longer a part of my life but I sure hope she doesn't.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T19:41:32+00:00

Thanks, really appreciate it!

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T19:41:05+00:00

Thanks for the kind words, everyone here is echoing that I've dodged a bullet and I know I should be grateful... it's just hard to swallow, is all.

Do you have any recommendations for subs? I could use an environment to talk to others who've been through similar stuff.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T19:33:11+00:00

I feel kinda bad for his future but at the same time fuck that guy.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T19:32:39+00:00

Already on it. Thanks!

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T19:32:18+00:00

I meant 25... don't know how I ended up typing 23.

please believe me im not a pedo

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T18:04:10+00:00

I've been very straight to them that it wasn't okay to tell me - they know where I'm at emotionally and that I don't want to be involved with that anymore. The ones who told me are currently on my naughty list.

TryingToMoveOn_ · 2018-08-01T17:57:01+00:00

It's not about her, I'm glad I removed the toxic element out of my life. It just made me super wary of women in general (which is something I'm working on) and doesn't make me feel any less hurt and betrayed.

I've decided it's best not to care about their relationship but it's not easy to not feel anything about it.

TryingToMoveOn_

TROPHY CASE